Day Four & Five | In-Between

Throughout this process of recording a new record, I have actually gotten surprisingly a lot more sleep than I expected. Most of our nights ended fairly early in the grand scheme of things. I still haven’t been able to sleep past seven most mornings though because my mom brain is still fully in motion. My body aches from recording, from stressing over things out of my control, from trying to soak it all in before it slips right back through my fingers once more. 

Day four began with finishing up tracking the vocals for the last two remaining songs. I stuffed myself back in the vocal closet and sweated my way through each track. I am really proud of the backing vocals that I wrote for this project. I have always had a fairly difficult time writing harmonies that I sing with myself. I’m so used to backing up male voices that this territory is fairly new to me. Ryan also added some percussion and flavor to the songs. 

Day four brought with it my dear friend, Zach. I have spent the last few months of my life waiting for the day when we would be in the same room as one another and not 1200 miles apart trying to send each other voice memos via our phones of tracking ideas. If there’s anyone in this world that understands how I tick musically, it’s this man. Our friendship spans over a decade and I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have play guitar and bass on a project. He came in and added so much goodness that caused me to get out of my comfort zone and shaped the songs in a way I know I never could. He is the missing piece to these songs that are so close to my heart. I never wanted the days to end because I knew that got us that much closer to being so far away once more. I will miss him very much, until our paths cross again once more. 

Playing and creating music with people as good as this causes my heart to just ache. I realize how lucky I am to be able to come up and here and do this project. I realize how much I want these people to be in my life for a very, very long time. When you create together, you are more attached to each other. I think that’s why Ryan drumming on this project is so great. Being married, it’s like we have this second sense about songs, even when tracking live and not being able to see one another at all. Music really does bring people together and I am so very thankful for that and it will be something I treasure forever. 

Day five brought some more recording time, mostly guitars and bass. I also got to track some organ on an old pump organ. That's a lot harder than it looks. I kept having to remember that I need to keep pumping my feet so that sound actually continued to come from the organ. 

We didn’t get a ton of tracking done on this day but it did give us the opportunity to head to Portland. I love that city so much. Every time I get to go back there, no matter how long or short of a trip, I also try to soak it in. We went to Powell’s, bought too many books and then had dinner at Killer Burger. Beer was had. I ate a burger with peanut butter on it and that’s truly a heavenly experience. More beer was had after we got back into town. I soaked in every moment that I could. 

Day 4 & 5. 

Missing Music

A part of me has been dormant for over a year now. A part of me has been silent. Somedays I notice its absence, other days I am knee deep in all that life has to offer and all that parenting brings with it, that I forget to remember and look back for even just a moment. 

As of August 9th, it has been one year since I played music with my band. I was a few months pregnant at the time and my guitar still could fit over my growing belly if I tilted it to the side a little bit. We played at a local coffeehouse/bookstore. The faces of our friends and family looked back at us from comfy couches and tables filled with coffee and scones and good beer. 

During that evening, I wasn’t fully aware that it would be the last time that I would play those songs with those wonderful people for a long time. Originally, we were planning on playing a show in October but then we faced some complications with little Marin and I was way too stressed and worried to play a show. My belly was probably too large then anyway. Playing guitar pregnant is a pretty interesting task. 

I wish I would have known that it would be the last time, at least for a while. I want to go back and hold all of that evening closer than I did. We had just started introducing a bunch of new songs, none of which have been recorded to this day. I don’t want to lose them. I want to hold on to them with everything within me. 

Playing music is like nothing else that I have ever experienced. There is no other aspect of my life that can be so freeing yet so focused all at the same time. I get the opportunity to completely let go but also share intense parts of who I am and the experiences I write about. There is nothing else like it. 

Parenting truly changes everything. Becoming a mom has shifted my focus almost completely away from myself to this little baby that can’t care for herself. I have gone through more physical, mental, and spiritual changes in the past 6 months than I have in most of my life. I don't regret any of it. 

I don’t want this to be the end of my music. I believe it was placed in me for a reason. I also believe that we go through certain seasons where you must lay certain things down in order to embrace something new. I believe I am in that season. 

 

I will play again. In what capacity, I truly don’t know. But, if you are reading this and you were a part of the music we played, just know that I don’t want to be gone forever. I want to be able to call you up randomly and we can go play a show. I want those late nights talking about life on the back porch mid-practice when we all just need a break. I want the feeling of coming together as a team and creating a piece of art that none of us could do just by ourselves. I want to be able to play the same bridge over and over again until we get our parts just right. 

I miss you guys. I miss the feeling of guitar strings and calluses. I miss singing to the point of waking up the next day and hardly having a voice. I miss the ability to let go. I miss the insatiable need to create something of worth. 

I hope one day we can all continue on this journey together even though we all find ourselves in so many different seasons. I hope one day we can capture what we created in a record. 

I don't need to be famous. I don't need to travel the world playing music. I just want to do this with people that are in it for the same reasons I am: because we don't know how to function in life without it and know that when we aren't playing music something is missing.