The End of One Thing, The Beginning of Another

Nowadays, not very many people can say that they have worked in the same job for 35 years. Not very many people can say that they stuck it out, worked their hardest, and lived a full life. I feel like in a lot of ways, longevity like that is a lost art. So many people nowadays start one job and are on the to the next the blink of an eye. 

Not my dad. He finished strong. Now he's ready for whatever else life has for him. 

I was able to celebrate a major milestone in my father's life on Monday: his retirement. It's pretty crazy to think how many years he has spent as a firefighter. He has been a firefighter longer than I have been alive...35 years of his life have been spent in this career, this life. 

When I was little, I used to try and not think too much about what my father did for a living. Honestly, it scared the crap out of me most days. I remember a few nights waking up and praying for him because I wasn't sure what was going on but I was sure that he was probably heading into a burning building, or on his way to car accident, or something else that most people will never witness in their lives. I'm certain my dad has seen many things and been in many situations that he will never tell me about. 

The respect I have for this man is unending and massive. He has sacrificed his life over and over again with every fire he has fought, with every crew he has fought those fires with. He has always stood strong, fought hard for his crew, and worked hard. I am honored to be his daughter and to have witness him throughout the years as he went to work day in and day out. 

On his last shift, firefighter crews from all over Fort Collins came to pay their respect. They lowered the station flag and gave it to my dad. 

I know my dad is now leaving a job well done and I know that whatever he does next, he will approach the very same. 

 

I love you, Dad. Thank you for your service to this community and for dedicating most of your life to helping others. I am excited to see what is next for you in this thing called life. 

29

Today is my birthday. Today I turn 29 years old. The Facebook, "Happy Birthdays!" have already started to pour in and I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed early to write before my day officially begins and the rest of the house wakes up. I wanted to sit in my arm chair, with a coffee next to me and write without picking cheerios up off of the floor and dealing with spilled milk. 

29. 29. Twenty-nine. I feel like I was just twenty-one, playing a show in downtown Portland, in an unwise relationship with the wrong boy, and drinking my first Mickey's, surrounded by friends and pasta in an actual restaurant. That was shockingly 8 years ago. I don't even know me from back then anymore. 

Time has changed so swiftly in the last few years. So many things occurred even in the last year alone, from twenty-eight to twenty-nine. This time last year, we had a 6 month old baby girl and I was still slightly crazed from childbirth, still breastfeeding, still finding my footing in the brave new world of motherhood. I was trapped in an unknown body of left-over pregnancy weight and too many consumed donuts and Chinese takeout. 

My job changed in my 28th year as well and I was set free. Getting out of healthcare was the best decision I have ever made as far as my "career" goes. I don't even want to think about how life would be if I was still there, still stuck, still miserable. 

28 was the year that I played the least amount of music. That realization obviously saddens me greatly but I've come to terms with the dry season I find myself in. You have a child and suddenly this full on life-altering shift occurs and the things that I once obsessed and stressed over seem not nearly as important as they once were. Music is still in my bones. But, motherhood and raising a smart, creative, enduring child is my season. 

People are always asking me, "When are you going to book some shows? When are getting the band back together? Are you writing anything?" I am in a season where I am more thrilled by Marin learning a new word, even if that word is just "boobies." I am on a journey of discovery through the eyes of our child and in this season, that is still enough. It has to be. It must be. 

So, hello 29. I have no idea of what experiences and lessons you will hold for me in this new year of living but if it's anything like the years of my past, I look forward to the next 365 days of life, lessons, and new seasons. 

What Does a Career Look Like, Anyway?

I get up nearly every morning (sometimes not on the weekends) and journal out my thoughts and goals for the day. I write my lists, I vent my annoyances regarding some of the things life can throw ones way, and I dream of the day when I can rid myself of the office life forever. Don't get me wrong, the job I currently hold has taught me many things, I get to work with some pretty awesome people, and it pays our bills as much as it's able to. But, there's many things missing. I work with numbers, spreadsheets, and time off requests all day. I find small triumphs in finishing a HR project or being able to balance the money for the day. Little things, baby steps. 

But, that's not what I was made to do. Have I learned a lot? Of course. Do I understand far more how a business is supposed to run and have witnessed the behind the scenes operations of the day to day? Of course. But, I've come to realize that if I don't come home and do something creative (ie write a song, take a picture, decorate my house, even bake a cake) I will surely lose my mind. Numbers and spreadsheets don't cause my heart to skip a beat. 

There's just so much more that I haven't embarked upon. 2012 seems already to be a time for me to prepare; for what, I'm not entirely certain, but what I do know is that I will not be tied to a cubicle for the rest of my life. 

My dreams are big. I can envision the very shop I would want to curate and get my hands dirty in. The displays, the products, the music, the location, the people, the community. Would it be easy? Of course not. With the condition of the economy currently, much is at stake. But, still I dream, still I hope, still I plan. 

Everyday I am making an effort to work towards my dream. I am studying like crazy, talking to people who have been there and done that, found a mentor that knows business better than anyone I've ever known, and immersing myself in the life of being a small business owner. All of this is still being done while I work away in my little office at my current place of employment. If I don't plan and research now, I won't be able to live into the dream later. Granted that may be a few years down the road, but at least I'm taking baby steps. 

My friend gave this to me the other day and it really makes me think. People hear me speak of my dreams, they understand them, and want to help me meet some of them. So encouraging. So now, I plan. I dream. I hope. 

Career Dreams.....

....are slowly showing themselves in the light of today. If I had my way, meaning not to work a nine-fiver at an office where I work on spreadsheets all day, I would do what I'm doing today.

Case and point.

In a few hours I am going to decorate for a wedding. I love decor. I love the thrill of all of the details swiftly coming together into something that speaks true to the people the details are for. This wedding is very organic and whimsical. So beautiful.

Shortly after that, I am putting on my shoes as the wedding photographer for the day. Not only do I get to put together all of the details of our friends big day, I get to capture the memories through photograph. My favorite.

Can this be my everyday? Pretty please. I think that would be purely wonderful. I would wake everyday with a new found passion for these things. All of those design blogs I pour over daily could finally be used towards something. All of the money spend pouring into these hobbies would finally be worth something.

When I work on the details and have a camera in my hand is when I am most happy. I think that amount of happiness sits even above playing music in my book. Music is a close second surely, but over the last few years, decor and design have been some of my secret loves. I dream of them in the late hours of the night or as I'm sitting in my office at work balancing monies and dealing with giving people vacations off.

Someday, I will do this full time. I'm determined. It makes me feel so alive.

So here's to an awesome day. Here's to Steve and Maggie spending the rest of their lives together and getting to enjoy their big day.

We love you guys.