Where do I even begin? I’m currently sitting in our hotel room for our last night in Longview. I have a glass of wine next to me in a plastic cup. I’m listening to the songs that we created over the past few days. Over and over again, one after another and then repeating again. I listen to every little detail, every little inflection in my voice, every note played. I want to remember all of this for the rest of my life. I can…it’s been captured in a soundscape of notes and voices. I can hear every emotion in my voice, laced throughout the lyrics that span from the past decade of my life. So many pleas of a life that I have seemingly lost and then found again in places I never thought that I would.
There is a longing in these songs. There is hope found in these songs. There’s an ache found in these songs. There are two lives represented, my past and my present. My feast and my famine, the things that my heart aches for. I have a hunger for both.
I am proud of what we have made. I couldn’t have done it without the amazing individuals around me, coaching me, creating with me, embracing a project that is so close to my heart that it almost hurts.
We awoke on day six to an overcast, rainy day. For those that know me, they know that this is the weather I can’t get enough of. It could rain everyday and I would be happy for the rest of my life. It’s like the weather knew I was here and granted me just a little bit of reprieve. Weather like that just makes me want to drink far too much coffee and make music. It’s the perfect combination. It’s where my heart lived for a number of years in this very town. I will always love the rain. It feels like it will always be a part of me, a part of my story.
Day six was the day where we had to bite the bullet and get to work. Day six was the day I was avoiding in my heart and mind because I knew it would bring with it the end of our time with Zach being at the studio. I didn’t want that time to come, I wanted to fight against it as much as I could. I tried to hold on to it for as long as I could.
Day six brought about the most challenging song that we had. I had to come to terms with myself as a musician and things that I don't necessarily believe I am capable of. It was stretching. I wasn’t even the one to save the day but that song turned out to be my very favorite so far as I’ve been listening to it. We had to fight for it, make it ours. This was a song that we thought would be a breeze but in the end gave us a struggle. Those are usually the very best kind.
I spent a good chunk of this day just laying on the floor of the control room attempting to soak it all in and stop time for even just a little while. I let each sound and note fall around me. These are the moments you want to remember in your life, the times of struggle and sheer artistic triumph. These are the good times. These are the times that will keep me keeping on.
Day seven was spent re-tracking vocals on what now is my favorite song, writing background vocals for it, and adding some keyboard flair to whatever I felt was necessary. That is really where I sit the most comfortable, keys are where I feel most at home.
Now I sit in our hotel room, staying up far too late and not wanting to face the morning when we pack up our van and make the journey back home. But, I miss our kids. I somewhat miss reality but I’d like to avoid it for just a bit longer.
Now, I will just listen to these songs we created. Over and over again. One after another and then repeating again. Sometimes good things must come to an end, but that doesn't mean we can't hold on to them with everything that we have.
Day 5 & 6.
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