It's the Weekend | Number Fourteen

I've been pretty good lately about waking up earlier than everyone else in my house. I'm trying to savor these quiet mornings because we will soon be adding a newborn baby to our normal chaos and I'm sure I will sleep a lot less and everything will be a lot louder. I also have to get up to use the restroom a few times each night and usually one of those times is early in the morning. I lay in bed contemplating whether or not I should get up. My bladder always wins but then I find myself in our quiet living room, coffee cup in hand, and my Bible. I've been working through the Bible In a Year via the YouVersion app. I love it. It's simple. Straight forward. I've been reading a lot of the Old Testament lately which is always interesting, especially when there's chapter after chapter about how things should be built and sacrificed. I'm in Leviticus currently and it can get a little dull, but I'm pushing through.

This week has been a good one. We had air conditioning installed in our home on Monday and I feel like my life is forever changed. This overheated, very pregnant gal is super thankful for that update. Yesterday was the hottest day we've seen yet this year and I was, for once, comfortable in the rooms in our upstairs tri-level. Best money we've ever spent. We are done with home improvements for this year though. It's only June and we've replaced our roof, kitchen appliances, furnace, and air conditioner this year. No more spending money for a while. But, I love our little home. Sure, there's things I would change about but as of today actually, we have lived here for 7 years. Our first home. We've made a lot of changes and I am very happy with all of them. 

Anyways, here's some link love for this lovely Saturday. 

Money Savers for Boy Moms. I will need this. 

5 ways to survive entertaining as an introvert. I would like to think I'm not an introvert, but I really am. I'm not the life of a party but I do like when people I love gather together. 

It's pretty much summer time. Here are some fun, budget friendly ideas to keep kids busy this summer. 

A $2 lunch idea from Trader Joes? Sign me up. 

Money is a touchy subject. Sometimes we have things we want to say about money but we never do. 

How to create when you just don't feel like it. 

As a millennial, do I have an obsession with self-care? Interesting read. 

Have a great weekend! 

Missing Music

A part of me has been dormant for over a year now. A part of me has been silent. Somedays I notice its absence, other days I am knee deep in all that life has to offer and all that parenting brings with it, that I forget to remember and look back for even just a moment. 

As of August 9th, it has been one year since I played music with my band. I was a few months pregnant at the time and my guitar still could fit over my growing belly if I tilted it to the side a little bit. We played at a local coffeehouse/bookstore. The faces of our friends and family looked back at us from comfy couches and tables filled with coffee and scones and good beer. 

During that evening, I wasn’t fully aware that it would be the last time that I would play those songs with those wonderful people for a long time. Originally, we were planning on playing a show in October but then we faced some complications with little Marin and I was way too stressed and worried to play a show. My belly was probably too large then anyway. Playing guitar pregnant is a pretty interesting task. 

I wish I would have known that it would be the last time, at least for a while. I want to go back and hold all of that evening closer than I did. We had just started introducing a bunch of new songs, none of which have been recorded to this day. I don’t want to lose them. I want to hold on to them with everything within me. 

Playing music is like nothing else that I have ever experienced. There is no other aspect of my life that can be so freeing yet so focused all at the same time. I get the opportunity to completely let go but also share intense parts of who I am and the experiences I write about. There is nothing else like it. 

Parenting truly changes everything. Becoming a mom has shifted my focus almost completely away from myself to this little baby that can’t care for herself. I have gone through more physical, mental, and spiritual changes in the past 6 months than I have in most of my life. I don't regret any of it. 

I don’t want this to be the end of my music. I believe it was placed in me for a reason. I also believe that we go through certain seasons where you must lay certain things down in order to embrace something new. I believe I am in that season. 

 

I will play again. In what capacity, I truly don’t know. But, if you are reading this and you were a part of the music we played, just know that I don’t want to be gone forever. I want to be able to call you up randomly and we can go play a show. I want those late nights talking about life on the back porch mid-practice when we all just need a break. I want the feeling of coming together as a team and creating a piece of art that none of us could do just by ourselves. I want to be able to play the same bridge over and over again until we get our parts just right. 

I miss you guys. I miss the feeling of guitar strings and calluses. I miss singing to the point of waking up the next day and hardly having a voice. I miss the ability to let go. I miss the insatiable need to create something of worth. 

I hope one day we can all continue on this journey together even though we all find ourselves in so many different seasons. I hope one day we can capture what we created in a record. 

I don't need to be famous. I don't need to travel the world playing music. I just want to do this with people that are in it for the same reasons I am: because we don't know how to function in life without it and know that when we aren't playing music something is missing.