Baby Sullivan | Week Nine

Our lives seem to be speeding up quickly into the fall season. Last week was spent with an intro class at preschool, training to be teach parents, and learning that we are the music teachers for Marin's class. I was so worried about which committee we would be on and all that the co-op entails, but I do feel really good about the fact that Ryan and I can use our musical knowledge to meet the requirements of the preschool. I'm not sure what all it will entail, but I'm excited to be able to be musicians with a bunch of kiddos instead of helping with the garage sale or sanitizing toys. 

Everyone loves Sully at Grammy's house. 

Tomorrow, Marin goes to preschool. We will take her there and then we will leave. She will be there on her own for the first time. The only other time she has been in a situation like that is when she goes to the classrooms at church. This mama is nervous. I am praying for no tears and a great confidence to rise up within her adorable preschool self. I know she can do it. I know she will love it. She will get a chance twice a week now to get over her fears and embrace the classroom. 

Sullivan is officially two months old as of September 3rd. He has his 2 month well check coming up on Wednesday this week. I cannot wait to see how much this little guy actually weighs. We switched up to size two diapers already and he grows and grows every day. Every time I go to his crib in the morning to feed him, I'm always a little surprised at how he grows overnight. He has been all smiles lately and is slowly finding his voice. He is awake a lot more often lately and is slowly becoming more aware of the big world around him. His big sister loves him very much and she is always not far from his side. 

Best Buds. 

At Ryan's birthday dinner. 

I am officially back to work, full time this coming Sunday, the 10th. I was planning on not going back fully until the 24th of September but we need the finances and I believe that I'm ready. Two kids is so different from just one. I was in such a haze with Marin those first few months after she was born. Learning to be a mom is a big task. Now, we have two children and I feel like it has been so much easier this time around. Granted, we've dealt with toddler tantrums and trying to get everyone on a schedule, but I feel like I am in a much better headspace than before. Now I just need to be able to feel good in my own skin and make sure I'm taking good care of myself. It's a day by day process. 

Week Nine. 

For fun, here is Marin at 2 months old! 

Mom Guilt | What Keeps Me Up At Night

Last week we had a few rougher nights due to sickness in our family. One night in particular, Marin woke up around 1:30am coughing and crying. I went in and gave her some medicine. Luckily, she went straight back to sleep after that instead of trying to fight staying up. I on the other tried to go back to bed but proceeded to toss and turn for hours upon hours. My brain didn't want to slow down, shut off, and just rest. Instead, it mulled a million miles per hour and anxiety began to bend and sway within me. I'm not even totally sure how long I was awake for but it was bad enough that I was considering just getting up and working on stuff, at 3am in the morning. That's when you know it's bad. 

Laying there, I was just so anxious. For so many things. The biggest was regarding my job. I have discovered that I have this fear of going on maternity leave and everything either completely falls apart or they realize that they can do it all without me. This anxiety begins to well up hugely inside of me at 3am in the morning and causes me to be so torn. I want to be able to have our son and focus on him for as many weeks as I can before we have to dive back into reality again. No deadlines, agendas, emails, or projects. Just us. Just family. 

There's this thing in our society that tends to torment me. I think it's completely destructive and detrimental to mothers and fathers everywhere. You have to still do EVERYTHING, as you did before. Don't rest. If you rest, you job and life will move swiftly on without you. You must be at the top of your game at all times. No gaps in your career or resume. You want a career right? Blah, blah, blah. 

These are things that keep me up at night, that and pregnancy insomnia. Mom guilt is a real thing. I want nothing more than to take 6 weeks of our lives to figure out how to be a family of four and bring our new son into the world. This may very well be the last time we ever get this opportunity. I don't want to feel guilty about using my rights and benefits to spend time with our growing family. No more guilt. I know I can prep and plan. I know I can put things in place to help make this transition safe and secure. I know that my job is super awesome, as are our maternity benefits and I need to not worry about these sort of things. 

With my leave with Marin, I took twelve weeks but was still so very consumed by my job. I never fully embraced all of the new experiences of motherhood and those first few weeks are a total blur to me. Those first few weeks were so hard. I can never get them back. I was too worried about calendars, payroll, and getting my job done even though I was supposed to be on leave. 

My plan is take 12 weeks with our son. The first six...I don't even want to think about work. The last six, I'll work part time from home. The transition to having two kids is a big one for me. I am anxious and have no idea how to navigate life. As long as I don't try to everything all of the time, I'm sure we will be fine. 

