Currently

Thrifted today. Cocktail cart? 

I've seen these posts around the blog world and I'm always fascinated about people's likes and dislikes. It's interesting to me to be able to see how other people live their lives.

Watching: Revenge. I'll admit to it. This show is quite addicting. At least the new season is On Demand so I don't have to wait. Also, who am I kidding, I constantly seem to go back to old-school X-Files episodes. Seriously. Scully and Mulder forever. 

Listening To: I just bought some tunes by First Aid Kit and ZZ Ward. First off, how have I not known of ZZ Ward until now? I also keep returning to Alabama Shakes. Woman that can sing. I'm all ears and all respect. 

Thinking About: How life changes so quickly. One of our roommates is moving out. Of course I'm bummed but I think it's time for a new season in our little home. It will be good for all of us. As of today, I'm also toying with the idea of working at the coffeehouse I worked at a few years ago. Just a few days a month, nothing crazy. But, I miss it dearly and would love to get my hands back into that. Sitting at a desk all day and working on spreadsheets isn't exactly what makes my heart skip a beat, it only helps pay the bills and will continue to do so as long as its doors are open. I'm just being honest. So, a little extra pocket change, working with a great group of people in a community I adore, and doing something I love: doesn't seem like I have much of a decision to make, now does it? 

Loving: The cooler weather. The thought of the holidays. The fact that we are having a Thanksgiving meal with some dear friends tomorrow. The fact that I picked up my camera today. I'm writing music again. I'm almost done with Christmas shopping. Also, I thrifted that glorious red cart pictured above today. I've been searching for one for so long. Cocktail cart, here I come. 

Reading: Why Have Kids. I don't know what to think about this book, I also don't have kids yet. But, it definitely makes you stop and think. I think that's a good thing. I also need to start reading my novel for the month. I have't quite gotten there yet. 

Planning: I have some time off around Christmas and New Years. I plan to repaint our kitchen cabinets (just white again, but they are starting to get a bit beat up.) I also want to paint our bedroom and bathroom. Ambitious? Probably. Have I even decided on colors yet? Negative. 

Thoughts on Motherhood

I wrote this in my journal yesterday, in the early morning hour before the rest of my world was awake. 

Hello, Monday. I can't believe you are here already, but I must be very much ready for you. This weekend was a whirlwind of fresh, bold hair colors, dance classes, house scrubbing, new decor store inspiration, and all of the reasons why our mothers are amazing and all the reasons why I still can't wait to be a mom. 

I always think: maybe this will be the last year of not being a mother, just maybe. Maybe next year some of those adorable hand made cards will be for me. Maybe I will be the wide-eyed, sleep deprived woman at the end of the table with a kid in tow. Maybe that will be next year for me. Maybe. Just maybe. I long for motherhood a lot lately. Of course, the idea of it absolutely terrifies me. But, at the same time, I finally feel that spark of knowing that is part of what I am meant to do, of how I meant to live, of who I am meant to be. To be a mom. To raise a child. To devote myself and time to another little human being that cannot quite care for themselves yet. I just know, with all that is within me, that motherhood will someday be a part of who I am. 

I think about my own mother today. Her guidance, her trust in all of my adventures, her wisdom. I think of my mother-in-law and all of the ways she is also wise. I am surrounded by women who know what they are doing and probably sat in the very place I do now today. Wondering. Waiting. Terrified. But, somehow each day I am more ready than I was the day before. 

Maybe it will happen soon. Maybe it won't. Everyday I get closer to that time. 

Yes. We were once this awesome. I'm the deer in headlights in the back.