Baby Sullivan | Week Fifty

At some point in this process of documenting Sullivan's first year of life, I have fallen behind. I am posting week fifty when Sullivan will be a one year old in a week. All of those weeks of not posting until pretty much the beginning of a new week have gotten us to this point. I will catch up as he turns one and the fact that I've kept this up with two kiddos is nothing short of a miracle. 

Ryan and I went to Montrose, CO on Thursday to celebrate the life of my grandfather. He passed away on June 11th. I am very glad that we were able to make the trip there and be with family as we looked back upon his life. He was an amazing man and I'm sad that he is gone but I'm very glad that he is no longer hurting and is at peace. I was able to honor him by singing at his vigil on Thursday night and I'm very glad I did. It felt like the best thing I could offer. 

The week prior, we were away for our anniversary trip and then a week after that we were in Montrose. I feel like I haven't been home for weeks. I am very glad that I don't work Mondays because I was able to finally catch up on a bunch of laundry and scrub the bathtub. The house was feeling pretty gnarly and it feels good to have stuff picked up again for the beginning of a new week. 

We are planning Sullivan's birthday bash which will include barbecuing and hanging out with family. He already enjoys both of those things and I'm looking forward to celebrating him. I cannot believe he is nearly a one year old. Where has the time gone? I was just pregnant, uncomfortable, and awaiting his arrival into this world. So many things have happened in his first year of life and I love seeing how he has grown and how we have all grown in this year. 

I'm looking very forward to him being more mobile and no longer having to buy formula. Now if we could just get him out of diapers, then we would be golden. Granted, we have a bit more time before that happens, I'm sure. Buying diapers and formula...that will be something I won't miss someday. But then I will look back and wish our children could be little like that once more. I need to soak in all of this while I still can because he is our last little babe and he will be in high school before we know it. 

I don't have much else to say this week because we were gone for most of it. The Hollen's took the kiddos again for two nights and I'm sure they were living their best lives. Swimming in the pool, trolley rides downtown, trips to Culver's. I would be fine with all of that. We are very thankful that they were able to have the kiddos again. We know they were in the best hands. 

Here's Marin at week fifty. 

Portrait Nine

As part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month. This one is for the month of April. Yet again, just like the months before, April is a ways back in the grand scheme of things and honestly feels like a life time ago. Here we are, behind per usual, but here nonetheless. 

I feel more at ease in this photograph than I have in a very long time. This was from the weekend we spent in the mountains, away as a family. I still look tired, yes, but behind those tired mom eyes, I see a woman that has found the other side of a decision that was a big one to make. Leaving my job at the church was not an easy decision, not one that I ever took lightly. It hung on me for a very long time and being on the other side of it still feels foreign. I breathe in and out differently than before. The air seems different. My view of life and family seems different. 

My father in law mentioned to me a while back that I seemed so much more at ease than I was I before. At first I didn't think so but then when I began to look in I realized that he was indeed very correct. I am different. I feel whole and at peace. I don't feel nearly as stressed as I was before. The act of going to work, working hard, and then leaving it all at the office has breathed fresh air into my lungs, into my life. 

Yes, I still have moments where I wonder how the team is doing, how scheduling is going, and realize that I'm missing out on many things. But, you know what? It's okay. My daughter is always surprised when I tell her that I get to spend the next few days with her and our son. When she realizes that mommy doesn't need to stare at a computer screen or be attached to my phone, excitement fills her eyes and she plans out our day of doing puzzles, playing with play dough, and swinging on the swings. That is what matters. I am no longer overworked and ragged by the time I come home to my family. I am still tired after work and I'm still tired after a day with the kiddos, but it all feels different. 

At ease is great place to be. I like it here. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Forty Nine, Vacation, & Father's Day

This post is going to be a hodgepodge of many things because that is a true reflection of this past week of our lives, kind of all over the place. This past week was a good one in many ways and I write these words today with a thankful and full to the brim heart. I am so grateful for all of the people that I get to do life with. I tend to get so caught up in the day to day of changing diapers or working in Quickbooks that sometimes I forget to step back and realize that our life is seriously great. Our family is great.

Sullivan is now forty nine weeks old. We are starting to plan for his first birthday bash. He was born on July 3rd and will always pretty much share festivities with Independence Day, kind of like those kids that have birthdays at Christmas time. We were originally going to try and celebrate Sully on the fourth of July but decided to divide the two days instead, especially for his first birthday. This is a big day, one that I know he won't really remember but nonetheless I want it to be his special day. The fact that we will have a one year old son in a few short weeks is mind blowing. I hardly have any photos of him this week because we were on vacation or I was working...