This is what keeps me up at night. 

Currently Clicking #19

Each and every week, I gather links of all of the places I have been perusing in the great, grand internet. There are plenty of people out there doing big things and small things. Some of these are practical, some are inspiring. This week I realize that I always need to eat more salads and figure out how to eat healthy on a budget. I am also drooling over a house tour, wondering how you know a trend is truly over, dreaming of a peach dish to make, thinking about what it means to separate work from motherhood and whether or not is possible, and reminding myself about the reasons we all have to let go of our past. 

1.  I always need to eat more salad. Here are 5 Tips for Making a Week's Worth of Salads on a Sunday. 
2. Trends come and go. My ever changing hair over the years should probably be a sign of that. How do you know if a trend is done and over with? How do you know if a trend is officially over? 
3. I am completely in love with this house tour. They make living with two children in a 1100 square foot house actually seem doable. I love the back yard space and the flooring throughout the house. I am becoming more and more ready to get our house on the market and find a new place to call home. 
4. We always need tips on healthy eating on a budget. This post has some great tips to keep in mind, especially when aiming for a whole food, plant based diet. Also, might I add her grilled peaches and sweet cream with crunchy bits looks so darn delicious. 
5. Now that I am a mother, even more of this post rings true: 10 Things Women Like To Do Alone. 
6. One of my goals someday, hopefully, is to have the ability to work from home or something that looks somewhat like that, in a job that is creative and challenging. Here is a great post about working from home for entrepreneurs.  But on the flip side, here is another point of view of being a work at home mom. Both of these links were seen at Shutterbean and I love her list posts so very much. As a mom and a person in the work world, can we every truly find balance between the two? Are we meant to? 
7. And lastly, a good reminder: 10 Reasons to Let Go of Your Past. 

A Busy, Working Mom's Cleaning Schedule

I feel the need to add a bit of disclaimer to this post....I am a new mom. I don't know what I'm doing. I am also a bit OCD by nature and like a good list. They keep me line. They help me know what the end goal is. I don't want to portray that I am perfect, especially as a mom. I mess up. A lot. I also don't want to portray that my house is perfect at all times of the day, no matter what. There's spit up in places I don't care to think about. There's a couch that probably has a small colony living underneath it by now. Our laundry piles might eventually be the death of me or our cat, Geoff. Most of my time is occupied by a newborn that sleeps, eats, and poops. This will all change at some point, as it should. 

There will be plenty of times that I don't complete this list every week. There will be times where I will choose to hang out with my family instead of scrubbing my kitchen. There are times where I know I will fall short. These are just guidelines. I work better when I have a list. I might go a week and only get my living room cleaned because we had some spare time on Monday. I am fine with that. I like knowing how other people manage their busy lives, this is just a peek at mine. It will bend and sway and change over and over again. 

I am not naive. I am not perfect. I mess up lots. I'm learning as I go in this thing called parenthood and I have only just begun.

Those are just my thoughts....Now continue on to the cleaning schedule...

I am a bit of a neat freak. Parenting has forced me to back off of that title a bit, but I still take some pride in having a nice, organized, clean house. When my house is messy, my brain lives in chaos. When I wake up to a semi-clean home, I feel like I have a better grasp on my sanity. 

We lead busy lives. With a newborn, I can't devout 3 hours on a Saturday to deep cleaning my house anymore. At this point in our lives, that just doesn't work for us. 

When I was pregnant, I created these two lists. I was too exhausted then to take a day to clean, so I split it up into daily tasks that were still obtainable. I have been using this system now that I'm on maternity leave as well. Once I go back to work, I think I can keep this up, but it might need to be altered here and there. One room only takes me about 20 minutes if I have been keeping up with my cleaning schedule. That is doable. I can do that. 

I have normal daily tasks that I already do. When I wake up or before I go to bed (or both), I just do a quick pick up and sweep of the house. This makes getting up the next day easier and my cleaning task for that day doesn't seem too cumbersome. 

I also have a deep cleaning list. On Sundays, I try to do one of these items. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Sometimes my husband actually has a Sunday off and I won't clean then. That's family time. Sometimes it's good to rest and my oven can wait to be deep cleaned one more week. It's ok to rest, people. Remember that. 

There you have it. The secret to my sanity. I have also started using these cleaning products. Any glass cleaner that smells like mint works for me. (I am not getting paid to say that, I just love the product. But, hey, if they want to give me free goods, I wouldn't say no.) 

Happy Cleaning.