I’ve been greatly pondering the idea of what it means to be a wife, a homemaker, and someday a mother. Daily, as I sit at my neatly ordered desk at my place of work, my mind is swept off with ideas of what’s for dinner, the lack of a maternity leave at said place of work, and the cost of the Kitchenaid mixer that I just can’t seem to get my hands on.
What’s happening to me?
These new thoughts and occurrences have lead me to question...
At what point does a girl become a wife? A mom? Suzie Homemaker?
It’s as if a switch that was once buried deep inside of me has been turned on by some unknown force. As of late, my mind has been filled with decorating my house or making zucchini bread. The simple joy of leaving my work everyday and driving back to our home to spend time with my husband is reason enough for me to simply love my life.
My desires seem to be changing overnight. I am known to be a driven individual. Always dreaming my way into the next course of my life, swiftly riding upon a wave a music, photography, and an entrepreneurial spirit. I am always seeking, always searching, always striving. Those things will always be a part of me, but not the biggest part, as I am coming to find.
There’s something else. A spirit of legacy and family. Of banana bread and vacuuming. Of coming home to cuddle with my husband on the couch and talk about all of the business ideas that have been running through my head.
Yet, many of those ideas seem outlandish compared to what has been placed on my heart.
And strangely enough, I becoming alright with all of it. Almost.
For so much my life, I have been consumed with doing, doing, doing. Working, working, working. I was in a place where if I wasn’t moving, I felt lifeless. I wanted to be a successful, creative individual that would do anything to get where I felt I was supposed to go. There was always a song to write, a practice to go to, a photo to take, a connection to make.
Now my thoughts are filled with a very different picture. I see myself as a stay at home mom/working part time, learning for the first time what it is to truly care for another human being in a way that I have never known before. I would bake that banana bread, have a garden out in our backyard, and go to those play-dates with those so-called soccer moms (although, I declare at this point to NEVER have the soccer mom haircut). The music and photography would still be there, in some form, but not in an all consuming one as I have seen in the past.
Someday.
Someday, we will grow a family and a home.
