This is 32 | A New List

My final portrait from my series, taken on the eve of my 32nd birthday.

11, 699 days in so far in this thing called life, as of today that is. I had every intention of actually getting these words out into the open over a week ago when I rang in a new year of life but...life happened per usual. Work happened, raising kids happened, trying to catch up on sleep kind of happened but who are we kidding, really? 

I have a feeling that year thirty two is going to be a good one for me, one like I've never quite experienced before. Why? I'm not sure how to put my finger on it but this past season has been one of swift and immense change in just about every area of my life. I feel like this new year is going to be much the same and I'm kind of just along for the ride so far.

 Looking back upon my life over the last decade, I never really thought I would be where I am now. I'm back working at the office that I left 4 years ago and it still is strange to me to sit and work in that office once more. Every morning that I go into work, it still feels strange to put on my name tag and walk through those halls.  We have two children, which is still seemingly mind boggling to me in many ways. Becoming a mom has changed me more than anything else in my life. 

As of last week, we have officially transitioned back to the church we called home when we were newleyweds and into the years of our lives pre-babies. I have been trying to be intentional and cry out for my family in this season more than I ever have before. No longer working at church opened up my ears and my heart more to where God was leading us in this new season. He has lead us to return to where we once were. As with all decisions of this caliber, it has not been easy especially because many of th people I was in ministry with, I have been in ministry with for over half of my life. That’s a long time. But, sitting in our new (old) church home on Sunday, I was flooded with so much peace and I know we are where we need to be. Sometimes transition is hard and I have felt that in so many areas of our lives. But lately, I have felt peace the surpasses all of my understanding in this life and I know I just need to keep listening. 

Every year for the past few years, I have created a list of things that I want to accomplish before my next birthday rolls around, as it always does. Now that I am on my way into my mid-thirties, at least in a few years, I feel like it is expected of me to get my crap together more. My twenties feel very, very, very far away now and life looks completely different than I thought it would. Good different, but different nonetheless. 

Here is my list from last year. I have gone in and crossed out the ones that I actually accomplished. There are some things on this list that I have placed on the list every year and every year I don’t accomplish them, but here we are. I know many of you could really care less if I cross off items on my list, but I love things like this and I will probably continue to make these lists for a long time. 

Below is my list for this new year of life....I am now 32, which still seems odd to me in the grand scheme of things. But, I’m ready to dive in to this new year, full of hope even though so many things still feel like they are unknown. 

33 books
Read through the Bible
Go camping
Become debt free
Get another tattoo
Sell our house (This is probably the biggest undertaking on this list...) 
10 year anniversary trip
Family Trip
Holiday Bucket List 
Try Buki Yoga & Lekfit
Secret Thing #1 (Wouldn’t you like to know?) 
Fly in a plane
Farmers Market
Use the library more
No Spend Month
Drive in Movie
Find another side hustle
Fall Bucket List
Play a show or play FOCOMX 
Have pie in Estes
Intuitive Eating
Go to a concert
See the ocean
52 Blog Posts for the year
Stay at the Elizabeth Hotel
Get a massage
Finish a song
30 Day Challenge
Revamp the weekly cleaning schedule
Go meat free for a while
New pick up and tune up for my Martin acoustic
Family Dinner 2x per week and focus on meal planning
Make bread from scratch

This is 32. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Twenty Six (6 months!)

I should have posted this blog days ago but this week has been a crazy one. I cannot quite fathom that it's already Saturday and the week starts over already tomorrow. Sunday will come swiftly, of that I am sure. This past week was the beginning of a new year. New goals, new dreams, new hopes. I am a true sucker for resolutions or goal making. I'll be posting a One Little Word for 2018 sometime soon as soon as I solidly land on my word for the new year. 

At work, we always take the last Sunday of the year off. I am so grateful for that time to just breathe, refocus, and rest. We spent quite a few days in our pajamas, slowly taking down Christmas decorations and trying to put our house back to some sort of normal. 

