Baby Sullivan | Week Four

Today we find ourselves at week four of having Baby Sullivan with us. We are getting into the groove of things and our days are slowly starting resemble some sort of routine with two kids. I am super thankful for all of the family members that have been taking Marin for outings during the day when I feel a little overwhelmed by having two kiddos. It's good for her to get out of the house and go on lots of adventures. It also gives me the time to really spend time with Sullivan with no interruptions.

I am finally off of antibiotics and my c-section incision is finally healing up nicely. I'm driving now. I am vacuuming my house once more. Hallelujah. I have yet to take a nice long soak in a bathtub but I think that will occur sometime in the next week or so. I really miss my baths. 

We had a number of firsts this past week as well. We gave Sully his first official bath. He wasn't totally thrilled but didn't cry at all. Marin was there to help, of course. I am always trying to find ways to have her help me out...grab me a diaper....can you hand me that burp rag....will you pick out his outfit for the day? I know this transition hasn't been the easiest on her so I try to involve her in every way that I can. 

We also had one night where Sullivan slept all night. I fed him around 9:30pm or so and then we put him down. The next thing I know, I hear him on the monitor and look at my clock to only see it say 5:30am! I was shocked. We haven't had a stretch of sleep like that pretty much ever with him. I was very uncomfortable though because I hadn't nursed for an extended period of time, but I was very thankful for some uninterrupted sleep. 

We are planning on going on a date night this week for my birthday and to see the Dark Tower movie. That will be really the first time I've been away from him for an extended period of time. I'm confident he will be in great hands but I need to work on pumping to build up a supply for these type of occasions. I'm also getting my nails done on Wednesday and will be away from him for a bit there. It's all part of the process and I need to have some time to take care of myself. As the quote says, "You can't pour from an empty cup." 

Week Four. 

Baby Marin: Week Twenty Four

I have two words for you: SLEEP REGRESSION.

I knew that all of those posts of me rambling on about how my child sleeps through the night would probably come back to kick me later. We have found ourselves in the midst of a growth spurt and a squirrely baby that wakes up A LOT. I have been reading up on things like this, because that is what I do, and nearing the 6 month mark of a baby's life they go through another growth spurt. During that growth spurt, many babies decide to switch up their sleep schedules and confuse the crap out of their parents. 

This is where we currently live. One of us goes in a few times a night to turn her around because she rolls all over the place and we put her back in place so she can fall asleep once more. There are a lot of flips and summersault-like actions occurring. Sometimes when I go to check on her because she is making more noises than usual, she is completely turned around and peeking through the railings in her crib like, "Mom, I've been waiting for you to come turn me around. How's it going?" Sleep deprived and bushy-tailed, I put her back in place only to go back in a few hours later and do the exact same thing. 

Case and point, it's 4:30 in morning as I write these very words because I just got so sick of going in, flipping her back into place, and then trying to fall back asleep. Hello, Early Morning, I don't want to hang out with you right now. My cup of coffee next to me and Geoff the Cat are my only companions. Even Geoff is sleeping soundly in the chair next to me. Lucky Geoff. 

I know this is probably only a phase and I pray that it is short lived. I need the "sleep for 11 hours a night" baby back. Mommy was able to function so much more like a normal human being back then. 

Let's go back to that. 

Week Twenty Four. 

Baby Marin: Week Three

I feel like we have come so far already. Am I still pretty dang exhausted, of course! But, it all seems to be falling into place, one day at a time. Today we find ourselves with a three week old baby. Three weeks. Time has flown by. I am always shocked when I look at the clock at some point each day and realize that it is already 5pm. Throw a time change into the mix and all of our hours seem a tad mixed up. 

I can say for once in our little relationship as mom and daughter, that breastfeeding is going so much better. She's latching like a little rock star. Most nights Marin wakes up twice for a feeding. We've had a few fussy nights but overall, things are going far more smoothly than the entirely frustrating first week we were home with our little one. 

She is growing right before our eyes. 

Marin at 3 Weeks: 

1. She is far more alert this week than the weeks before. 
2. During tummy time, she is able to lift her head up and move around quite well. 
3. I can tell that she is able to focus on what she is seeing a lot more.  
4. A co-worker gave us a baby swing and I would like to tell her "thank you" a billions time over. Thank you, thank you! Life saver. (I'm writing this post as Marin swings and sleeps next to me in the office.) 

