This is 32 | A New List

My final portrait from my series, taken on the eve of my 32nd birthday.

11, 699 days in so far in this thing called life, as of today that is. I had every intention of actually getting these words out into the open over a week ago when I rang in a new year of life but...life happened per usual. Work happened, raising kids happened, trying to catch up on sleep kind of happened but who are we kidding, really? 

I have a feeling that year thirty two is going to be a good one for me, one like I've never quite experienced before. Why? I'm not sure how to put my finger on it but this past season has been one of swift and immense change in just about every area of my life. I feel like this new year is going to be much the same and I'm kind of just along for the ride so far.

 Looking back upon my life over the last decade, I never really thought I would be where I am now. I'm back working at the office that I left 4 years ago and it still is strange to me to sit and work in that office once more. Every morning that I go into work, it still feels strange to put on my name tag and walk through those halls.  We have two children, which is still seemingly mind boggling to me in many ways. Becoming a mom has changed me more than anything else in my life. 

As of last week, we have officially transitioned back to the church we called home when we were newleyweds and into the years of our lives pre-babies. I have been trying to be intentional and cry out for my family in this season more than I ever have before. No longer working at church opened up my ears and my heart more to where God was leading us in this new season. He has lead us to return to where we once were. As with all decisions of this caliber, it has not been easy especially because many of th people I was in ministry with, I have been in ministry with for over half of my life. That’s a long time. But, sitting in our new (old) church home on Sunday, I was flooded with so much peace and I know we are where we need to be. Sometimes transition is hard and I have felt that in so many areas of our lives. But lately, I have felt peace the surpasses all of my understanding in this life and I know I just need to keep listening. 

Every year for the past few years, I have created a list of things that I want to accomplish before my next birthday rolls around, as it always does. Now that I am on my way into my mid-thirties, at least in a few years, I feel like it is expected of me to get my crap together more. My twenties feel very, very, very far away now and life looks completely different than I thought it would. Good different, but different nonetheless. 

Here is my list from last year. I have gone in and crossed out the ones that I actually accomplished. There are some things on this list that I have placed on the list every year and every year I don’t accomplish them, but here we are. I know many of you could really care less if I cross off items on my list, but I love things like this and I will probably continue to make these lists for a long time. 

Below is my list for this new year of life....I am now 32, which still seems odd to me in the grand scheme of things. But, I’m ready to dive in to this new year, full of hope even though so many things still feel like they are unknown. 

33 books
Read through the Bible
Go camping
Become debt free
Get another tattoo
Sell our house (This is probably the biggest undertaking on this list...) 
10 year anniversary trip
Family Trip
Holiday Bucket List 
Try Buki Yoga & Lekfit
Secret Thing #1 (Wouldn’t you like to know?) 
Fly in a plane
Farmers Market
Use the library more
No Spend Month
Drive in Movie
Find another side hustle
Fall Bucket List
Play a show or play FOCOMX 
Have pie in Estes
Intuitive Eating
Go to a concert
See the ocean
52 Blog Posts for the year
Stay at the Elizabeth Hotel
Get a massage
Finish a song
30 Day Challenge
Revamp the weekly cleaning schedule
Go meat free for a while
New pick up and tune up for my Martin acoustic
Family Dinner 2x per week and focus on meal planning
Make bread from scratch

This is 32. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Forty Nine, Vacation, & Father's Day

This post is going to be a hodgepodge of many things because that is a true reflection of this past week of our lives, kind of all over the place. This past week was a good one in many ways and I write these words today with a thankful and full to the brim heart. I am so grateful for all of the people that I get to do life with. I tend to get so caught up in the day to day of changing diapers or working in Quickbooks that sometimes I forget to step back and realize that our life is seriously great. Our family is great.

Sullivan is now forty nine weeks old. We are starting to plan for his first birthday bash. He was born on July 3rd and will always pretty much share festivities with Independence Day, kind of like those kids that have birthdays at Christmas time. We were originally going to try and celebrate Sully on the fourth of July but decided to divide the two days instead, especially for his first birthday. This is a big day, one that I know he won't really remember but nonetheless I want it to be his special day. The fact that we will have a one year old son in a few short weeks is mind blowing. I hardly have any photos of him this week because we were on vacation or I was working...

