Baby Sullivan | Week Thirty Six

This past week has been crazy, even though our home is pretty much back to normal after the kitchen cabinet remodel. I am very thankful to have dinner at our kitchen table in our actual kitchen. Not having a kitchen with two small children was quite the adventure. I'll be posting about the cabinets in the next few days or so. I still need to take some "after" photos. I love them. They are so great and clean and I don't have to ever paint them ever again. Hallelujah. 

Many things have been changing this week and I'm just trying to grasp all of it. Granted, most of the change has been at my hand, but nonetheless, our lives have been all over the place lately. Some of you know this, some of you do not but I guess now is a better time as any to tell you all out in the grand internet....

I gave my two weeks notice at the church I work for, at least in the administrative role that I have been in the past few years. For the past few years, I have lived and breathed all things admin. It has been a wild ride but I really started to feel the need for more consistency in our schedule and I really, really, really want to be able to raise our own children. Now I know that sounds like I quit my job and am not replacing it with another, but that is not how this story ends. Long story short...I'm going back to the pediatric dental office I was at for nearly 6 years of my life. Many people probably think I'm crazy but I need a job I can go to, work hard at all day, then walk out the doors and leave it there. With working in a church and in ministry, it's 24/7 in one capacity or another. I think if we didn't have children, this would all look so different but for now, I'm going back to the dental world, part time. I also am still going to be even more involved in worship at church and I'm looking forward to diving deeper into that part of me once more. That part has been dormant for far too long. I've been involved but I have always had a million other administrative responsiblities taking up space in my head. It will be nice to not have to worry about all of that and just focus again in the place my heart really longs for. 

Anyways...enough about me. Sullivan is thirty six weeks old. His top two teeth are going to break through any day now and he's had quite a bit of teething pain this week. His normal demeanor is super chill to begin with so I know when he's hurting. Poor dude. Teething is pretty much the worst. 

He's been eating like a champ. The dude loves eat. His current favorites are meatballs, tortellini, peas, carrots, avocados, hummus, and bananas. He eats better than Marin most days. The girl knows what she likes and pretty much refuses to steer away from that. I know that's mostly our fault as parents...too many cheeseburgers...not enough broccoli. 

I have been trying to not nurse or pump quite as much and keep end up being in way too much pain. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I was trying to get down to one pumping session during the day at work, especially with the new job coming up and just feed him in the morning and at night. But, we aren't quite there yet. I need to slowly back off of all the feedings and supplement instead of going almost cold turkey. My body gets all confused and in pain when I drastically start changing feeding times and frequencies. Breastfeeding has been great this time around and I am definitely not ready to give it up completely. 

Marin has been on Spring Break this week and it's been nice with all of my work craziness to not have her in school for a few days. She's had one slumber party already with the grandparents and she will be with the other set of grandparents tomorrow evening with her cousin. Marin loves sleepovers but I feel like they wipe her out so much. When she finally does sleep, she sleeps hard. 

Here's Marin at Week Thirty Six.  The crazy thing is that when I posted her week thirty six, I had just changed jobs to the job that I just gave my notice at this week. Life is crazy sometimes. 

Week Thirty Six. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Thirty

Here we are at Week Thirty! Sully is will be 7 months old on Saturday. He's growing leaps and bounds and is such a little man lately. 

He finally is rolling over! It took him a while to get the gist of it but now that he knows how, that's all he wants to do. So far he only will roll over from tummy to back but not back to tummy quite yet. Now, the moment you put him on his tummy, he rolls right over and is so pleased with himself every time he does it. He's never been a huge fan of tummy time, but now that he can flip over, he definitely is totally fine with not remaining on his tummy for too long. 

He has been sleeping longer stretches at night and I am forever thankful. For a while there, he was waking up anywhere between 1:30am and 4:30am. Now he sleeps from 7pm-ish until about 4:30/5:30am. Hallelujah. So much better. I'm sure we will face another sleep regression soon but for now I'm soaking in those few hours of uninterrupted sleep while I can. 

We have been feeding him solids for three meals a day. Last Friday, we tried the chicken & sweet potatoes jarred food. He liked it a little too much because he ended up eating too much and throwing most of it up throughout the course of the afternoon. Poor little dude! I was washing a lot of bed sheets after that endeavor. I am laying off the meat jarred food for a bit longer because I don't think his little tummy is quite ready yet. 

