Baby Sullivan | Week Ten

Last Wednesday, we took Sullivan to his 2 month old check up. I cannot fully grasp the fact that we have a ten week old already but here we are. I was so curious to find out how much he weighed and how he's growing. As it turns out....he has no problems with growth. This wasn't a surprise to me because every morning I go in to get him out of his crib, he has grown a bit more. He eats like a champ, still every 2.5-3 hours. Sometimes I can stretch is to 4 hours, but that's pretty rare. 

We have a huge baby. I'm not over exaggerating at all. He arrived large and he just keeps growing. Sully is in the 90th percentile in pretty much everything: weight, height, and head circumference. He is 2 months old and weighs 14 lb., 6.7oz! He has grown 3.5 inches since he was born. Just to paint a picture of his size, our daughter, who is going to be four in February, weighs 30 lb. right now. Little Sully, who isn't really that little, is half the size of his big sister! He's also pretty tall so the doctor wasn't worried at all about the weight gain. It's such a relief to have a baby that gains weight well and not have to have the discussions with the doctor about the need to gain more weight. He's going to be the size of a football player when he gets older. 

Marin started preschool last week and I am so proud of her. We didn't have any tears on either day. As long as mommy and daddy escape out of the classroom at a quick speed, she seems fine. She's ready to go play and learn. I really believe that this will be so good for her. She needs to be out of the house and around other children. I know she will find confidence and independence in this new journey. It's good for us as parents and for her as a growing child that learns so much more when she has the opportunity to explore the world around her. 

I officially returned to work on Sunday at church. This was my first full Sunday on the clock and I was praying that everything went smoothly. I was a little anxious about feeding Sully on time and pumping and still actually being able to do my job. I woke up at 4am (ouch!) and fed Sully. I put him back down, took a shower, got ready for the day ahead. Before I left for work around 6am, I pumped so that Ryan could feed him at 7/7:30am. During our first service, I went into the nursery and fed Sully at 10am. Marin and Sully both left after first service with Grandma-doo and Grandpa-doo. They fed Marin lunch at Culvers and fed a bottle from my pumping stash to Sully around 1-ish pm. I got the kids home, put Marin down for a nap, and pumped. Whew. We made it. No one died. Everyone was fed and well taken care of. I know I couldn't have pulled it off without my wonderful husband getting both kids to church and Ryan's parents taking the kiddos after first service. It all worked out fine and I know we can handle Sunday mornings!

It felt so good to be back at work. I'm so thankful for that, especially due to the anxiety I was feeling leading up to the end of my maternity leave. Everything has worked itself out. Our schedules are pretty busy heading into this fall season, but my heart has been overwhelmingly full lately. I cannot imagine our life without two kids now. I have an awesome job that I got to return to with ease. Life is good. 

The crazy family. 

Week Ten. 

Maternity Leave Goals

I am a creator of lists. I thrive off of them and love being able to feel accomplished. I need this intensely in my life right now. Maternity leave has challenged me already and we are only a few weeks in. I don't do well with not doing much. I like to do things, to accomplish things, to meet my goals head on. I don't like not being able to drive, or really clean, or lift my toddler. Thanks, C-Section. It's been swell so far. But, we are getting there. 

Ryan heads back to work tomorrow and I'm trying to not psych myself out too much. We will get into a routine. We will see the other side of this transition. I will be able to shower someday without a baby bouncer in the bathroom and a toddler out in the hallway with her books. I need to give it time. 

One thing I am sure of though is that I want to soak in this time that I do have. I will probably never have this opportunity again. No work for many weeks and time available to spend with my family. These are priceless times. They will be gone before I know it. SOAK IT ALL IN. 

I want to set a few goals for my leave though. I read somewhere that it's wise to make small goals with low expectations during a season like this. Things will not get accomplished. Sometimes just hanging out with my kids will be more than enough. They need to be fed. They need naps. They need adventures. 

Here are a few things that I have been thinking about lately...

