Rain

I need a fresh start today. A real one. A powerful one. 

Yesterday turned out to be a little rough on the work front and I still can’t shake it. There’s been so many times lately where I can’t take it. There’s been so many times where even though I do make good money and work for an awesome company, I don’t feel like what I’m doing there is making any sort of difference: I am just in the way. I don’t matter. I am not making life better for people that work there but maybe worse. I’ve failed. 

Melodramatic much? 

I know much of what was stated above isn't true. 

At least it’s been raining all night. I almost feel like that’s God little sign to me saying: it’s going to be ok. Remember how I used to wash you of all impurities and mistakes in your life before in the northwest. Remember the rain. Remember My promises. 

Rain carries with it a heaviness for me but also a welcomed breath. I am hurled back to the years of my past the second I hear the rain hit the pavement. So much of my life was once saturated by this rain. So many of my decisions, my triumphs and failures, were made in this rain. It followed me 1200 miles back to this very place I write today, if only to remind me of what once was, what isn’t anymore, and possibly what could be ahead. 

I will probably have some courageous conversations today. I will probably be stretched and need to face my faults or at least what I think are my faults. It’s going to be ok. We all need those days even though most of the time we try not to face them. It’s part of the process. I don’t believe it’s possible to work around so many people and not face this process. 

I needed this rain today. 

I would be entirely fine if it kept up all day and into this evening. 

I Once Left My Heart In Longview

I've felt like such a jet-setter these past few weeks. After the California trip with The Piggies, I worked for three days and then promptly hopped on another plane early Thursday morning, bound for Longview, WA. I lived in Longview during my college years and it was probably the most difficult, life-shaping season of my life thus far. I met amazing people, played tons of music with tons of wonderful people, made some mistakes, had some triumphs, and then moved home to pick up all of the pieces after a few years. I don't regret any of it, at all. That time in my life has become part of who I am and I don't take that lightly for a second. 

Certain seasons change you and stay with you always. Longview is my ever-enduring season. 

My friend, Nate, was getting married, and my dear friends Katie, Brian and I took to the air and arrived in Longview for a swiftly passing, yet wonderful weekend. I was able to see old friends and meet new ones along the way. I stayed in the home in which I resided for the first few years I was there. We mapped out our expedition based only on where we wanted to eat. It was a weekend full of old and new. It passed far too quickly. 

Portland. Still one of my favorite cities ever. 

Katie. My best friend. We have been through thick and thin together. I am blessed to call her friend. 

Longview, WA

Being there though was good for me. I think at times I hold Longview with such nostalgia that I forget that times were tough then and I went through a lot to get where I am today. Times have changed, people have moved away, people have gotten married, and moved on with their lives. The homeless population has quadrupled and the drug presence has only increased. My heart aches for that little town. The heaviness over that town has only gotten worse.  

My old room, my old bed. So many memories in this house.

From being there that weekend, I can say with upmost certainty that the life I have now is completely where I am supposed to be in my life. I have it made. I work for a good company, we own a house, I'm married to an amazing man, we get to play music with some of our best friends. Longview is a season that is now the past and I think that I'm finally alright with that statement. It was good for me to visit so that I could finally come to that realization. It's a healthy journey. One that must be taken. 

The Wedding

In the northwest, you have to drink coffee. It's a must. 

Birthday Celebrations with friends young and old. 

Bruno's Pizza. I waited all weekend for this. 

Bound for home. 

(I apologize for all of the iPhone photos. I didn't have my camera with me nearly as much as I should have.)