We are in the process of figuring out Marin's school plan for next fall. She will be in Pre-K which pretty much makes my head spin just thinking about it. We have enjoyed where she is going to preschool but it's a co-op and we just don't have the ability to continue with that much involvement. It's a great school but we need a little less involvement. If I was a stay at home mom and didn't work full time, same as Ryan, we would probably stay there. But, now I am filling out new paperwork, getting immunization records, and checking out schools. It's crazy that we are already here. By the time she starts Pre-K, Sully will be 1.5 years old. I can't quite wrap my mind around it. 

Isn't Marin's little pony so cute!? She finally has started to let me attempt to do her hair. 

Week Thirty! 

Portrait Five

As part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month. This one is for the month of December. Yet again, just like the months before, we are already into the beginning of the next month. 

I am now five portraits in on this series and I feel a certain level of frustration whenever I embark upon taking the next photograph. I am usually the one behind the camera lens, not in front of it. I hate to admit how many photos I took to land on this one for photograph number five. This past year has not been kind to my view of myself and I always feel like a photograph never really lies to you. But, here we are. Number five. 

I'm ready for a new year and a refreshed view of who I am. I spent half of last year pregnant and the other half trying to find my footing as a mom to two littles. I feel like I have spent the last 365 days caring for most everyone other than myself. Sure, I did a Whole 30 in October which gave me some light but other than that, I am sleep deprived and haven't taken very good care of myself. That's what I see in this photograph: a tired mom that has poured into everyone else's cup before my own. I am realizing, ever so slowly, that you can't pour from an empty cup. 

Let me say that again...

You cannot pour from an empty cup. 

I always love new years and how the world goes into goal setting mode. I make my lists and really start allowing myself to dive into my dreams. There's one thing I know for certain as we head into 2018, I must take care of myself as well. I'm not totally sure what this looks like yet but I'm willing to ask the hard questions to get there. I'm willing to work on setting aside the time to take care of myself and find rest. I want to be my very best for the people that I do life with. I want to feel good in my own skin. 

Portait Five. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Thirteen

We've had a few runny noses in our home over the past week. Marin stayed home from preschool last Tuesday. Sully is pretty congested. I've been taking vitamin C like it's going out of style. So far, I haven't gotten sick and I'm just hoping and praying it stays that way. Life is way too crazy right now to be sick. I also can't take a lot of medication when I am nursing. I feel like we are finally getting healthy again aside from some pretty raw little noses. 

We did take Marin to the doctor last week and found out that she has an incurable skin condition. I thought she might have a yeast infection but turns out it was something else, something pretty crappy. I have faith that God is bigger than this condition. We are treating it with a creme currently and it seems to be helping. She's not as itchy as before. Sadly though, no more bubble baths. The condition could come and go for the rest of her life. The medical community doesn't have a ton of information on it other than the fact that it is common in girls/boys before puberty or after menopause. It might be due to low estrogen levels. I'm trying to just pray through it and hope for the best. It's pretty sucky. 

On a whim, I decided to try and weigh Sully last week as well. I believe he is just over 16lbs now. This kid just keeps growing. I don't feel like we are feeding him too much but I do tend to feed on demand when I am there. Luckily, he's really tall too so his weight isn't a big concern with the doctors. He's a healthy, growing little guy, that's for sure! 

He's growing so quickly and is so strong already. He's been sitting in a Bumbo chair lately as well. His chubby little thighs almost don't fit in it though. We've been doing lots of tummy time lately too and he gets stronger every day. He's sleeping decently well and wakes usually once a night. 

We've also gotten to the point now with Marin that I believe she is doing away with her naps. (Cue mommy crying in a corner somewhere! Nooooooo!) Those naps are the one thing that has kept me sane in motherhood and that's also a time that I get a lot of work done for my job. So, we've created a compromise. We have gatherered together a number of activities to keep her busy. She can have quiet time in her room instead of taking a nap. She can read books, build with blocks, play with dolls, put together puzzles. If she wants to sleep, she's welcome to. Being the strong-willed child that she is, she always declares that she will not sleep, but she's just going to play. The first day we tried, she spent half of the time pounding on her door and yelling, "Mom! I know you can hear me in the monitor! Mom! I know you can see me in the monitor!" But, overall I think she's starting to look forward to that time now and we get to still stay a little sane. 

Pretty blurry, but I had to get his smile.

Week Thirteen. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Eleven

Baby Sullivan is most definitely going through another growth spurt. I'm certain he is over 15 pounds already since his  2 month appointment at the beginning of September. He's also not been sleeping quite as well as he has been. I'm just trying to take every night as it comes. On Saturday, his was up every 2 hours all night, just like when he was a newborn. I worked on Sunday morning and had to get in the shower at 5am, be at church/work by 6am. Needless to say, I was pretty dang tired. 

