Portrait Two

I took this photo last week and I am just now finding the time to post it. As part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month. This is September, in all of it's early morning, un-showered, unruly haired glory. 

Lately, Sullivan will wake up anytime between 3:30am and 5:30am. I stumble out of bed and feed him in the soft glow of his nightlight. After that I put him back in his crib and decide whether or not I will just get up or go back to bed. If it's anywhere near 5am, I just get up. If it's before that, I will usually head back to bed to sleep for just a little while longer. 

I love mornings. Becoming a parent has slowly helped me become more of a morning person. I was much more of a night owl in the my college days but those days are long gone. I normally do not see midnight nowadays unless I'm waking up to feed a baby, change a diaper, or wipe a runny nose. The morning is the only time that I find an overwhelming peace and I find myself longing for that time, no matter how long or short it may be that day. 

If I decide to stay up after I've fed Sullivan, I walk downstairs and make some coffee. I sit in my chair by the piano. My books, Bible, and journals are found on the table next to me. I usually try to read my Bible along with whatever reading plan I'm doing. Then I will read a portion of a personal development book of some sort. If time allows and everyone is still sleeping, I will journal in my moleskin. My goal is usually three pages, taken from the Artist's Way Morning Pages. I write about my days, my hopes, my frustrations, my prayers. I've journaled for a very long time through many seasons of my life and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. Putting pen to paper is such a great way for me to begin my day, no matter how many times I was up in the night with the kids. 

This portrait captures the person I am in the quiet hours of the morning before anyone else is awake. I usually watch the sun rise out of the living room window. If it's raining, I throw open the windows and drink my cup of coffee that hasn't been reheated a million times within the course of my parenting day. My hair is always a mess. I usually can be found cuddled up in a blanket in my robe that I bought for when I was in the hospital having Sullivan. I spend part of my morning whisper yelling at the cat to quit raising hell in the house and try to not feed him too early because he always seems to puke it back up again when Ryan is sleeping. Kitty puke is the worst. 

This is me in September of this year. I'm slowly trying to rediscover who I am in the early morning hours. A mom, a wife, a creative individual that needs this time to soak, pray, and better myself. I am always willing to wake up at 5am to get this time. I need it. 

One Little Word | 2015

I've been trying to write this post for about two weeks now. It just hasn't seemed to grow into something of worth and I have just journaled about it just about every morning. The words I've scribbled on the pages in those early morning hours just haven't clicked until this morning. 

Many people I know pick one little word for their new year. This one little word becomes their mantra for the year. Sometimes the word finds them, sometimes they seek out the words. I had a word last year but didn't blog about it. My word for 2014 was BRAVE. This was fitting because within the course of 2014, we became parents. Childbirth was a daunting task. I knew I needed to be BRAVE. I knew there was no looking back once we reached that point. Being BRAVE as a parent is at the forefront of everything I have experienced in the past year. I also needed to be BRAVE when it came to quitting my job, the job I had for almost 6 years, and jump blindly into something new. BRAVE was a fitting word. I needed it. 

As I mentioned earlier, my word for 2015 just wasn't coming to me even though I was seeking it out. I wanted something positive but not cheesy. I wanted something that could be used in all areas of my life. I wanted something new. 

My word for 2015 might not seem like a very positive word when you look at the definition of it, but I think it carries a lot of power for this new year. 

My word for 2015 is.........

Less. 

LESS STUFF |  I want to go through everything we own and get rid of a lot of it. I'm sick of feeling like we are growing out of a house that should be just fine for now. 

LESS NEED |  I don't really need a new car, even if I want one. I don't really need 3 pairs of boots that are almost exactly the same. 

LESS WEIGHT |  I want to feel confident in my skin once more after having a baby. It will be a journey, of that I am sure. 

LESS MONEY |  We are moving into a season where I am not making the amount of money I once did. Frugality will need to be common place in our little home. 

LESS STRESS |  I want to wake up every morning and keep journaling. I want to know what is to not say "yes" to everything. I want more time spent with my kid and less time worrying about stupid things. 

LESS OF ME, MORE OF HIM | 

"He must become great and greater, and I must become less and less." John 3:30

LESS WASTING TIME | I want to make every moment count, especially when it comes to my family.  

Are you interested in finding your one little word? Check out this podcast and this blog. 

Glorified Busyness: Who Are We Trying to Impress Again?

In this very moment, I feel the need to run away from everything or at least take a little break. From motherhood. From a job that is stressing me out so much lately and I feel so much change on the horizon. From the fussy child next to me that is probably teething and might be having a worse go at today than myself. From the bills that need to be paid for the stuff that we don’t really need. From the lack of time. From the lack of freedom. From the lack of passion and creativity. 

Let go my soul, and trust in Him. 

The waves and wind still know His name. 

That is the song currently playing in our little home office. Marin is looking at me as if to say, “Is everything alright, Mom? I’m growing today.” 

It is well. 

With my soul. 

Talk about a gut punch to the heart. A check. A balance. 

Jesus Calling stated this a few days ago: 

Come away with Me for awhile. The world, with its nonstop demands, can be put on hold. Most people put Me on hold, rationalizing that someday they will find time to focus on Me. But the longer they push Me into the background of their lives, the harder it is for them to find Me.  

You live among people who glorify busyness; they have made time a tyrant that controls their lives. Even those who know Me as Savior tend to march to the tempo of the world. They have bought into the illusion that more is always better; more meetings, more programs, more activity. 

