This is 32 | A New List

My final portrait from my series, taken on the eve of my 32nd birthday.

11, 699 days in so far in this thing called life, as of today that is. I had every intention of actually getting these words out into the open over a week ago when I rang in a new year of life but...life happened per usual. Work happened, raising kids happened, trying to catch up on sleep kind of happened but who are we kidding, really? 

I have a feeling that year thirty two is going to be a good one for me, one like I've never quite experienced before. Why? I'm not sure how to put my finger on it but this past season has been one of swift and immense change in just about every area of my life. I feel like this new year is going to be much the same and I'm kind of just along for the ride so far.

 Looking back upon my life over the last decade, I never really thought I would be where I am now. I'm back working at the office that I left 4 years ago and it still is strange to me to sit and work in that office once more. Every morning that I go into work, it still feels strange to put on my name tag and walk through those halls.  We have two children, which is still seemingly mind boggling to me in many ways. Becoming a mom has changed me more than anything else in my life. 

As of last week, we have officially transitioned back to the church we called home when we were newleyweds and into the years of our lives pre-babies. I have been trying to be intentional and cry out for my family in this season more than I ever have before. No longer working at church opened up my ears and my heart more to where God was leading us in this new season. He has lead us to return to where we once were. As with all decisions of this caliber, it has not been easy especially because many of th people I was in ministry with, I have been in ministry with for over half of my life. That’s a long time. But, sitting in our new (old) church home on Sunday, I was flooded with so much peace and I know we are where we need to be. Sometimes transition is hard and I have felt that in so many areas of our lives. But lately, I have felt peace the surpasses all of my understanding in this life and I know I just need to keep listening. 

Every year for the past few years, I have created a list of things that I want to accomplish before my next birthday rolls around, as it always does. Now that I am on my way into my mid-thirties, at least in a few years, I feel like it is expected of me to get my crap together more. My twenties feel very, very, very far away now and life looks completely different than I thought it would. Good different, but different nonetheless. 

Here is my list from last year. I have gone in and crossed out the ones that I actually accomplished. There are some things on this list that I have placed on the list every year and every year I don’t accomplish them, but here we are. I know many of you could really care less if I cross off items on my list, but I love things like this and I will probably continue to make these lists for a long time. 

Below is my list for this new year of life....I am now 32, which still seems odd to me in the grand scheme of things. But, I’m ready to dive in to this new year, full of hope even though so many things still feel like they are unknown. 

33 books
Read through the Bible
Go camping
Become debt free
Get another tattoo
Sell our house (This is probably the biggest undertaking on this list...) 
10 year anniversary trip
Family Trip
Holiday Bucket List 
Try Buki Yoga & Lekfit
Secret Thing #1 (Wouldn’t you like to know?) 
Fly in a plane
Farmers Market
Use the library more
No Spend Month
Drive in Movie
Find another side hustle
Fall Bucket List
Play a show or play FOCOMX 
Have pie in Estes
Intuitive Eating
Go to a concert
See the ocean
52 Blog Posts for the year
Stay at the Elizabeth Hotel
Get a massage
Finish a song
30 Day Challenge
Revamp the weekly cleaning schedule
Go meat free for a while
New pick up and tune up for my Martin acoustic
Family Dinner 2x per week and focus on meal planning
Make bread from scratch

This is 32. 

Sullivan Turns One

It's been nearly a month since our little dude turned the big O-N-E. June and July have whizzed by so quickly that I feel like I've just been trying to catch my breath all summer. Lots of trips and changes have been occurring in our lives. I am thankful for all of it but phew...school will be starting before we know it. Marin will be going off to Pre-K at a different preschool. We will be working hard to get our house on the market in the spring. The holidays will be here before we know it. Good things. All good things. 

For Sullivan's birthday, we ended up postponing the party by one week because we all had been sick. I feel like we are all finally healthy. Somehow, Ryan didn't get hit with it and he's lucky. Usually we just keep passing around whatever sickness has made it into our home.

We gathered the family at the Hollen's home for our traditional Raising Cane's Chicken, baked beans, french fries, salad, fruit, and cake extravaganza. We usually do the same for Marin's birthday parties because it's affordable and delicious. I wanted to have everyone over to our house but our back porch is in need of some love and the Hollen's have a backyard oasis. 

The weather was perfect, nice and hot. Sullivan ate his chicken and french fries like a little champ, which is normal for him. After we all ate, we opened gifts for Sully and Grandpa-doo, who's birthday was on the 19th of July. Sullivan is now decked out in some cool new clothes and pjs. He also got a lot of rad toys, a puzzle, a little swimming pool, tons of books, a swing for our swing set out back, and a wagon with a canopy. I can't wait to get the pool out and use the wagon for a parade we are going to on Saturday. 