Mama at 3 Weeks: 

1. Even with the lack of sleep, I feel like I am slowly getting the hang of all of this. I have never functioned on this little sleep though in my life, even back in college when I hardly slept!
2. I scheduled a pamper day next week that I am looking so forward to: massage, mani, pedi! Hallelujah! I seriously can't wait! I am realizing how important it is to take care of myself during this season as well. It's best for everyone that way. 
3. I am constantly researching baby stuff: bottles, cloth diapering, how in the world I will ever be able to return to work, pumping, etc. 
4. I made the mistake of trying on some pre-pregnancy jeans....not a good plan this early in the game. I am ready to get back to working out. I need it. And maybe some new jeans for a little while. I can't wear pajama and yoga pants for the rest of my life, unfortunately. 

Dad at 3 Weeks: 

1. Ryan went back to work on Sunday after being on a family medical leave with us for 4 weeks. I loved having him here with us, but he had to go back to work at some point! 
2. He is a pro at diaper duty and burping this baby. He has the special burping skills that I just don't. 
3. He still gets up with me once at night since he's up usually any way. I will be really excited when she starts taking a bottle every once in a while and I can sleep a little longer at night. Soon, someday soon. 
4. His parents have offered to watch Marin sometime next week to allow us to have a date night. I am also looking so forward to that as well! 

I will leave you with this entry from my journal this past week:  

Until now, I never fully knew what it meant to love someone I hardly know yet, so intensely, my heart aches. I also haven't ever felt this amount of stress, frustration, and confusion, coupled with an elated joy and a purely dumbfounded love that I almost can't put it into words. I have spent most days so sleep deprived yet strangely alright with it. I have questioned every little thing; wondering if my child will come out into this world and succeed fully and beautifully. Or, will her parents mess her up somehow in this process called parenting? 

I feel so connected to this little human. She makes me want to be better, to strive harder, to dream bigger. She causes me to realize that I will never fully have the life I did before I became a mother, but I am completely alright with that realization. She is worth it in every single way.

Baby Marin: Week Two

I have lost all track of time. Somehow it has already been two whole weeks since the birth of our child. How is that even possible? I'm sure I will probably say something similar in every single one of these weekly posts, but that is just more reason to savor every minute. I'm still learning how to do that and not obsessively clean my kitchen instead. Baby steps. My obsessive compulsive ways are slowly learning how to chill out. Slowly. 

I read this quote somewhere, where I'm not sure, so if anyone knows let me know....

The days are long but the years are short. 

That has been ringing so true in these past few days. We are tired, but we endure. We are building a family and the years are going to pass far too quickly in the grand scheme of things. We will have a toddler before we know it. Then we she will be wanting to date boys and drive cars and go off to college and I will be puddle of tears somewhere because our baby grew up too fast. I don't want to wish away these moments even when they can be so difficult. They are important. 

I have been stretched beyond anything I thought possible in the last two weeks. Exhaustion. Speaking delirious sentences to my husband late at night because my brain doesn't know how to fully shut off and sleep when I can. 

We have had small triumphs though. Breastfeeding is slowly becoming normal to me. It isn't such a struggle. I am beginning to really try and cherish that time that I have of being so close to little Marin. Those moments are fleeting. I need to remember that. 

Hold your children close today. Cherish the simple moments. Ignore the dishes. 

The days are long but years are short. 

I couldn't resist. 

Baby Marin: Week One

I'm tired. I'm a tired that I didn't know was even possible. I'm so tired that I'm not tired and I'm sitting here writing these words to you. I will be shocked if all of my sentences come out as they should, but here goes nothing. 

It has been officially one week and two days since Marin Ryan Hollen came in to this world. I plan on writing out our birth story at some point, but that isn't what this post is for today. Each week I want to try and capture a photo of her. Her element. Her smile. Her grimace. Those sleepless nights where my husband and I find ourselves just staring at each other and then back to the crying little girl in my arms and wondering if we will ever see the other side of that feeding or if maybe we will end up with an only child. 

Parenting is tough. Breastfeeding is tougher than I could have ever have imagined. But, looking back from this time last week, we have completely hit a new stride, even if we are still very far from being where one would hope. 

I know I will look back upon these first few weeks of motherhood and laugh someday. I usually am not showered, walking around with a babe in tow, my hair sticking up in a million places and smelling like last nights dinner. I am more exhausted than I thought possible. I have to remind myself to eat and usually consume lunch around 3pm most days. I am constantly in awe of my husband and his character. His help through the breastfeeding has been so needed. I don't think I could do these first few weeks without him by my side. Our zombie like states have caused us to laugh until we've cried and fall more in love with our little girl every minute. 

I know this time will pass far too quickly. I can't believe we are already a week in. I am anxious to know her little personality and really come into our own in regards to breastfeeding. 

One day at day. One feeding at a time. One minute at a time. 

Week One.