Wednesday was my first official work day back in the office. I actually had to put make up on and look somewhat presentable. Wednesday was also the day that Sully turned 6 months old. 6 months! We are half way through his first year and I feel like in the past few days, he has grown leaps and bounds. We started to slowly introduce solids with some purees and some baby lead weaning finger foods. I was only doing this once a day or so but lately he is so into it and seems hungry so we have been experimenting with some different foods lately. Little dude is getting so big, so fast! He loves food so far just as much as he has loved breastfeeding. I am super thankful for that and hope to carry on through this year with a good eater. 

Sullivan has his 6 month appointment on Monday and as always, I'm curious about how much he weighs. I know he's still growing but he seems to be leaning out a bit and growing taller. He's still larger for his age and I love it. 

Marin goes back to preschool next week and our lives will continue as usual. I started the Whole30 again a few days ago and as long as I plan and prep well, it isn't super difficult. I'm working on my goals and word for the year. I'm ready to get our house in order once more and go through every closet and cranny. I love the fresh start of a new year. I love where we are at with Sully and how everyday is so new and fun. 

Marin hated this nutcracker but now won't let me put it away. Goober. 

Week Twenty Six. 

Here's Marin at Week Twenty Six. 

Portrait Four

As part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month. This one is for the month of November. Yet again, we are well into the next month and I am just now getting this posted, but here we are.

Someday I won't question whether or not this is it and if it's enough. Looking back, I will realize it was always more than enough and long for the things I missed or overlooked because I was too busy trying to be super mom and super human, all while having a clean, well kept house with fantastic vacuum lines in the carpet and the absence of sticky messes on the floor. 

Someday I know I will miss having these hangry humans intensely dependent upon me with their unwavering devotion and need for a parent, for a life giver, for a nurturer. Our home will one day be too quiet and I will long for the dishwasher that needs to be emptied and the little clothes that need be folded and put away in tiny drawers. I will miss the bath time at night where the kids plead to stay in for far too long and their fingers turn to little raisins. I will miss reading the same book over and over again at bedtime, a book that Marin can recite by memory alone, with the same rise and fall of our adult voices reflected in hers, just as we aim to bring each character from the page to life.  

In this season of life, I am woman finding her way once more, finding more solid footing. I am a wife, a mom, an employee. I am someone that at times tries to hold on to her past in fear of losing the creative aspects of my existence. I am someone that is working really hard to be present in the moment and not veer too far off course. I am trying really hard to find a life that is more than enough. 

Someday, dinner time will look different and I won't stand over a pot of boiling mac n' cheese, stirring it so it doesn't boil over. This is all for the picky preschooler that literally would eat the same thing every single night. I will miss making the chicken nuggets or coaxing her to eat just one more bite of vegetables all the while she absolutely refuses to eat carrots. 

All of this is it and it is more than enough. 

Portrait Four. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Twelve

I love this photo. He seems so hardcore. 

The weather has cooled down a bit in the past few days and it rained all of yesterday. We even turned on our heater the other night because it was freezing in our home. This is my happy place. The first day of fall has arrived and Sullivan is twelve weeks old. 

I'm back to work in full swing and pumping will probably be the death of me. I also keep forgetting to bring the little lids that go on top of the bottles for after I pump. I've resorted to pouring the milk into water bottles until I can get them home and put a lid on them. Seriously. How do I keep doing that? Those lids are important. I want to keep my supply up so I'm pumping on the same schedule that I feed him, give or take an hour or so. Sundays are the hardest because the second I step foot at church/work, my day flies by at breakneck speed. 

Sullivan is all smiles and coos. He is finding his voice. He's outgrowing all of his clothes and I need to get him some pants because cooler weather is coming soon. He is already in 3-6 month clothes and is growing like a weed. He loves playing on the activity mat that we had for Marin. I feel bad for the little guy though because it's very pink but he doesn't seem to mind at all. 

Sorry for all of the pink, buddy. 

Marin caught a cold in the last few days so we've been taking it super easy at home and just praying that she takes long naps and gets healthy. Now that she's in preschool, I'm sure she's around a lot more germs than before. I'm also consistently asking her to stay out of baby brother's face because a sick baby is never any fun for anyone. I'm praying that she is on the mend because she has preschool again tomorrow and I know she will be super bummed if she has to miss it because her nose is so runny. 