I think he's growing so quickly and he has just been more hungry at night lately. I miss the nights where he goes to bed at 9am and wakes up once around 4am. Let's go back to that game plan. This mama is T-I-R-E-D. 

Our weeks are flying by and there are some good, new things on the horizon. I've had some answered prayers lately and I'm so thankful with the direction I am heading in the music realm again. No, I'm definitely not playing any shows or anything like that, but I do have the opportunity to do something I love and help support my family while doing it. Win, win. It feels like home already. Every little bit helps me not feel like I've lost myself once I became a parent. 

Sully initiated Great Grandma on Friday by pooping all over her lap while we were visiting for our weekly lunch with them. He had just eaten and was starting to do his business. Next thing I know, I look over at them and my Grandma has poop all up the side of her. It was an epic blow out. I'm just thankful I wasn't holding him at the time because I didn't have a change of clothes for myself. Diaper blow outs are always so fun. Luckily, I don't believe we ever had a diaper blow out in the car seat. I shouldn't jinx it....

I'm ready to get out the fall decorations this week. I want to carve pumpkins with Marin and maybe visit a pumpkin patch. I want to take a mountain drive to see the fall colors. I'm ready for cooler weather and hot coffee. September has been treating us well and I love the groove we are falling into. 

Week Eleven. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Four

Today we find ourselves at week four of having Baby Sullivan with us. We are getting into the groove of things and our days are slowly starting resemble some sort of routine with two kids. I am super thankful for all of the family members that have been taking Marin for outings during the day when I feel a little overwhelmed by having two kiddos. It's good for her to get out of the house and go on lots of adventures. It also gives me the time to really spend time with Sullivan with no interruptions.

I am finally off of antibiotics and my c-section incision is finally healing up nicely. I'm driving now. I am vacuuming my house once more. Hallelujah. I have yet to take a nice long soak in a bathtub but I think that will occur sometime in the next week or so. I really miss my baths. 

We had a number of firsts this past week as well. We gave Sully his first official bath. He wasn't totally thrilled but didn't cry at all. Marin was there to help, of course. I am always trying to find ways to have her help me out...grab me a diaper....can you hand me that burp rag....will you pick out his outfit for the day? I know this transition hasn't been the easiest on her so I try to involve her in every way that I can. 

We also had one night where Sullivan slept all night. I fed him around 9:30pm or so and then we put him down. The next thing I know, I hear him on the monitor and look at my clock to only see it say 5:30am! I was shocked. We haven't had a stretch of sleep like that pretty much ever with him. I was very uncomfortable though because I hadn't nursed for an extended period of time, but I was very thankful for some uninterrupted sleep. 

We are planning on going on a date night this week for my birthday and to see the Dark Tower movie. That will be really the first time I've been away from him for an extended period of time. I'm confident he will be in great hands but I need to work on pumping to build up a supply for these type of occasions. I'm also getting my nails done on Wednesday and will be away from him for a bit there. It's all part of the process and I need to have some time to take care of myself. As the quote says, "You can't pour from an empty cup." 

Week Four. 

Currently Clicking #20

Pardon the language, but this is perfect. 

Each and every week, I gather links of all of the places I have been perusing in the great, grand internet. There are plenty of people out there doing big things and small things. Some of these are practical, some are inspiring. This week I am delving into the world of Paleo, realizing how important good real estate photography is, wanting to not sleep as much as do, hoping that I am a good mother that feels good about who I am, daydreaming about another garage sale, and drooling over the new IKEA catalog. 