Having the birthday cake was probably his favorite part. He ended up eating it with a fork like a proper little man. He crashed into bed very quickly that night once the sugar rush ended. 

Thank you to everyone that came to celebrate Sullivan and his first year with us. We are so thankful for this little guy and I cannot imagine life without him. Happy Birthday, Sully! We love you! 

Baby Sullivan | Week Fifty Two, 1 year old!!!

Folks, we have made it. Sullivan James Hollen is officially one year old. Technically he's now 369 days old but we aren't focusing on technicalities. I was hoping to ring in this one year post with pictures from his birthday bash but unfortunately that won't be happening quite yet....

Marin picked out these birthday toys for Sullivan. 

Most of last week over his birthday the kiddos and myself were are very much under the weather. The sickness presented itself last friday and has stuck around in one form or another until today. We are still coughing a bit and our noses are still red and running. Being sick over your birthday pretty much is the worst. Being sick and having to take care of two sick kids is also pretty much the worst. But, we are slowly on the mend and have rescheduled his big birthday bash to next week. I know he probably won't remember the fact that we celebrated his big day ten days after the fact. Oh well...

He is one. He is one! Our little man, our last baby, our wonderful son is one years old now and every time I look at him lately he seems to be turning into a little boy right before my eyes. Everyday he gets longer and his pants get a little more snug. Everyday he starts babbling different sounds and little almost words. Everyday he gets a little bit more excited about food and shakes his little fists in the air in pure excitement because just loves to eat that much. Everyday he inches closer and closer to getting mobile and I'm just praying that it's sooner rather than later. He is stronger everyday. 

It's hard to believe that a year ago today we were just bringing him home from the hospital. The new baby smell and sleepless nights have slowly worn away and now I welcome any little cuddles that I may get from him because he wants to be doing something at all times and is fascinated so much by the world around him. 

Sullivan made me a boy mom and I'm sure we have many years ahead of us of peeing all over the toilet and around it, fart noises, and rough housing. Maybe he will want to play sports and pick up the guitar. Maybe he will love to read or just prefer to be outside in the mud. Maybe he will love music as much as we do, maybe not. Whatever he goes after in this life there's one thing I know for sure, I will forever be his mama and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

He's growing up so quickly and that does make me sad but at the same time I am loving seeing him grow up into the little boy that he will be. I'm thankful that we are getting past the little baby stage and into the little boy stage. This is when it starts getting really fun. We are finding our groove as a family and it's only going to get better. 

Happy Birthday, a few days late, Sullivan James Hollen. You were made to be a part of our little family and we cannot imagine living life without you! 

Here's Marin at Fifty Two Weeks! 

And for good measure...he's Sully's birth story. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Fifty One

We have one more week of posts before Sullivan is a one year old! Technically, in two days, he will be one and I still can't believe it. I say that every time, in every post. But, it's true! Where did this year go? Please tell me. My baby is becoming a little boy ever so quickly. He will be a little toddler before we know it. 

Since we got back from Montrose, life has been pretty much nonstop. I played keyboards at church the day after we got back and ran without practice. Monday was spent trying to get our house in some sort of order: scrubbing the tub and toilet, doing loads and loads of laundry, and mopping the floors. I worked my normal three days this week and try to cram in as much as I can in those three days. I led worship for prayer, solo on an acoustic, on Wednesday. It's been a while since I've done that and it wiped me out. Thursday night I had worship practice for Sunday. Friday night was pretty much the only evening Ryan and I were able to have some time to just be with each other. 

I don't like those days when I go to the office, leaving at 7am after kissing my sweet family good bye while they eat their waffles and bananas at the breakfast table. I then work my hardest all day at the office, consumed with quickbooks and billing. Then there are the evenings where I get to run home real quick, grab a bite to eat, kiss those babies again, and then run off of to church for one thing or another. The nights that I don't get to help with baths and tuck in the little ones are not my favorite. Somedays I only see our children for a half hour. I am not okay with that and would like to not have many of those days. 

Sullivan is still not crawling. He will be one on Tuesday. In my mom brain I'm trying to not freak out entirely about that and know that he will in due time. But, it's so hard to wonder about the whens and what ifs. That is not a good rabbit trail for my brain to go down. That's really the only milestone that he isn't fully hitting yet and I'm ready for it. I was ready for it months ago. 