Half way through this past week, Ryan started vacation. I worked Monday through Wednesday instead of my normal Tuesday through Thursday schedule. He started vacation by cutting off all of his hair. He's been growing is out for three years now. He is so handsome, man bun or no man bun. 

On Thursday, we took the kids over to the Hollen's house for two nights of slumber parties and we headed up into the mountains for some time away. We booked two nights in Blackhawk, CO. Thursday evening, we went to a concert at the best venue on the planet, i.e. Red Rocks. My favorite songwriter and musician of all time was playing and as always he didn't disappoint. Seeing Ryan Adams at Red Rocks was a bucket list concert for me and now I finally can say I have experienced it. Red Rocks is amazing but also makes me realize how out of shape I am. It's a lot of walking. Seriously pathetic but the show was amazing and the weather was amazing. Living in Colorado is pretty awesome. 

We spent the next two days in Blackhawk. We were able to actually sleep in. I don't remember the last time I really was able to do that. We had a slow breakfast in our room on the first morning. After that we had a couples massage and it was so amazing. Our friends met us up there later that day and we spent the rest of our time a the slot machines and blackjack tables. I still cannot believe it but I won pretty big on the slot machines! Like $800 on a slot machine!!! We pretty much were able to cover our trip and the money we brought with us. I enjoyed our time up there so much and it was nice to spend it with each other and with our friends. Winning some money definitely didn't hurt either. 

We came back home and picked up our kiddos. I missed them a lot while we were gone. Yes, vacation is super awesome, but not being around your kiddos kind of sucks. I kept watching the videos that the Hollen's were sending to us. They lived it up at the grandparent's house with plenty of pool time, park time, and pumpkin scones. They both took great naps after we picked them up because I'm sure they had the best time. They were wiped out. 

Today is Sunday and normally we would be at church but we decided to have a slow morning as a family since Ryan is still on vacation and I am not leading worship at church today. We woke up, gave Ryan his gift, and made pancakes with bacon and blueberries on the side. It was delicious. 

I have to give a shout out to Ryan on the Father's Day...Happy Father's Day! You are our rock and an amazing father to our children. I cannot imagine being on this journey through parenthood without you. Watching you as a father to our children has been one of the best gifts of my life. We love you very much! 

And last but certainly not least...Happy Father's Day to my dad! You taught me how to work hard in life and be there for my family no matter what. You have always been there for me, full of guidance and support through some of my darkest times and my brightest times. You have believed in me as a musician and songwriter and I know you will always be one of my biggest fans. Happy Father's Day, Dad! Thank you for being such an awesome dad and grandfather. I love you. 

Here's Marin at Week Forty Nine! 

Baby Sullivan | Week Forty

I spy Sully. 

 My mind hasn’t quite wrapped around the fact that in 12 weeks, give or take, we will have a one year old son on our hands. How did this happen? I was just waddling around, pregnant as can be, awaiting the arrival of Sullivan James Hollen. This time last year, we were getting new kitchen appliances. I was on a rampage to get the house ready for his arrival. We replaced some closet doors. I touched up some paint. We hung the decor in the nursery. We got a new furnace and had air conditioning installed in our home. Nesting was kind of expensive but well worth it.

Now he’s here and I can’t imagine not having him in our lives. He is a little tank of awesomeness. He could pretty much eat most of us under the table. He sleeps pretty much through the night. He’s napping like a little champ as I write these words. Most people comment on how they hardly ever hear or see him cry. He’s a pretty great baby and I am thankful to be his mama, over the moon even. For the second child, he has been very easy. Marin wasn’t really a difficult baby by any means, but Sully has been a part of a seamless transition to having a family with two children in it. With Marin, everything was so new and unknown. Nursing her was always a bit of a battle. She was such stinker with eating solids and still is. She now is a feisty preschooler that pretty much runs this home, at least as far as she’s concerned. Every child is different, that’s for sure. Both of ours have been so different but wonderful in their own unique way. They both keep us on our toes. 

I took Sully to his 9 month old appointment on Monday. Luckily, this appointment didn’t have any vaccinations to speak of and I am super thankful for that. Most of the time, Ryan is by my side for all of these appointments, along with Marin. But, now that my work schedule has changed and we don’t have a day off together as family at the moment, I had to fly solo. Marin was a great helper and Sully did a great job.