• Revamp our budget. 
• Organize our closets. We need to get rid of a lot of clothes that we no longer wear and I would like to not see my maternity pants any longer. 
• Work on creating a good newborn/preschooler schedule. 
• Start a workout program, slowly...and follow through. (Once I have been given the ok from my doc.) 
• Rejoin Weight Watchers and find a meeting that works with our schedule and two children. 
• Treat yo self (Any Parks & Rec fans out there?) Get my hair done, get a pedicure. 
• Have a few playdates/coffee dates with other moms and families. Get out of the house!
• Make date night a priority. 
• Redesign this blog. It's time for a fresh, new look. 
• Work on a few, very simple house projects. 

I know some people out there will think that I'm crazy, but this is how I roll. I do love a good list. 

Small goals, low expectations. 

It's the Weekend | Number Nine

Prego belly and lots of prints. 

It's been raining again and I always love this weather. Just give me all of the coffee and we will all be okay. This week has been pretty normal in the grand scheme of things. I am no longer feeling sick from the flu from last week. Once I felt caught up in most areas of our lives, this week just carried on per usual. 

Next week, we are going on a mini-vacation up to Estes Park for a few days and I am looking so forward to just getting away and relaxing. This is the first time we are taking Marin with us to a hotel. We've been talking up the trip for weeks and she is very excited about the hotel pool. We might also take her to her first movie in a big theatre. I do wish we would have had her travel with us at a younger age, but it's better to start now than not at all. Vacation is so close and we are so ready. 

Here's where I've been clicking this week. My inner nerd is showing with one of these. There's some food posts per usual and some home stuff. I've also really been realizing how much screen time our kiddo gets and I'm not alright with it. It's too much. The girl loves Daniel Tiger with a passion and I love being able to keep my house somewhat picked up while she watches, but I also realize how bad it is to be in front of a screen too much. I'd like to change that. 

Heres are some decor worries to abandon. It's going to be ok. Your home is a process. 

Here are 6 household rules that you hated growing up but totally understand. Mom was right. 

I'm pregnant and I love food. I'd love to make this granola bark. This maple bacon grilled cheese (with Brie!!) looks amazing. Yum. 

I've been thinking a lot about maternity leave and returning to work. Here's how to win at work after maternity leave. 

Some fellow musicians have a kickstarter for their new album. These are good dudes that make great music and love Jesus. Win, win, win. 

In an effort to out myself as a total nerd, I am so excited that the X-files will be coming back to TV this fall. New episodes!! 

I need more ideas for less screen time in our house, especially ones that don't take a ton of prep. Here are 15 things to do instead of tv and 75 TV free activities for toddlers.  We played with homemade play dough at our Tot class the other day. The recipe is so easy and doesn't have anything weird in it. We will need to make this soon...

Have a great weekend! 

Mom Guilt | What Keeps Me Up At Night

Last week we had a few rougher nights due to sickness in our family. One night in particular, Marin woke up around 1:30am coughing and crying. I went in and gave her some medicine. Luckily, she went straight back to sleep after that instead of trying to fight staying up. I on the other tried to go back to bed but proceeded to toss and turn for hours upon hours. My brain didn't want to slow down, shut off, and just rest. Instead, it mulled a million miles per hour and anxiety began to bend and sway within me. I'm not even totally sure how long I was awake for but it was bad enough that I was considering just getting up and working on stuff, at 3am in the morning. That's when you know it's bad. 

Laying there, I was just so anxious. For so many things. The biggest was regarding my job. I have discovered that I have this fear of going on maternity leave and everything either completely falls apart or they realize that they can do it all without me. This anxiety begins to well up hugely inside of me at 3am in the morning and causes me to be so torn. I want to be able to have our son and focus on him for as many weeks as I can before we have to dive back into reality again. No deadlines, agendas, emails, or projects. Just us. Just family. 

There's this thing in our society that tends to torment me. I think it's completely destructive and detrimental to mothers and fathers everywhere. You have to still do EVERYTHING, as you did before. Don't rest. If you rest, you job and life will move swiftly on without you. You must be at the top of your game at all times. No gaps in your career or resume. You want a career right? Blah, blah, blah. 

