This is 32 | A New List

My final portrait from my series, taken on the eve of my 32nd birthday.

11, 699 days in so far in this thing called life, as of today that is. I had every intention of actually getting these words out into the open over a week ago when I rang in a new year of life but...life happened per usual. Work happened, raising kids happened, trying to catch up on sleep kind of happened but who are we kidding, really? 

I have a feeling that year thirty two is going to be a good one for me, one like I've never quite experienced before. Why? I'm not sure how to put my finger on it but this past season has been one of swift and immense change in just about every area of my life. I feel like this new year is going to be much the same and I'm kind of just along for the ride so far.

 Looking back upon my life over the last decade, I never really thought I would be where I am now. I'm back working at the office that I left 4 years ago and it still is strange to me to sit and work in that office once more. Every morning that I go into work, it still feels strange to put on my name tag and walk through those halls.  We have two children, which is still seemingly mind boggling to me in many ways. Becoming a mom has changed me more than anything else in my life. 

As of last week, we have officially transitioned back to the church we called home when we were newleyweds and into the years of our lives pre-babies. I have been trying to be intentional and cry out for my family in this season more than I ever have before. No longer working at church opened up my ears and my heart more to where God was leading us in this new season. He has lead us to return to where we once were. As with all decisions of this caliber, it has not been easy especially because many of th people I was in ministry with, I have been in ministry with for over half of my life. That’s a long time. But, sitting in our new (old) church home on Sunday, I was flooded with so much peace and I know we are where we need to be. Sometimes transition is hard and I have felt that in so many areas of our lives. But lately, I have felt peace the surpasses all of my understanding in this life and I know I just need to keep listening. 

Every year for the past few years, I have created a list of things that I want to accomplish before my next birthday rolls around, as it always does. Now that I am on my way into my mid-thirties, at least in a few years, I feel like it is expected of me to get my crap together more. My twenties feel very, very, very far away now and life looks completely different than I thought it would. Good different, but different nonetheless. 

Here is my list from last year. I have gone in and crossed out the ones that I actually accomplished. There are some things on this list that I have placed on the list every year and every year I don’t accomplish them, but here we are. I know many of you could really care less if I cross off items on my list, but I love things like this and I will probably continue to make these lists for a long time. 

Below is my list for this new year of life....I am now 32, which still seems odd to me in the grand scheme of things. But, I’m ready to dive in to this new year, full of hope even though so many things still feel like they are unknown. 

33 books
Read through the Bible
Go camping
Become debt free
Get another tattoo
Sell our house (This is probably the biggest undertaking on this list...) 
10 year anniversary trip
Family Trip
Holiday Bucket List 
Try Buki Yoga & Lekfit
Secret Thing #1 (Wouldn’t you like to know?) 
Fly in a plane
Farmers Market
Use the library more
No Spend Month
Drive in Movie
Find another side hustle
Fall Bucket List
Play a show or play FOCOMX 
Have pie in Estes
Intuitive Eating
Go to a concert
See the ocean
52 Blog Posts for the year
Stay at the Elizabeth Hotel
Get a massage
Finish a song
30 Day Challenge
Revamp the weekly cleaning schedule
Go meat free for a while
New pick up and tune up for my Martin acoustic
Family Dinner 2x per week and focus on meal planning
Make bread from scratch

This is 32. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Two

We have survived the first week of newborn life and today marks week two for little Sullivan. I feel like the fog of newborn-ness is wearing off ever so slowly and I'm slowly starting to feel like a human once more. Ever so slowly. 

My healing process has been so different from my birth with Marin. I am definitely not a huge fan of having a c-section. Turns out, I have a little infection and I have been on antibiotics for the past few days. I'm ready to be able to pick up my toddler and vacuum my house. We are slowly getting there but this has been totally different from last time. 

My quiet mornings look quite different now. 

Baby Sullivan is a little champ and I am so thankful for that given the transition from one to two children. Ryan goes back to work on Thursday and I am pretty much trying to slowly figure out how to do life with two kids in tow. It's a totally different ball game. I have a feeling that I will be lucky to get a shower in and eat meals at normal times. Luckily Marin can go to the bathroom pretty much by herself and is fairly independent. We have had some extra tantrums from her lately though and I know she's adjusting to life now just like the rest of us. I keep having to remind myself of that. We are all in transition. We will all be ok. These days are going to pass by so quickly. 

Checking on baby brother

He is eating well and I am super thankful for the fact that he is a good eater. Breastfeeding with Marin was a pretty big struggle for the first month or so. This feels so different from that. We've even had a few longer stretches of sleep at night, only two so far, but I will take what I can get at this point. Any extra sleep I get helps me to not be such a zombie during the day. 

His skin has been freaking out a bit but I feel like it's finally starting to calm down. He's almost lost his umbilical cord and we will give him his first bath soon. He was circumcised a week ago and that is healing up very well.  

Overall, we are all just learning how to do life together as a family of four. I've had to take it slower than I would normally like. Marin is learning how to be big sister and not be the center of attention at all times. We are once again in the learning phase of parenting. We are trying to keep everything resembling some sort of order but sometimes we just need to embrace the chaos. 

I am trying to relax and soak all of my maternity leave in. So much of me still thinks about work and how things are going there. I just need to chill out and focus on where I am. All of this will pass very quickly and I will soon be back to the chaos of work along with two kids. I just keep telling myself...

The days are long but the years are short. 

Soak it in. 

Baby Sullivan. Week two.