Day Five & Six | All Good Things Must Come To An End

Where do I even begin? I’m currently sitting in our hotel room for our last night in Longview. I have a glass of wine next to me in a plastic cup. I’m listening to the songs that we created over the past few days. Over and over again, one after another and then repeating again. I listen to every little detail, every little inflection in my voice, every note played. I want to remember all of this for the rest of my life. I can…it’s been captured in a soundscape of notes and voices. I can hear every emotion in my voice, laced throughout the lyrics that span from the past decade of my life. So many pleas of a life that I have seemingly lost and then found again in places I never thought that I would. 

There is a longing in these songs. There is hope found in these songs. There’s an ache found in these songs. There are two lives represented, my past and my present. My feast and my famine, the things that my heart aches for. I have a hunger for both. 

I am proud of what we have made. I couldn’t have done it without the amazing individuals around me, coaching me, creating with me, embracing a project that is so close to my heart that it almost hurts. 

We awoke on day six to an overcast, rainy day. For those that know me, they know that this is the weather I can’t get enough of. It could rain everyday and I would be happy for the rest of my life. It’s like the weather knew I was here and granted me just a little bit of reprieve. Weather like that just makes me want to drink far too much coffee and make music. It’s the perfect combination. It’s where my heart lived for a number of years in this very town. I will always love the rain. It feels like it will always be a part of me, a part of my story. 

Day six was the day where we had to bite the bullet and get to work. Day six was the day I was avoiding in my heart and mind because I knew it would bring with it the end of our time with Zach being at the studio. I didn’t want that time to come, I wanted to fight against it as much as I could. I tried to hold on to it for as long as I could. 

Day six brought about the most challenging song that we had. I had to come to terms with myself as a musician and things that I don't necessarily believe I am capable of. It was stretching. I wasn’t even the one to save the day but that song turned out to be my very favorite so far as I’ve been listening to it. We had to fight for it, make it ours. This was a song that we thought would be a breeze but in the end gave us a struggle. Those are usually the very best kind. 

I spent a good chunk of this day just laying on the floor of the control room attempting to soak it all in and stop time for even just a little while. I let each sound and note fall around me. These are the moments you want to remember in your life, the times of struggle and sheer artistic triumph. These are the good times. These are the times that will keep me keeping on. 

Day seven was spent re-tracking vocals on what now is my favorite song, writing background vocals for it, and adding some keyboard flair to whatever I felt was necessary. That is really where I sit the most comfortable, keys are where I feel most at home. 

Now I sit in our hotel room, staying up far too late and not wanting to face the morning when we pack up our van and make the journey back home. But, I miss our kids. I somewhat miss reality but I’d like to avoid it for just a bit longer. 

Now, I will just listen to these songs we created. Over and over again. One after another and then repeating again. Sometimes good things must come to an end, but that doesn't mean we can't hold on to them with everything that we have. 

Day 5 & 6. 

Day Four & Five | In-Between

Throughout this process of recording a new record, I have actually gotten surprisingly a lot more sleep than I expected. Most of our nights ended fairly early in the grand scheme of things. I still haven’t been able to sleep past seven most mornings though because my mom brain is still fully in motion. My body aches from recording, from stressing over things out of my control, from trying to soak it all in before it slips right back through my fingers once more. 

Day four began with finishing up tracking the vocals for the last two remaining songs. I stuffed myself back in the vocal closet and sweated my way through each track. I am really proud of the backing vocals that I wrote for this project. I have always had a fairly difficult time writing harmonies that I sing with myself. I’m so used to backing up male voices that this territory is fairly new to me. Ryan also added some percussion and flavor to the songs. 

Day four brought with it my dear friend, Zach. I have spent the last few months of my life waiting for the day when we would be in the same room as one another and not 1200 miles apart trying to send each other voice memos via our phones of tracking ideas. If there’s anyone in this world that understands how I tick musically, it’s this man. Our friendship spans over a decade and I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have play guitar and bass on a project. He came in and added so much goodness that caused me to get out of my comfort zone and shaped the songs in a way I know I never could. He is the missing piece to these songs that are so close to my heart. I never wanted the days to end because I knew that got us that much closer to being so far away once more. I will miss him very much, until our paths cross again once more. 

Playing and creating music with people as good as this causes my heart to just ache. I realize how lucky I am to be able to come up and here and do this project. I realize how much I want these people to be in my life for a very, very long time. When you create together, you are more attached to each other. I think that’s why Ryan drumming on this project is so great. Being married, it’s like we have this second sense about songs, even when tracking live and not being able to see one another at all. Music really does bring people together and I am so very thankful for that and it will be something I treasure forever. 

Day five brought some more recording time, mostly guitars and bass. I also got to track some organ on an old pump organ. That's a lot harder than it looks. I kept having to remember that I need to keep pumping my feet so that sound actually continued to come from the organ. 

We didn’t get a ton of tracking done on this day but it did give us the opportunity to head to Portland. I love that city so much. Every time I get to go back there, no matter how long or short of a trip, I also try to soak it in. We went to Powell’s, bought too many books and then had dinner at Killer Burger. Beer was had. I ate a burger with peanut butter on it and that’s truly a heavenly experience. More beer was had after we got back into town. I soaked in every moment that I could. 