These are things that keep me up at night, that and pregnancy insomnia. Mom guilt is a real thing. I want nothing more than to take 6 weeks of our lives to figure out how to be a family of four and bring our new son into the world. This may very well be the last time we ever get this opportunity. I don't want to feel guilty about using my rights and benefits to spend time with our growing family. No more guilt. I know I can prep and plan. I know I can put things in place to help make this transition safe and secure. I know that my job is super awesome, as are our maternity benefits and I need to not worry about these sort of things. 

With my leave with Marin, I took twelve weeks but was still so very consumed by my job. I never fully embraced all of the new experiences of motherhood and those first few weeks are a total blur to me. Those first few weeks were so hard. I can never get them back. I was too worried about calendars, payroll, and getting my job done even though I was supposed to be on leave. 

My plan is take 12 weeks with our son. The first six...I don't even want to think about work. The last six, I'll work part time from home. The transition to having two kids is a big one for me. I am anxious and have no idea how to navigate life. As long as I don't try to everything all of the time, I'm sure we will be fine. 

This is what keeps me up at night. 

A Mountain to Climb & Conquer

I had trouble falling back asleep on Thursday night. I guess it technically would have been Friday morning due to a 4am feeding with our little gal. My mind just wouldn’t shut off the moment my head hit my wonderful pillow. Usually I have no problem drifting off into dream land again for a few hours before the next feeding, but that wasn’t the case this time around. 

I couldn’t shut it off. I wanted to. I fought it. I didn’t win. 

Monday will mark the day I kind of return to work. We set up my maternity leave so that during the last two weeks, I would go in for two days each week to kind of get my feet wet again and then after that, I would return like normal. I’ve been working from home for a good chunk of my leave and have tried to stay on top of everything that I could while being so far away from my place of employment all while caring for a fussy newborn. I have worn many, many, many hats in the last 12 weeks. I’ve learned each and everyday about being a mom, caring for another. I’ve taken online photography courses. I’ve written consistently on my blog and hope to continue to do so. I’ve started another side business with my mother which will be revealed at some point. I’ve embarked into the world of Doterra and have tried to learn as much as I can. 

I have been busy. I will only get busier. 

As I was thinking of all of these things, panic began to set in. On Monday, I will also not be doing my normal job but working at someone else’s desk as coverage. I’m fine with doing so, it’s good for me to do that every once in a while so I don’t get rusty and so I can support the wonderful team that I get to work with. But, then I started thinking about how I needed to pump. How many times I needed to pump. Whether or not I would be able to get away to pump. What if I didn’t pump enough? What if my milk dries up? And so the cycle begins. Over and over and over again. 

I know it will all work itself out and I know that legally my place of employment has to let me pump and provide for my baby. For some reason though, early in the morning, it seemed like the biggest mountain to climb, a hurdle that I couldn’t conquer. 

I need to refocus my mind set. I have a great job, especially one that has allowed me to spend so much time with our child. I can breastfeed. I know that some women don’t have that. I struggled in the beginning, it hasn’t been perfect, but I am so thankful that we have come so far in that area. My child is healthy and is growing every day. We have a roof over our heads. We have food on our table. I have been able to work on the creative areas of my life whether it be writing a blog or taking a photo. I have allowed my mind to breathe and grow in all things entrepreneurial, which is where I really love to be. 

We are embarking into a season of our lives that is like no other we have experienced. Having a kid really does change everything. Even though I feel like some of my dreams have currently been set aside (that’s a whole other blog post and music, I miss you dearly), we have gained so many other dreams as well. 

I just need to remind myself that it will all work out in the end and that no dream is too big. 

Baby Marin's Nursery

Everything is as ready as it will ever be. We are still waiting ever so patiently for our little nugget to come into this world. 

I officially had my last day in the office (for a while) yesterday afternoon. Walking out the doors was a little surreal. I've never had this much extended time away from my place of employment. My 5 year anniversary at the dental office is actually this Sunday. Time has flown by. A lot has happened in the past 5 years and now we wait for the arrival of our first child. I started working there a bit after we were engaged, then we were married, and now we are waiting to become parents. 

The nursery came together better than I had envisioned. What once was an office and then a bedroom for a roommate and then a workout room, now has transformed into our little girl's room. 

Shelves from IKEA. Everyone brought books for my shower. 

My mom made this banner for my baby shower. 

This was my toy chest when I was a child. Made by my grandpa.