1. I am slowly trying to remove dairy/grains/legumes from my diet in an attempt to get my skin to calm down after pregnancy and to fit back into my old jeans again. I have been experimenting with Paleo meals and approaches. I want to try these breakfast muffins and these apple cinnamon muffins. I love these Paleo Lunchbox ideas. I want to make cauliflower rice. Also, if anyone needs another birthday idea....I could use one of these.
2. I am a real estate photographer on the side. I am always amazed at the photographs some people place on the internet of their home in order to sell it or not sell it. Here are some absolutely terrible real estate photos.  So many wrongs. 
3. Back in my college days, which are further away from me than I realize at times, I didn't sleep very much. Now I try to sleep as much as possible with a 5 month old baby in the room next to us. Did you know though that intelligent people have one thing in common? They sleep less than the rest of us. Interesting read. It makes me want to stay up later and get stuff done like I used to. 
4. Nowadays, the simple thought of getting into a bathing suit is pretty terrifying after having a baby. Everything has shifted. Everything. Sometimes we lose sight of what really matters. A Mom's Kids Exposed What She 'Really' Looks Like, And Her Reaction Is PERFECT.
5. I've been on a kick lately again of getting rid of a lot of our stuff. We just accumulate so much stuff. Here are some tips of getting the most out a garage sale, not annoying your neighbors in the process, and getting rid of your stuff. 
6. IKEA just released their 2015 catalog. Per usual, I could buy the whole store. But on the other side of things, anything you buy from IKEA usually needs to be assembled. Here are the (humorous, yet truthful) emotional stages of IKEA furniture assembly. 

Baby Marin: Week Eleven

This morning came awfully fast today. It's still only around 5am as I write these words. The rest of the world is still asleep and dawn is slowly creeping into our street. Here I sit. Tired but thankful. Tired but aware of how lucky we are that our baby sleeps through most of the night still. What we are running into now though is that she has begun to move a lot when she sleeps. Swaddling her is slowly not going to be an option. She scoots and slides her way all over her crib, upside down and sideways. Half of the time I don't hear her at night when she is doing her acrobatics but when I go in to feed her in the morning, she is in a completely different position all together. This newfound mobility freaks me out and I don't want to her to pin herself in a corner and hurt herself. Is this a thing? I know bumper pads in cribs are a no-go nowadays but what's a mom to do? I just don't want to sit up all night worrying about every little movement, especially because our baby has been such a good sleeper. This is this week's predicament. Thoughts? 

Marin is eleven weeks old today. She adores Bernie the Bunny. She hangs out at my parent's house two days a week while we are at work. I've gone to part time status at work and this is the first week that really is coming into fruition. 3 days in the office, the rest from home. I feel so very blessed to be able to have more time with our child and the fact that we, so far, have not gone down the road of paying for childcare. We are in a good place. I have no idea how we would pay for day care at this point. It would be like taking on a second mortgage. I understand now why some moms or dads chose to stay home instead of go back to work. Childcare is super pricey. 

I would have very much loved to have slept in a bit more today, but this little gal had a different idea in mind. She is now swinging away, completely asleep next to me and I plan on drinking a pretty large americano in the near future. I do enjoy how peaceful it is in the morning though. It makes beginning the day a lot easier. Here's to another Tuesday on the books and another week with Marin. 

P.S. My husband took the photos for this week. We sure love him. 

Baby Marin: Week Ten

We are slowly getting into the swing of things around these parts. Last week marked my first few days back at work. We are learning how to do all of this one day at a time whether it be trying to get me to work on time, getting Marin to Grammy and Grandpa's house for daycare, finding time to hang out and be a couple, and spending time as a family. Every minute seems so precious nowadays. I feel the need to be organized but also be willing to throw all of that out the window and spend an afternoon watching Netflix and cuddling with our baby.

Marin has slept through the night all week. I feel very lucky to say those words. She usually is down for the night around 9:30pm and doesn't wake up until 6am lately. I don't know how we got here, but I am embracing it and going with the flow. The fact that we have a child that SLEEPS right now is a gift from heaven and I don't take that lightly for a second. Can it stay this way all of the time? Please? Probably not a realistic goal but I'll bask in the sleep honeymoon while I have it. I imagine teething will bring its own fair share of fun. 

With my return to work, I have had to start pumping while I am there. I really am not enjoying that whole process and wish I could just be at home breastfeeding my child, but that isn't where we find ourselves. It is frustrating to be mid-meeting and have to excuse myself to go pump in my office for 20 minutes at a time. I already feel so far behind because I've been on maternity leave, I don't want to miss anything and feeling like a cow isn't exactly high up on my list of things I'd like to do with my time. It feels really good to be back at work and escaping to my little cave every few hours isn't really something I am liking at the moment, but I shall endure. Breastfeeding and pumping as much as possible is what is best for Marin and I will tell myself that for as long as I can. We have started supplementing about one feeding a day when I am working. At first, this drove me crazy and I didn't want to head in that direction because it has been drilled into my brain about how "breast is best."  I know plenty of people have plenty of opinions about that subject in general, but this is what is best for our little family right now and that is where we will remain. End rant. 