The weeks are moving so swiftly and we are almost in October already. I decorated the inside of our home for fall. I'm ready to drink lots of hot coffee. I want to take the kids to a pumpkin patch this year. We've never done that before and I think Marin would have a blast. I feel the need to try and slow down a bit in our lives but it becomes difficult when our weeks are so full. The days go very quickly. With every new week, I'm left wondering where the previous week went. It will be Christmas before we know it and we will have an almost 4 year old and a 6 month old! My goodness. 

Week Twelve. And just for fun....Marin at 12 Weeks

Baby Sullivan | Week Nine

Our lives seem to be speeding up quickly into the fall season. Last week was spent with an intro class at preschool, training to be teach parents, and learning that we are the music teachers for Marin's class. I was so worried about which committee we would be on and all that the co-op entails, but I do feel really good about the fact that Ryan and I can use our musical knowledge to meet the requirements of the preschool. I'm not sure what all it will entail, but I'm excited to be able to be musicians with a bunch of kiddos instead of helping with the garage sale or sanitizing toys. 

Everyone loves Sully at Grammy's house. 

Tomorrow, Marin goes to preschool. We will take her there and then we will leave. She will be there on her own for the first time. The only other time she has been in a situation like that is when she goes to the classrooms at church. This mama is nervous. I am praying for no tears and a great confidence to rise up within her adorable preschool self. I know she can do it. I know she will love it. She will get a chance twice a week now to get over her fears and embrace the classroom. 

Sullivan is officially two months old as of September 3rd. He has his 2 month well check coming up on Wednesday this week. I cannot wait to see how much this little guy actually weighs. We switched up to size two diapers already and he grows and grows every day. Every time I go to his crib in the morning to feed him, I'm always a little surprised at how he grows overnight. He has been all smiles lately and is slowly finding his voice. He is awake a lot more often lately and is slowly becoming more aware of the big world around him. His big sister loves him very much and she is always not far from his side. 

Best Buds. 

At Ryan's birthday dinner. 

I am officially back to work, full time this coming Sunday, the 10th. I was planning on not going back fully until the 24th of September but we need the finances and I believe that I'm ready. Two kids is so different from just one. I was in such a haze with Marin those first few months after she was born. Learning to be a mom is a big task. Now, we have two children and I feel like it has been so much easier this time around. Granted, we've dealt with toddler tantrums and trying to get everyone on a schedule, but I feel like I am in a much better headspace than before. Now I just need to be able to feel good in my own skin and make sure I'm taking good care of myself. It's a day by day process. 

Week Nine. 

For fun, here is Marin at 2 months old! 

32 Things Before 32

Every year for the past few years, I've written a list around my birthday. This list consists of many things that I want to accomplish in the new year in front of me. Last year, I didn't do very well on checking items off of my list. I found out I was pregnant in October and many items on the list ended up never being completed. I was a little preoccupied with growing a human. But, now I have begun my 32nd year, Sullivan was born in July and I have created a new, fresh list, just waiting to completed.

Here is my list from last year.....

1. Read 31 books. (I read 20)

2. Start blogging again.

3. Get pregnant with #2.

4. Paint the outside of our house.

5. Embrace a side hustle.

6. Play a show.

7. See the ocean.

8. Make a big purchase with cash.  (We roofed our house and paid cash for it!) 

9. Get another tattoo. (Can't get inked when you are pregnant) 

10. Get a facial.

11. Grow Hollen Photography.

12. Get a deep tissue massage.

13. Redo our basement: paint everything, new flooring, doors, etc. 

14. Finish a song. 

15. Go to a drive-in movie. 

16. Start writing a book. 

17. Thrift more. 

18. Increase our curb appeal.

19. Travel somewhere new. 

20. Build up an emergency fund. (About half way there...) 

21. Meal plan and decrease our grocery budget. 

22. Purge the entire house, every room!

23. Develop a product or new venture.  

24. Get family pictures taken. 

25. Complete another Jazzercise attendance challenge. 

26. Have a No-Spend Month. 

27. Read the Dark Tower Series, Harry Potter Series, and Anne of Green Gables Series. (I made it about half way through two of these series) 

28. Take a class. 

29. Seasonal Fun: pumpkin patch, picking strawberries, the zoo, parades, the fair, etc. 

30. See a show at Red Rocks. 

31. Splurge on the perfect pair of jeans. 

Here is my list for this new year....