Half way through this past week, Ryan started vacation. I worked Monday through Wednesday instead of my normal Tuesday through Thursday schedule. He started vacation by cutting off all of his hair. He's been growing is out for three years now. He is so handsome, man bun or no man bun. 

On Thursday, we took the kids over to the Hollen's house for two nights of slumber parties and we headed up into the mountains for some time away. We booked two nights in Blackhawk, CO. Thursday evening, we went to a concert at the best venue on the planet, i.e. Red Rocks. My favorite songwriter and musician of all time was playing and as always he didn't disappoint. Seeing Ryan Adams at Red Rocks was a bucket list concert for me and now I finally can say I have experienced it. Red Rocks is amazing but also makes me realize how out of shape I am. It's a lot of walking. Seriously pathetic but the show was amazing and the weather was amazing. Living in Colorado is pretty awesome. 

We spent the next two days in Blackhawk. We were able to actually sleep in. I don't remember the last time I really was able to do that. We had a slow breakfast in our room on the first morning. After that we had a couples massage and it was so amazing. Our friends met us up there later that day and we spent the rest of our time a the slot machines and blackjack tables. I still cannot believe it but I won pretty big on the slot machines! Like $800 on a slot machine!!! We pretty much were able to cover our trip and the money we brought with us. I enjoyed our time up there so much and it was nice to spend it with each other and with our friends. Winning some money definitely didn't hurt either. 

We came back home and picked up our kiddos. I missed them a lot while we were gone. Yes, vacation is super awesome, but not being around your kiddos kind of sucks. I kept watching the videos that the Hollen's were sending to us. They lived it up at the grandparent's house with plenty of pool time, park time, and pumpkin scones. They both took great naps after we picked them up because I'm sure they had the best time. They were wiped out. 

Today is Sunday and normally we would be at church but we decided to have a slow morning as a family since Ryan is still on vacation and I am not leading worship at church today. We woke up, gave Ryan his gift, and made pancakes with bacon and blueberries on the side. It was delicious. 

I have to give a shout out to Ryan on the Father's Day...Happy Father's Day! You are our rock and an amazing father to our children. I cannot imagine being on this journey through parenthood without you. Watching you as a father to our children has been one of the best gifts of my life. We love you very much! 

And last but certainly not least...Happy Father's Day to my dad! You taught me how to work hard in life and be there for my family no matter what. You have always been there for me, full of guidance and support through some of my darkest times and my brightest times. You have believed in me as a musician and songwriter and I know you will always be one of my biggest fans. Happy Father's Day, Dad! Thank you for being such an awesome dad and grandfather. I love you. 

Here's Marin at Week Forty Nine! 

Happy Anniversay | Nine Years

Nine years ago on this very day, I married Ryan Hollen. We have been together for a decade now and it makes my head spin a bit when I think about how fast the past few years have gone. Swiftly. I blink and a decade has come and gone. A decade!

 He was the person I wasn’t looking for when we met. Meeting another guy, a potential love interest, was very low on my list of priorities at the time. I was broken and broken hearted but there he was being introduced to me in a local coffee shop, the very coffee shop we would have our wedding reception a little more than a year later. I had only been back in Colorado a grand total of about four days. I had a camera in my hand and a bruised and broken spirit from the season I had just moved away from. We were surrounded by friends, music, and coffee. My happy place. A mutual friend introduced us and my life has never been the same. Somehow, in the depths of my soul, I knew that one day I would marry this bearded man, and I did. I’m so glad I did. 

Happy Anniversay, Babe! I look forward to many more years of winding down on the couch and having dinner after long days at work, once the kiddos have had tubby time and are tucked away in bed for the evening. I look forward to many more years of building a home with you, one project at a time. I look forward to many more years of going to see movies and getting to actually go have date nights. I look forward to many more years of little getaway trips, going to concerts, and just going out for breakfast every once in a while. I look forward to the day to day, the laundry folding and the emptying of the dishwasher. I look forward to playing more music, in whatever capacity that we can in the different seasons of our lives. 

I’m so glad I was at that coffee shop that day, all those years ago. I’m so glad I said “I do” in front of our friends and family nine years ago. Ryan, you are my person forever and always. I love you! Thank you for taking care of me and our kids so well.