Marin constantly lights up our lives and I am thankful that we are learning and growing up as a little family with each passing day. I am not as exhausted as I once was. We are landing on something that almost resembles a routine. We are both back at work and I know that Marin is in good hands when we can't be with her. It's all happening and we are so blessed by all of the people that help make that possible. This is a grand season we find ourselves in. 

Week Ten. 

Baby Marin: Week Eight

Week Eight. On Friday, our child will be 2 months old. This has probably been the most challenging two months of our entire lives but I don't doubt for a second that we were meant to live in this season of being new parents. Parenthood is changing me. I feel a reshaping of so many things, deep inside my tired bones. I will never be the same. This little girl has already taught us so much and this is only the beginning. 

I am a little nervous for our 2 month appointment with her on friday due to the vaccinations, but I am looking forward to finding out how much she weighs now and all of the other ways she is growing up far too quickly. 

Everyday brings new things. More fussy afternoons. More diaper blowouts. More smiles and giggles. More time spent awake then asleep. Marin is growing bit by bit by bit. 

Marin at 2 Months (Week 8) 

1. Smiles at us a lot with her big, gummy grin.
2. Calms herself by bringing her hands to her mouth and sucking on hands. 
3. Turns her head towards sounds
4. Pays attention to faces and can pick Ryan and I out of a group of people fairly quickly. 
5. Gets fussy if she is bored. Or hungry. Or wet. 
6. Holds head up and is beginning to push upward during tummy time. 
7. Smoother movement of legs and arms
8. Sleeps through the night every couple of nights or wakes up only once to nurse. (Hallelujah!) 

Mama at 2 Months

1. I've slowly started exercising again. It feels good to do something other than sitting and nursing a baby all of the time. (I'm still doing that though.) There is a long road ahead of me, destination: losing the baby weight and then some. It's a big process.
2. I've slept through the night a few times and always wake up surprised when Marin is waking up around 6 or 7 am, not 3 or 4 am. 
3.  I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that maternity leave is ending soon. But, there is hope on the horizon: I am proposing that I go to part time at my place of work. I think it is a great step for my little family.  
4.  I finally am wearing normal pants again. Not the size I would like, but there's no maternity band and I am fine with that. 

Dad at 2 Months 

1. He still is the best diaper changer and baby-burper on the block. He gets up with me for one of the feedings at night if Marin is up at that point. 
2. This man can swaddle our baby better than I can any day. 
3.  He will spend his first day flying solo with the baby next week when I go back to work for a few days.  
4. I am amazed by his calmness and clarity towards our child (especially when mom is frazzled) and how he loves her. He's swell. He's a great dad and I am so glad I get to do all of this with him. 

Bath Time. A little blurry, but I don't care. 

Baby Marin: Week Seven

We are facing a growth spurt, I believe. She is and I am as well. She wants to eat CONSTANTLY and spends most afternoons nicely awake and fussy. I am growing in the fact that I have to feed her CONSTANTLY and keep my sanity when I don't get anything else accomplished. I just keep telling myself that caring for her is the most important thing in my life right now (and it is!). There are days where I feel a bit stir crazy while on maternity leave, but Marin is surely giving me a run for my money as of late. She keeps me on my toes pretty consistently. 

She is slowly growing into who she will be and I am slowly growing into who I am as a mother. Every day is different and every day I feel like it will probably get harder before it gets easier, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. These growth challenges are good, for both of us. She is growing up big and strong and I learn how to manage myself a lot better. It's a win-win! 

As much as I believe I would love to be a stay at home mom, I am also slowly getting more ready to return to work. Having a baby around is a fun challenge at times, but I am also excited to stretch my mind again at work and help run a growing dental business. I never thought I would say those words. I wouldn't have said those words a few weeks ago. I know my heart will ache to be close to my kid, for sure, but I am also ready to get a bit more of routine in our lives. (At least until the day comes where we could possibly live on one income. That day is VERY, VERY, VERY far away, unfortunately.) I am ready to get dressed and put make up on in the morning, to wear something other than pajama pants. It's almost time and I'm coming to terms with all of it. But, on the flip side, the other part of me doesn't want to miss out on every smile and every giggle from our little girl. I guess it's kind of the bend and sway of being parents and working full time. I'm strangely excited for the challenge ahead. I think they will be good for all of us. I'll keep repeating that to myself over and over again as I prepare for my return to the workforce. 

Today though, will be spent with our little girl. There is a stroll through the neighborhood in our future. I will feed her over and over and over again and still remain in awe that this child was brought into the world for us to care for. We will change her diapers over and over and over again. We will be aware of every little smile and every little cry.  This is where we currently find ourselves, in these moments, and I'm alright with that. 

