There is a certain level of hope that rests upon the hours of this morning. A friendship that was once so strong then lost, now is slowly being revived. It only took me getting to the place of laying it all out on the table. This is how I was. This is who I am now.
It feels very good to get that HUGE weight off of my chest. It is a very frustrating thing to have demons from your past effect your present so often; even when you know that you are very far from the person they are attempting to haunt from your past. Just the fact that I can sit here and write these words brings me great comfort. It is the grand realization of who I was in the past few years and how I am no longer that woman that I once was. I am no longer that little girl that lost so much. God has broken me to the point of being a new person. I am simply blessed because of that fact. I wouldn’t change any of it, for I know I would not be able to live out my life as I am called to in the now. The past built much of who I am now and tore down much of who I was then that needed to be broken and rebuilt.
The past still haunts at times. But, I am alright with that. It causes me to continue seeking, to continue believing, to living CONSUMED BY PROMISE.
Consumed by promise.
That phrase has hung on me the past few days. The idea of being consumed is living with something that is all-encompassing, all around you at all times, always present, always prodding, always vibrant and living. I read through a few of my old journals from years past. I witnessed the rollercoaster of the last few years, the triumphs, the tears, the intense times of brokenness. But, there is one thing that rings out, boldly reaching out from every page, I am called and I know that I cannot ignore that.
What does that look like?
At times I feel like I know what it looks like, like I have figured it all out. I never do .
God is doing some big things in all of us lately. Things I’m really stoked about, things I can only dream about and pray about for now, things that we are being broken of.
I’m living consumed by promise today. Consumed by the fact that God has it all under control, even when I think I do (which usually means I don’t), to dreaming of our future plans and what that may hold (which is pretty broad, I know), to knowing that even in some our darkest times, he never let us go. Ever.
I feel as if we are simply traveling the day to day, with only a glimpse of what is set before us, but we believe in the promises enough to endure and to seek. Even though we can't see very far, we know that we will reach out destination.
I can't wait.
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