I have called you to follow Me on a solitary path, making time alone with Me your highest priority and deepest Joy. It is a pathway largely unappreciated and often despised. However, you have chosen the better thing, which will never be taken away from you. Moreover, as you walk close to Me, I can bless others through you. 

I live my life in my mind between a couple rules of thought, between a couple of ways that I feel my days should be lived out. The whys, hows, whats, and whens are usually around, just hanging out and wondering when I will give them the time of day. We are busy. Our lifestyles are busy. Add a baby into the mix and I can’t wait to finally put my head on my pillow at night, only to be woken up too early the next morning. Change this diaper, nurse the baby, fold the laundry, work on the work project, try and not eat the rest of the donuts in the pretty pink box on the counter, write this blog, make this blog look better, try and sit down to actually play an instrument and finish a song, try and better the world through essential oils, debate if I should be a seller or just use them for my family, realize that I need to share them, work on another side business, edit photos, shoot a wedding...and....and....and...and. That run on sentence only reveals to me the chaos that is our life.

I tend to glorify busyness. It has been a part of my DNA for so long but I want to call it out now. To be done with it. I always have my hands in a million things and I tell myself that it is within the chaos that I thrive. I think I’ve been telling myself that lie for a really long time. Over the last few days I have felt the insatiable need to simplify our lives, to some how go through every room in this house and get rid of all of the stuff that is in the way. I want to simplify our schedule. I constantly feel the need to be knee deep in many business ventures because we need the extra income. I want to dive into those ventures not due to a financial need but for a creative, “I’ll grow from this” need. I’m ready for the hospital bills from having a baby to be done and over with. I am ready to not stress about our finances or making sure the yard looks nice. 

Who are we trying to impress again? Oh, no one? That’s right. 

I want simplicity. I want time spent with Jesus in all of the chaos. 

I am a work in progress. 

Let go my soul, and trust in Him. 

The waves and wind still know His name. 

Currently Clicking: Week #18

Each and every week, I gather links of all of the places I have been perusing in the great, grand internet. There are plenty of people out there doing big things and small things. Some of these are practical, some are inspiring. This week, I found a stay at home yoga studio. I am wondering if live music is losing its edge. I am dreaming of recipes that involves toast, the benefits of journaling, how to drink a gallon of water or more per day, living a more simple and intentional life, and a few drool worthy house tours. 

• I am always trying to find time to get back into shape after having a baby. I really like yoga as well. Here is a virtual, stay at home yoga studio.  Improve your health, reduce stress, and move in the direction of your goals. 
• This is an interesting ready about why concerts have stopped being fun. I am a musician, performing music in front of a group of people is on a whole different level for me in life. Have we lost our reason for live shows? I sure hope not. 
• I love toast. I would eat it every day and some week I do that. It is versatile and delicious. Here is an Ode To Toast, vegan style. 
• In the past, I have kept a journal for years and years. Since having a baby, I haven't really devoted the time towards this timeless act, but maybe I need to. I have stacks and stacks of beat up, moleskine journal all over our home. I can go back and read exactly what I was experiencing through out the years. They are timeless keepsakes. Read more about the benefits of keeping a journal. I feel the need to return back to this practice. 
• I have been trying to drink more water lately. It has so many benefits but it is always a matter of remembering to do so and not getting to the point where I would drink gallons upon gallons because I am so thirty. The Freckled Fox has a plan for drinking a gallon or more of water per day. 
• Everything about this post resonates with where I have been lately. I desire a simple life, free of distractions, that allows me to focus completely on my family and our dreams. Read more about a simple, intentional life. 
• We will end today with two house tours. One is in the state we live in. Another one is what loft dreams are made of. 

Bullet Journaling: How I Organize My Chaos

I am currently on maternity leave. My life is chaotic now and will be even more so once I have to return back to work. (Notice how I said "have to?" I haven't quite come to terms yet with returning back to real life in a month of so....baby steps.)

I am an organizer by default and I have been writing in journals for as long as I can remember. There's a box out the garage now that is full of my scribbles all the way back to grade school. It's been a part of my life for a very long time. I like to document. I like to make lists. I like to check of the little boxes once a task is completely and move on to the next. I like to be able to look back and see what I've gone through and how I got on the other side of all of it. I like to see what has been accomplished and what still needs to be worked on. 

About a month ago, I stumbled across Bullet Journaling. I believe I first heard about it here or on this podcast. Probably both. I had to learn more. 

I've been using Moleskine notebooks for a few years now. These pens are also my jam. I have horrible (note: REALLY BAD) handwriting and these pens help a little. I'll take what I can get. I guess it works to my advantage sometimes. If I don't want people reading my notebooks, they can't even if they try because they can't read my scribbles. It's my secret skill: bad handwriting. 

I am slightly obsessed with this way of note taking and to-do list making. (That rhymed.) I have been making my lists daily this way for about a month now and plan to continue doing this for a long time. I usually begin my day by making a cup of coffee and some breakfast (after feeding the little one) and then sit down to make my list for the day. 

Learn all about Bullet Journaling here. You will learn about having an index, a monthly calendar, monthly tasks, and daily tasks. There are certain symbols for certain things. There are ways to make sure you don't lose any points in the process, even if you fail to accomplish that task on that given day. 

I love this stuff. I do. I'm slightly obsessed and I don't care who knows it!