1. Read 32 books. (I read 23 this year....) 

2. Learn how to use my pressure cooker & air fryer. 

3. Re-do our basement. 

4. Paint the outside of our home. 

5. Landscape our yard and rebuild back porch. 

6. Replace all interior doors. 

7. Create a plan to become debt free by 2020 (including student loans....) 

8. Rejoin Weight Watchers meetings (I go back and forth on this ALL OF THE TIME.)  

9. Get another tattoo

10. Get family photos taken & print some photo books. 

11. Finish writing a song. 

12. Go to the dentist and the doctor for exams. 

13. Get a massage. 

14. Family walks. 

15. Take a family vacation. 

16. Have time away with my hubby. 

17. Embrace a side hustle. 

18. Breastfeed Sullivan for one year. (He stopped at just shy of 11 months.) 

19. Reset up the practice space and actually play our music gear. 

20. Design a product. 

21. Go to the drive-in. 

22. Blog consistently and revamp blog layout. 

23. Finish reading the Bible In a Year. 

24. Go to a concert. 

25. 12 date nights. (Maybe we hit this?) 

26. Take a Barre Method Class

27. Finish the Dark Tower/Harry Potter Series. (I am at book #4 for HP...) 

28. Get a facial. 

29. Take one self-portrait a month. 

30. Grow something. 

31. Start a new family tradition. 

32. Start saving money for our 10 year anniversary trip. 

I am ready to dive head first into this new year. I feel like I'm just beginning the journey once more of re-learning how to be myself after having a baby. I'm excited for what this year holds. Hello thirty two. 

Maternity Leave Goals

I am a creator of lists. I thrive off of them and love being able to feel accomplished. I need this intensely in my life right now. Maternity leave has challenged me already and we are only a few weeks in. I don't do well with not doing much. I like to do things, to accomplish things, to meet my goals head on. I don't like not being able to drive, or really clean, or lift my toddler. Thanks, C-Section. It's been swell so far. But, we are getting there. 

Ryan heads back to work tomorrow and I'm trying to not psych myself out too much. We will get into a routine. We will see the other side of this transition. I will be able to shower someday without a baby bouncer in the bathroom and a toddler out in the hallway with her books. I need to give it time. 

One thing I am sure of though is that I want to soak in this time that I do have. I will probably never have this opportunity again. No work for many weeks and time available to spend with my family. These are priceless times. They will be gone before I know it. SOAK IT ALL IN. 

I want to set a few goals for my leave though. I read somewhere that it's wise to make small goals with low expectations during a season like this. Things will not get accomplished. Sometimes just hanging out with my kids will be more than enough. They need to be fed. They need naps. They need adventures. 

Here are a few things that I have been thinking about lately...

• Revamp our budget. 
• Organize our closets. We need to get rid of a lot of clothes that we no longer wear and I would like to not see my maternity pants any longer. 
• Work on creating a good newborn/preschooler schedule. 
• Start a workout program, slowly...and follow through. (Once I have been given the ok from my doc.) 
• Rejoin Weight Watchers and find a meeting that works with our schedule and two children. 
• Treat yo self (Any Parks & Rec fans out there?) Get my hair done, get a pedicure. 
• Have a few playdates/coffee dates with other moms and families. Get out of the house!
• Make date night a priority. 
• Redesign this blog. It's time for a fresh, new look. 
• Work on a few, very simple house projects. 

I know some people out there will think that I'm crazy, but this is how I roll. I do love a good list. 

Small goals, low expectations. 

One Little Word | 2017

Over the past few years, I've sought out One Little Word for the new year ahead of me. Sometimes the word comes to me almost immediately during the Christmas season, other times I have to really hunt for it in the midst of the chaos and beauty of life. It's a nice feeling to have a word that you can become grounded to or even toss aside entirely, but for it to still be there as you need it and learn through the seasons of a new year. I've learned a lot from my words in the past. 