This weekend was a rough one. Marin started to feel under the weather on Friday. Running nose, cough, feeling icky. Then around 1:00am Saturday morning, Sullivan woke crying and was burning up. We haven't had to deal with a lot of fevers with our babies and this one was not fun. Just today, I feel like it finally broke and he is slowly becoming himself more. Of course, all of this happens when our pediatrician is not open. Luckily, we have a support system around us to come help me out when I am exhausted and can't get Sully to cool down. We have taken a lot of sponge baths and he has hung out in his diaper only for the past two days. It's always horrible to watch your child hurt and you can only do so many things. His body was obviously fighting off something and the fever is part of that. I even ended up staying home from church this morning and I was supposed to help lead worship. My kids come first over all of that and I'm glad we have all gotten to rest today. I feel a sore throat creeping in in my throat and I need it to go away like yesterday. 

This coming week should be a good one as long as everyone is healthy. I'm only working Monday and Tuesday. After that, I have six full days off because we are closing the office for the July 4th holiday. Hallelujah. I am looking very forward to some time off. No work. No band practices. Wednesday is the 4th and is always my favorite holiday aside from Christmas. Last year I spent it in the hospital because I had just had Sullivan. I'm looking forward to hanging out with family and watching fireworks. A few days after that, we will be celebrating Sullivan's birthday and I'm excited to be with family once more. It should be a full and refreshing week as long as we all get healthy. 

Here's Marin at Week Fifty One! 

Baby Sullivan | Week Forty Nine, Vacation, & Father's Day

This post is going to be a hodgepodge of many things because that is a true reflection of this past week of our lives, kind of all over the place. This past week was a good one in many ways and I write these words today with a thankful and full to the brim heart. I am so grateful for all of the people that I get to do life with. I tend to get so caught up in the day to day of changing diapers or working in Quickbooks that sometimes I forget to step back and realize that our life is seriously great. Our family is great.

Sullivan is now forty nine weeks old. We are starting to plan for his first birthday bash. He was born on July 3rd and will always pretty much share festivities with Independence Day, kind of like those kids that have birthdays at Christmas time. We were originally going to try and celebrate Sully on the fourth of July but decided to divide the two days instead, especially for his first birthday. This is a big day, one that I know he won't really remember but nonetheless I want it to be his special day. The fact that we will have a one year old son in a few short weeks is mind blowing. I hardly have any photos of him this week because we were on vacation or I was working...

Half way through this past week, Ryan started vacation. I worked Monday through Wednesday instead of my normal Tuesday through Thursday schedule. He started vacation by cutting off all of his hair. He's been growing is out for three years now. He is so handsome, man bun or no man bun. 

On Thursday, we took the kids over to the Hollen's house for two nights of slumber parties and we headed up into the mountains for some time away. We booked two nights in Blackhawk, CO. Thursday evening, we went to a concert at the best venue on the planet, i.e. Red Rocks. My favorite songwriter and musician of all time was playing and as always he didn't disappoint. Seeing Ryan Adams at Red Rocks was a bucket list concert for me and now I finally can say I have experienced it. Red Rocks is amazing but also makes me realize how out of shape I am. It's a lot of walking. Seriously pathetic but the show was amazing and the weather was amazing. Living in Colorado is pretty awesome. 

We spent the next two days in Blackhawk. We were able to actually sleep in. I don't remember the last time I really was able to do that. We had a slow breakfast in our room on the first morning. After that we had a couples massage and it was so amazing. Our friends met us up there later that day and we spent the rest of our time a the slot machines and blackjack tables. I still cannot believe it but I won pretty big on the slot machines! Like $800 on a slot machine!!! We pretty much were able to cover our trip and the money we brought with us. I enjoyed our time up there so much and it was nice to spend it with each other and with our friends. Winning some money definitely didn't hurt either. 

We came back home and picked up our kiddos. I missed them a lot while we were gone. Yes, vacation is super awesome, but not being around your kiddos kind of sucks. I kept watching the videos that the Hollen's were sending to us. They lived it up at the grandparent's house with plenty of pool time, park time, and pumpkin scones. They both took great naps after we picked them up because I'm sure they had the best time. They were wiped out. 

Today is Sunday and normally we would be at church but we decided to have a slow morning as a family since Ryan is still on vacation and I am not leading worship at church today. We woke up, gave Ryan his gift, and made pancakes with bacon and blueberries on the side. It was delicious. 

I have to give a shout out to Ryan on the Father's Day...Happy Father's Day! You are our rock and an amazing father to our children. I cannot imagine being on this journey through parenthood without you. Watching you as a father to our children has been one of the best gifts of my life. We love you very much! 

And last but certainly not least...Happy Father's Day to my dad! You taught me how to work hard in life and be there for my family no matter what. You have always been there for me, full of guidance and support through some of my darkest times and my brightest times. You have believed in me as a musician and songwriter and I know you will always be one of my biggest fans. Happy Father's Day, Dad! Thank you for being such an awesome dad and grandfather. I love you. 

Here's Marin at Week Forty Nine!