I took this photo last week and I am just now finding the time to post it. As part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month. This is September, in all of it's early morning, un-showered, unruly haired glory.
Lately, Sullivan will wake up anytime between 3:30am and 5:30am. I stumble out of bed and feed him in the soft glow of his nightlight. After that I put him back in his crib and decide whether or not I will just get up or go back to bed. If it's anywhere near 5am, I just get up. If it's before that, I will usually head back to bed to sleep for just a little while longer.
I love mornings. Becoming a parent has slowly helped me become more of a morning person. I was much more of a night owl in the my college days but those days are long gone. I normally do not see midnight nowadays unless I'm waking up to feed a baby, change a diaper, or wipe a runny nose. The morning is the only time that I find an overwhelming peace and I find myself longing for that time, no matter how long or short it may be that day.
If I decide to stay up after I've fed Sullivan, I walk downstairs and make some coffee. I sit in my chair by the piano. My books, Bible, and journals are found on the table next to me. I usually try to read my Bible along with whatever reading plan I'm doing. Then I will read a portion of a personal development book of some sort. If time allows and everyone is still sleeping, I will journal in my moleskin. My goal is usually three pages, taken from the Artist's Way Morning Pages. I write about my days, my hopes, my frustrations, my prayers. I've journaled for a very long time through many seasons of my life and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. Putting pen to paper is such a great way for me to begin my day, no matter how many times I was up in the night with the kids.
This portrait captures the person I am in the quiet hours of the morning before anyone else is awake. I usually watch the sun rise out of the living room window. If it's raining, I throw open the windows and drink my cup of coffee that hasn't been reheated a million times within the course of my parenting day. My hair is always a mess. I usually can be found cuddled up in a blanket in my robe that I bought for when I was in the hospital having Sullivan. I spend part of my morning whisper yelling at the cat to quit raising hell in the house and try to not feed him too early because he always seems to puke it back up again when Ryan is sleeping. Kitty puke is the worst.
This is me in September of this year. I'm slowly trying to rediscover who I am in the early morning hours. A mom, a wife, a creative individual that needs this time to soak, pray, and better myself. I am always willing to wake up at 5am to get this time. I need it.
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