Here is my word from 2015 and 2016. I love being able to choose a word, or even have a word choose me. It keeps me grounded but also moving forward. 

I had my word for this year probably about a month ago but I'm just now being able to share it with you all. Many of my mornings have been filled with this idea and I feel it's ready to share with the world. 

Leading up to this post, I feel like I have been wavering in many things in our lives. Being pregnant with our second child (see the adorable announcement video here) has sent me on an never ending loop of feeling super tired but knowing that I should be doing something worthwhile. I desire for my days to mean something, to be worth something. I desire to be able to look back upon this year and realize that we accomplished a lot, even with a little. 

My word for this new year is.....INTENTIONAL. 

As far as goal setting and New Year resolutions go, that word originally felt like a predictable choice, an easy choice. But, it kind of chose me. 

I read this quote early this morning on Pinterest and it soaked into me. Being INTENTIONAL to me is putting in the hard work. Creating the lists. Taking the chunks of time in your day that are usually wasted and doing something extraordinary with them. INTENTIONAL to me is finding the magic in the ordinary. Emptying the dishwasher. Changing the diaper. Reading the same book to the kiddo for the 100th time that day. Working on the work project that never seems to end. Crossing off the items on a to do list and continuing to move on. 

I like the idea of working hard in silence. I believe that's what INTENTION looks like, feels like, moves like. Many times in life, I want people to be aware of my hard work. I want people to think that I have it all together and that I work my tail off. But, in all reality, I don't think that matters. Yes, you have to do the work and put in ALL of the time, but your success will speak for itself. 

I want to approach this year much the same. Do the work, put in the hours, don't boast about the hustle. The success and end result will speak for itself as something of value and worth. 

It's the little steps, the little lists, the little moments that will add up to an life of INTENTION. 

These will be my areas of focus this year...a mind, body, and soul approach. 

HOME |  Purge. Home Projects. Weekly Cleaning Schedule. Clean Car. 

BODY | Move more often. CSA or Farmer's Market. Self-Care Weekly. Get Outside. Drink More Water. Essential Oisl. More Sleep. 

MONEY | Side Hustle. Meal Planning. Debt Free Goals & Plan. Budget Boot Camp. Spending Freeze. No Mindless Purchases. 

FAMILY & LOVE |  Family Meals. Date Night. Work Life Balance. Be Present. Take Vacations. More Husband Time. 

MIND | Less TV. More Books. Podcasts & TED Talks. Learn Something New. Brain Dump in AM & PM. 

SPIRIT | Wake at 5am often. Gratitude Journal. Morning Pages. The Artist's Way. Community Involvement. Church. 

I'm not sure where all of this will take me this year, but I'm willing to take the time to find out. 

Good Things

It's been forever. I have only written in this little space a few times this year...the least amount of time in all of my years of blogging. Oh well, that's how it goes sometimes. Life has moved so fast this year and I cannot believe it is nearly 2017. 2017! 

I am hoping to do more blogging in this little space come the new year. The truth is...I miss it. It's nice to be able to look back on the past few years and all of the things that have happened in our lives. 

2017 is gearing up to be a crazy year. I hope to keep track of it way better than I did for 2016. I have no idea what this space will look like but I'm willing to give it a lot more time than I have been. It will be good to pick up my camera more often and document our lives. Good things are happening and good things are coming. 

A List | 31 Things Before 31

I entered into a new decade on Wednesday. I am no longer in my twenties and I still haven't quite grasped that. A lot happened in my twenties. Heartbreak. Living in the northwest. Going to college. Playing lots of music. Moving home. Meeting Ryan. Marrying Ryan. A few different jobs: coffee houses, churches, a dental office. Playing more music. We bought our first home. We had our first kid. 

Many things can happen in the span of a decade. Now I find myself in a fresh one, untouched and totally unknown. The idea of being in my thirties is actually pretty appealing. I'm ready for a fresh start, a clean slate. In some ways, I feel like I need to be a real adult now. In other ways I feel like I never will be and that's totally alright. 