He weighs 23lbs, 1 oz. He’s super tall and his head is also large. He is in the 95th percentile and above for everything. He mostly wears 12-18 month clothing and currently is in size 4 diapers.  When Marin started potty training she was in size 4 diapers. Sully is 9 months old and is not tiny to say the least. Sully even wore his first pair of jeans this week and I can't believe how old he looks. He still isn't mobile yet but the doctor wasn't too concerned. She told me to just make sure he gets plenty of floor time and he will move when he's ready. 

His little jeans. They kill me. 

The past few weeks have been pretty nuts with a job transition but I feel like everything is slowly falling into place. Working for 3 days straight, from 7:30am-5pm, is a long set of days. But, now I have four days off of freedom. Not having to work during naptime has been a wonderful addition to our lives. I’m not glued to my phone or computer anymore. Granted, I still have to clean the house and catch up on loads of laundry, but I’m with the kids and that’s what counts. Too bad we can’t afford a house cleaner right now because that would be so awesome. Also, if someone wants to come fold and put away the mountain of laundry that continuously resides in our home, I would be grateful. 

Here’s Marin at 40 Weeks.

Baby Sullivan | Week Thirty Two

I find it hard to believe that I am preparing for Marin's 4th birthday party this weekend. The gifts need to be wrapped, the food needs to be ordered. She's been growing up so quickly right before our very eyes and time needs to slow down a bit. As of this coming Sunday, we will have a four year old. Four years ago at this time, I was super pregnant, quickly passing by my due date, and anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little girl. Now she's in preschool, lives life as a little sponge soaking up so many things. She also has been a great big sister to little Sullivan. Their relationship is continuing to really grow into something awesome lately. She likes to be near him. She likes to help me with him. It's pretty adorable. 

Arm rolls for days....

Sully is quickly moving away from the jarred baby food it seems. Over the past week, I have been trying some new baby led weaning recipes. It is weird to me that people use the term "weaning" for what we are embarking upon though. He's not weaning himself from breastfeeding, quite the opposite. Baby led weaning is pretty much the process of letting your baby feed themselves with solid foods that are prepared in a way that is safe and easy for them to handle. Sully loves to eat to begin with and he has embraced this new form of food with vigor. 

So far with BLW, he has had avocados, bananas, oranges, broccoli, green beans, roasted sweet potato, and his mum mums. I have been watching him closely when he eats and also watching for any reactions to any of the food. It is recommended to slowly start introducing foods so you can monitor any reactions to the food. 

We still have some jarred food that I will try to get through but he's getting to the point of not wanting to be spoon fed and just wants to dive right him himself. I'm a lot more daring this time around with what I have been giving him. Marin didn't try most of these foods until a bit later but I want Sully to have an expansive palette when it comes to food and not be so picky like his adorable sister. I think we are on a good path. He will eventually just eat what we eat. Granted, Marin doesn't even really do that but that's something I really want to work on. I would LOVE to not have to cook 3 different meals during one meal time. I also really want to share dinner together AS A FAMILY soon. Our schedules are so all over the place but someway, somehow...I want to make it happen. I think it's super important. 

Funny broccoli face. Derp. 

I am also currently shopping for new carseats for Sullivan. He is pretty much at the weight limit for his carseat. He actually might be above the weight limit...Little dude isn't so little any more. Lugging him around in that car seat has not been kind to my back either. I do like the convenience of carrying him around in the car seat but those days are going to be gone very soon. The crappy part about buying new car seats is that the new ones will not click in to a base like his current one does. What that means...every car he rides in needs to have a carseat. So, we are looking at purchasing two car seats for us and the grandparents need to get one too for Sundays. Budget wise, that's not ideal, but you aren't supposed to take those car seats in and out constantly. That's not how they are built. I'm researching like crazy for something budget friendly but safe and reliable. The one's we bought Marin are great but they are a little out of our price range at the moment. 

Week Thirty Two. 

Here's Marin at Week Thirty Two. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Twenty Nine

We are really getting into the swing of things with Sullivan James lately. I feel like we hit 6 months with him and so many things just started to fall into place. He is hitting so many milestones lately that I feel like there's a million new things about him every morning he wakes up. He is growing like crazy and I'm trying to soak it all in. We feel that we are done with two kids so I'm trying to embrace all of the little milestones and details of little Sullivan. He may be the last baby I nurse at 1:30 in the morning in the glow of his night light. He may be the last baby we introduce solids to and the last baby that I have to wipe down after giving him solid foods. He may be the last baby that we buy so many diapers for. It's weird to think about. 