Baby Marin: Week 5

We are sleeping much better around these parts. The past few nights, we've only gotten up once with Marin around 2:30 or 3:30am and then I'm up with her again in the early morning. This is a joyous change. I should quit talking about it so I don't jinx it.

Smiles are slowly creeping into our everyday around here. Marin responds to us a lot more lately and her little grin is starting to light up rooms everywhere she goes. I love being able to see little snippets of her personality showing through every day.

We are slowly battling a bit of cradle cap and baby acne. I feel like I am raising a little teenager because of her poor little skin. We've tried a few remedies and nothing is really working. Any suggestions out there?  I know it will pass but I feel bad for her little face right now! 

Tummy Time

Last week marked the first time I ventured out to the grocery store alone with Marin. She was so zonked out in her car seat that she probably didn't even realize that we weren't at home hanging out with the cat.

She spent some time with each set of grandparents so we could have a date night and so I could have a pampering day that involved a much need massage, manicure, and pedicure. She also visited her Great Grandparents. We've been doing  a lot of visiting lately. A lot of car trips. A lot of cuddles with every member of our families. That's how it's supposed to be. It takes a village, right?

This past week was a good one.

One final photo from this week. I posted this on Instagram (username: bailyhollen). Be still my heart. 

Baby Marin: Week Three

I feel like we have come so far already. Am I still pretty dang exhausted, of course! But, it all seems to be falling into place, one day at a time. Today we find ourselves with a three week old baby. Three weeks. Time has flown by. I am always shocked when I look at the clock at some point each day and realize that it is already 5pm. Throw a time change into the mix and all of our hours seem a tad mixed up. 

I can say for once in our little relationship as mom and daughter, that breastfeeding is going so much better. She's latching like a little rock star. Most nights Marin wakes up twice for a feeding. We've had a few fussy nights but overall, things are going far more smoothly than the entirely frustrating first week we were home with our little one. 

She is growing right before our eyes. 

Marin at 3 Weeks: 

1. She is far more alert this week than the weeks before. 
2. During tummy time, she is able to lift her head up and move around quite well. 
3. I can tell that she is able to focus on what she is seeing a lot more.  
4. A co-worker gave us a baby swing and I would like to tell her "thank you" a billions time over. Thank you, thank you! Life saver. (I'm writing this post as Marin swings and sleeps next to me in the office.) 

Mama at 3 Weeks: 

1. Even with the lack of sleep, I feel like I am slowly getting the hang of all of this. I have never functioned on this little sleep though in my life, even back in college when I hardly slept!
2. I scheduled a pamper day next week that I am looking so forward to: massage, mani, pedi! Hallelujah! I seriously can't wait! I am realizing how important it is to take care of myself during this season as well. It's best for everyone that way. 
3. I am constantly researching baby stuff: bottles, cloth diapering, how in the world I will ever be able to return to work, pumping, etc. 
4. I made the mistake of trying on some pre-pregnancy jeans....not a good plan this early in the game. I am ready to get back to working out. I need it. And maybe some new jeans for a little while. I can't wear pajama and yoga pants for the rest of my life, unfortunately. 

Dad at 3 Weeks: 

1. Ryan went back to work on Sunday after being on a family medical leave with us for 4 weeks. I loved having him here with us, but he had to go back to work at some point! 
2. He is a pro at diaper duty and burping this baby. He has the special burping skills that I just don't. 
3. He still gets up with me once at night since he's up usually any way. I will be really excited when she starts taking a bottle every once in a while and I can sleep a little longer at night. Soon, someday soon. 
4. His parents have offered to watch Marin sometime next week to allow us to have a date night. I am also looking so forward to that as well! 

I will leave you with this entry from my journal this past week:  

Until now, I never fully knew what it meant to love someone I hardly know yet, so intensely, my heart aches. I also haven't ever felt this amount of stress, frustration, and confusion, coupled with an elated joy and a purely dumbfounded love that I almost can't put it into words. I have spent most days so sleep deprived yet strangely alright with it. I have questioned every little thing; wondering if my child will come out into this world and succeed fully and beautifully. Or, will her parents mess her up somehow in this process called parenting? 

I feel so connected to this little human. She makes me want to be better, to strive harder, to dream bigger. She causes me to realize that I will never fully have the life I did before I became a mother, but I am completely alright with that realization. She is worth it in every single way.