Happy Birthday, Little One

At this time last year, we were all hunkered down in our living room. I was trying to keep down scrambled eggs and we watched episode after episode of Dirty Jobs. My water had broken, conveniently when I went to the bathroom and not in our bedsheets around three in the morning. We had anticipated this day for nearly 10 months. I was overdue by 10 days. I knew that if I didn't go into labor today, then the doctors would intervene, against our wishes. I knew that our baby would come into this world in due time but it was almost as if she camping out until the very last second, just a little longer, just one more day. I probably gained another ten pounds just in the ten days we waited past our due date for her to arrive.

I knew going into labor that we wanted to take the natural approach if at all possible. We had an amazing doula by our side. You can read more about our birth story HERE. For as long as I shall live I will never forget the pain and exertion it took to bring Marin into this world. It was so real, so intense, yet almost an out of body experience. I will never forget the waves of contractions and pushing for what felt like an eternity. I will never forget hearing that Marin was turned differently than they had hoped and that was why I had been pushing for so long without really getting anywhere. There was talk of a C-Section.  Luckily, the support I had around me didn't let us get to that point and we were able to deliver Marin into this world still as naturally as possible.

She arrived into this world in a flash of pain and was rushed away from me. I remember hearing her cry. I remember thinking that it wasn't all real, that we were still laboring and in the process. They brought her next to my chest for only a brief second and then she was rushed away to NICU. Our little baby girl. The day our lives changed completely. The day everything was turned completely upside down and sideways. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today Marin turns one. I can hardly believe that I am writing those words. I feel like I blinked and here we are. It's as if all of those sleepless nights and early mornings are so far away now. She now sleeps through the night. She now eats solid food, all the while throwing at least half of the contents from her plate onto to the floor around her. She is close to walking but seems to want to hold onto crawling just a little bit longer.

OUR LITTLE GIRL IS ONE TODAY. 

I am very far from the person I was one year ago. I have battle scars upon my body from the months of her stretching and growing. The weight is still coming off ever so slowly and I have to fight for that so much harder than before. Sleep is a luxury that I don't really miss that much. Nap times are when I am most productive and conquer the world. I have learned how to fearlessly and utterly be attached to another human that isn't my husband. I look into the mirror and the person staring back at me is no longer just a musician or an artist. I am a mother.

I AM A MOTHER.

In all of my years, I never thought that realization would be solidified within me. Now I don't desire to know a life without that piece of me. I am more complete now than I have ever been.

Happy Birthday, Little One. I am forever thankful that you turned out lives upside down.

12 Novels, 12 Months

One of my goals this year, found on my 27 before 27 list, is to read 12 novels. I figure if I get through one a month, I should be able to make my goal. I might branch out to a memoir or two, but it's rare for me to sit down with a book that isn't about a diet or decorating part of my house. I love being able to get lost in a story that isn't my own and be totally alright with that. 

I read this book while traveling in September. In the past, I haven't read a ton of westerns. But, being stuck in an airplane for a good chunk of time, allowed me to become completely sucked in to this story. Spending the time playing some shows out in the desert didn't hurt either. 

"A darkly humorous Western satire about contract killers in the time of the gold rush may not be the first book you'd peg me to read, but I've been enjoying it ever since picking it up at the airport bookstore and feverishly ripping through its first half on one plane ride. Cinematic and easy to read, this Coen brother's True Grit-meets-Cormack McCarthy narrative is not just for the guys, trust me."

—Annie Georgia Greenberg, New York editor

I just finished this book the other evening. I actually bought this book a year ago before a trip to Mexico and it sat on my bookshelf for a year. It was a recommendation from some of the ladies at the bookstore/coffeehouse I used to work at. I should have read it sooner. I don't know why it took me so long to pick it up again. It's dark, but in a way that it pulls you in and you don't want to put it down. 

This well-written first novel attempts to be several things: a psychological suspense thriller, a satire of collegiate mores and popular culture, and a philosophical bildungsroman. Supposedly brilliant students at a posh Vermont school (Bennington in thin disguise) are involved in two murders, one supposedly accidental and one deliberate. The book's many allusions, both literary and classical (the students are all classics majors studying with a professor described as both a genius and a deity) fail to provide the deeper resonance of such works as Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose . Ultimately, it works best as a psychological thriller. Expect prepublication hype to generate interest in this book and buy accordingly. Previewed in Prepub Alert, LJ 5/1/92.

- Charles Michaud, Turner Free Lib., Randolph, Mass.Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Now I must choose one for November....Any other suggestions? 

1. Wild: By Cheryl Strayed

2. Gone Girl: By Gillian Flynn

3. The Newlyweds: By Nell Freudenberger

4. Late Nights On Air: By Elizabeth Hay

5. The Dead of Winter: By Lee Collins 

(who actually is a friend of ours and just released his first novel!) 

6. Beautiful Ruins: By Jess Walter