He's been taking pretty good naps for me lately and for that I am thankful. Nighttime has been another story though. He is happy as can be all day until the moment we lay him down in his crib for bedtime. Then he cries and cries. I hate having him cry it out but he's a smart cookie and knows that mommy or daddy will come running in if he looses his binky and starts wailing. Luckily, he usually zonks out fairly quickly but it still stinks. 

He's been eating solid foods 3 times a day lately and he's loving it. We usually start the day with mushed banana and oatmeal or a jar of fruit baby food. Lunch is usually a mum mum and a jar of food. Dinner is the same. He really likes peas and pears. This week we are going to try some with meat in them, more Stage 2 foods. He's a great eater and it's been fun having him sit at the table with us while Marin eats. 

I really want to try and have some family dinners though. Right now, Ryan works late enough that I usually feed the kiddos before he gets home. Then I cook dinner for the adults after the kids are in bed. I think family dinners are important. I realize our children are still young but I also really want to expand Marin's palette beyond chicken nuggets and cheese for dinner. She should eat what we eat. I know saying that is one thing and actually doing it is another but I would like to make that my goal someday. 

We hit another milestone this week as well. Sullivan sat in a shopping cart for the first time at Costco. We usually push him in his stroller and the other parent pushes Marin in the cart but on Monday, he rode in the cart with her. He thought that was pretty much the coolest thing ever. It was nice not having to push a stroller and a cart. We are slowly getting closer to me being able to go grocery shopping by myself with two kiddos. 

Week Twenty Nine!

Here's Marin at Week Twenty Nine. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Twenty-Two

I feel like we are all finally slowly on the mend with all of the sickness that has been going around. Our coughs still remain a bit but we have actually been able to leave the house and go out in public without the fear of getting everyone around us sick as well. Both kiddos went to church on Sunday for the first time in weeks. Marin finally went back to school today. She has missed three classes now in the past two weeks. I'm feeling way better than I was a few days ago and I'm hoping we all stay well through the New Year. Fingers crossed and prayers lifted up. Having sick kids is no joke. Being sick while your kids are also sick is one of my least favorite things, especially when the kind of sick you are isn't enough to warrant you staying in bed all day but you just kind of walk around like a zombie, sniffling and coughing you way through the day. I also can't take super intense medicine to kick it to the curb because I'm still breastfeeding. 

On Sunday, Sully turned 5 months old! Sully is currently closing in on the 20 pound mark. He's going to outgrow his carseat any day now and we will have to figure out the next option. I'm thinking of using the convertible car seats that Marin sits in for him now and get her a little less expensive toddler convertible seat. None of them are cheap, at least the good ones. I'm going to miss having just the one carseat that just clips into the bases in our cars. Now we need multiple seats for multiple vehicles, including the grandparent's cars. I'm in the process of researching what our best options are. He will still be rear facing for a long time, but little dude isn't so little anymore. 

I went and got adjusted at the chiropractor last week because I've been having a lot of pain in my wrist, all the way up my arm, and to my back. I hadn't been in since right before I had Sullivan. Ouch.  Lugging around our huge baby is giving me great arm muscles but my body sure is taking a beating. I need to get in more often and really watch how I carry Sullivan around. He's just an adorable lug right now. 

I believe he also starting to teethe. As you will notice in most of these photos, the bibs have arrived. I get so sick and tired of changing his outfit every few hours because he drools all over himself. These bibs are super cute and stylish though and I love them. Now he can drool away in style. I have a feeling he will get teeth a lot earlier than Marin but we will see. Now we wait and I just pray that he isn't a biter.

The next few weeks are going to be filled with a lot of fun Christmas stuff with the kids and I am loving it. Experiencing this season through the eyes of a child is one of my very favorite things. This Friday, Marin's preschool gets to see Santa and his reindeer. Saturday evening, we are going to a Christmas light show at a local garden area. We are going to a light thing at a sculpture park next week. I plan on drinking lots of hot chocolate and bundling everyone up to see Santa and soak it all in. I also love that we get to do all of these things with our families. 

Week Twenty Two. 

Here's Marin at week twenty two.