Day 4 & 5. 

Day Two & Three | Driving & Beginning

I figured that since I started writing about this trip and a whole fifteen or so of you faithful readers actually read it, maybe I should keep going. This little blog has been silent for nearly a year. In a year many things occurred....new jobs, selling our home and buying another, birthday parties, the holidays. There's a great, gaping hole in the blog of posts that went unwritten. Life happens a lot sometimes and things fall to the side. It will all be okay, of that I am sure. 

Let's keep moving, shall we? 

Day two mostly consisted of driving and more driving. We stayed the night in Twin Falls, ID after the first day of driving. I hardly slept that night in our hotel. I couldn't shut my mind off no matter how hard I tried to. My mind was filled with song ideas and wondering what it would be like to record with this group of people once again. We have a decade between us and I couldn't make myself rest for even a few hours. It was long night, drawn out in between my tossing and turning. I was thankful when my alarm went off and I could start getting ready for another day of driving. 

We woke early and headed out quickly. The road starts getting a lot more interesting as you get closer to the northwest. Everything slowly starts to become green and a bit more hilly. A good chunk of the second day was on the freeway right next to a river, which definitely beats driving through the likes of Wyoming where everything is just so flat and open. 

That evening was spent eating hamburgers and catching up with friends that I haven't seen in 4 years, since the last time we were up this way. I always like how we just pick right back up where we were before, as if there isn't this great expanse of life lived between us and our families. That feels good. Those are the type of people that will always be in our lives in some capacity, no matter how small. 

Day Three we headed into the studio, up in the country of Rainer, OR. I've known Stephen for a long time and being able to create with him once more is a real treat. There's people that know how run sound and record music, and then there's Stephen. He's a wizard when it comes to this process and understands the importance of a song having a good feel. He knows how I tick as a musician probably better than most people. 

We were able to get all of my scratch vocals, my main instrumentation, and drums tracked yesterday. 5 songs in from the afternoon into the evening. I'm proud of us. We are ahead of schedule and that puts my mind at ease. Being here, it almost feels too easy. Too good. Too much for my heart and soul to take but I desire to just soak it all in with everything that I have in me. 

I miss our kids a lot. We have been Facetiming with them during the day and any time I see another little kid, my heart aches. I welcome the little break, but man...this mama misses her kiddos. Ten years ago, I would have never thought I could feel something like that, but here we are. They are in great hands and we will be back before we know it but I still miss them. 

Today, we are hoping to get some of the final vocals done and then my dear friend will be coming up to track bass and guitar. This is when the fun really begins. I've had all of these songs just knocking around in my brain and heart for many years. Now they are coming into fruition and I can't wait to see what he adds to them. I love watching the layers start to pile up and the songs begin to morph into something grand. 

Also, it's overcast here and not a billion degrees and I love it. 

That is all. 

(Most of these pictures were taken by Ryan.) 

Day One | On The Road

Life moves swiftly. One day you’re a college student, staying up way too late, playing as much music as you possibly can with a group of people that will forever leave a mark on your life. Then the next, you are waking up far too early, married and making sure that your kids survive and thrive through their lives thus far. Life is now filled with changing diapers, making little meals that mostly go uneaten, and working for the man. Life is also filled with finding little pockets of time to pick up my guitar, usually at nap time or staying up far too late because I feel the need to figure out a lyric or melody that I haven’t been able to shake. 

This is me. I am a creative being that has once again become restless yet hopeful. 

Today, I am setting out from the ordinary in hopes that I can create something of worth once more. Today we are on the road to the northwest, the place that held my heart so tightly for so many years. Those years seem very far away to me now, over a decade has passed since I lived there and immersed myself in the music. Thankfully, some of the friendships I gained while there are still in my life in whatever capacity they can be. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and whoever they are, I think they are correct. 

The life I now live is a very good one, I am certain of it. But, I also know that there is a constant whisper hidden deep within me to create and play music in whatever capacity that I can. I know that I can never fully run away from those whispers, they are a constant companion in my life no matter how hard I have tried to ignore them in the past. I couldn’t stop if I tried. 

We are on the road and heading towards the place my heart longs for more often than not. I am going to record an album with people that have shaped my life in so many ways. I have been working my tail off the past couple of months in preparation for this project, dusting off my guitars and kicking out the cobwebs of my musical abilities. I feel rusty but I am hopeful that once I am back in the swing of things, it will flow from me like a second nature once more. 

It almost feels like we are currently driving into the past. Every mile gets me closer to the person I once was but now I am older, hopefully wiser, and ready to dive in fully with abandon. We are away from our kids for nine days and I hardly know what I should be doing with myself. In many ways, it feels like if I don’t do this project now, I probably never will. But, I know that my children are always watching and they get to see their mom following after her dreams and doing something she believes in. This is important work and I refuse to take that lightly. 

“The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.....So if you’re paralyzed with fear, it’s a good sign. It shows you what you have to do.” 

-The War of Art, Steven Pressfield