Every year for the past few years, I've written a list around my birthday. This list consists of many things that I want to accomplish in the new year in front of me. Last year, I did alright with my list but didn't accomplish quite a few of them. You can see the list here....30 Things Before 30.  It's no secret that I love making lists and I love making this list every single year. I'm excited for what 30 holds. So many things in our lives feel like they are currently in transition. I'm sure I will move into 31 in a totally different place. 

Below is my brand new list. Fresh and new. 31 things before I turn 31.....

1. Read 31 books.

2. Start blogging again.

3. Get pregnant with #2.

4. Paint the outside of our house.

5. Embrace a side hustle.

6. Play a show.

7. See the ocean.

8. Make a big purchase with cash.

9. Get another tattoo.

10. Get a facial.

11. Grow Hollen Photography.

12. Get a deep tissue massage.

13. Redo our basement: paint everything, new flooring, doors, etc. 

14. Finish a song. 

15. Go to a drive-in movie. 

16. Start writing a book. 

17. Thrift more. 

18. Increase our curb appeal.

19. Travel somewhere new. 

20. Build up an emergency fund. 

21. Meal plan and decrease our grocery budget. 

22. Purge the entire house, every room!

23. Develop a product or new venture.  

24. Get family pictures taken. 

25. Complete another Jazzercise attendance challenge. 

26. Have a No-Spend Month. 

27. Read the Dark Tower Series, Harry Potter Series, and Anne of Green Gables Series. 

28. Take a class. 

29. Seasonal Fun: pumpkin patch, picking strawberries, the zoo, parades, the fair, etc. 

30. See a show at Red Rocks. 

31. Splurge on the perfect pair of jeans. 

#RESTORE | The 35 Day Jazzercise Challenge

At the end of last year I stepped out of my comfort zone and signed up for Jazzercise. Most people think that is pretty funny but when I show them what a normal class looks like, like the video below, they then understand that I work my booty off in the process and have a lot of fun doing it. No, I don't wear leg warmers. I do try and wear funky patterned pants because that's just how I like to roll. I wanted to find something that challenged me and helped me feel strong. I wanted something that gave me freedom and a desire to get up and workout.

I have loved every single second of my journey so far in the world of Jazzercise. No, I haven't lost the 30lbs that I would love to get off of my frame. No, I'm not a lean twig. But, I feel STRONG. I feel EMPOWERED. I feel like I could take on anything that comes my way. My brain is clearer, my daily life is more determined. I am a better wife, mom, and employee. 

At the beginning of February, my Jazzercise place started a challenge: 30 classes in 35 days. At first I was thinking...." There's no way I can pull that off with my schedule." But, in a fit of craziness, I signed up. My name card hung on the board at class and I started with determination. It was hard, I won't lie about that. I woke up at 4:45am A LOT during this challenge because that was the only time I could make it to class with work and a toddler. In the beginning, I went through and figured out how often per week I would have to go to meet my mark. I needed to go to Jazzercise 6 days a week to make it in 35 days.

AND I DID! 

First day. Of course after the class when I am a sweaty mess.

This was today. The last day of the challenge. Wearing my awesome tank top.

This morning was my last class of the challenge and I proudly accepted the tank top. This tank top is more to me than a piece of clothing. It is a symbol of something that I conquered, something that I didn't think I could do. I truly have NEVER worked out this much in my entire life. 6 days a week for 1 hour a day. That's a lot. 

I could have eaten better and probably would have lost more weight but I lost 6 inches in 30 days. I feel more confident than I ever have before in my mom body. I still have my mom pouch but my clothes are fitting better. 

I have found a strength and passion that I didn't know that I had. The gals at Jazzercise are so encouraging and I love going there. If I am going to get up at the crack of dawn, it better be worth it. And it is! I am even toying with the idea of someday becoming an instructor. We shall see!

This is all part of my effort to RESTORE myself this year. My one little word. Never stop going after your goals. Never stop trying new things and seeking out new experiences. Never stop. You won't be sorry. I am not sorry. I am thankful that I kept going, that I kept moving. I'm not stopping now.