Baby Sullivan | Week Twenty Five

Sullivan will be 6 months old in a few days and we are preparing for a new year. I keep coming to the realization that we definitely do not have a newborn anymore. Sully grows a little more every single day. I'm always surprised when I go to feed him in the early hours of the morning and he seems to have grown even within the night hours while he sleeps away in his crib. It's hard for me to believe that we are already almost half way through his first year of life. I truly feel like I was just big and pregnant, wobbling around in our home praying that his delivery would go smoothly. I feel like I was just in the hospital, waking with him every few hours to work on nursing and learn how to be a mother to two little kiddos instead of just one. He fits into our family so well and I am so thankful. 

We dove into feeding Sullivan his first food last week. I thought we went with sweet potatoes but I didn't read the jar well apparently. His food food was officially some carrots. Overall, he did great. A bit messy, but that's to be expected. He went for it and I think he will be a good eater of solid foods just like he is a good nurser. I would really like to expand his palette a lot more than we did with Marin as he grows. Marin would literally eat the same 3 things all of the time and has a hard time expanding her horizons. I need our second child to not survive on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cheese. I know, every mom probably says that, but seriously. I hope to introduce him to a lot more foods that we did with Marin. 

That night after we fed him his first solid food was pretty rough though. It took us about 2 hours to get him to finally fall asleep. His poor little tummy was pretty upset and not used to the solid food yet. We haven't tried again, honestly...but I hope to dive back in this week. I plan on not introducing new food so late in the day too. That was our first issue. Poor guy. We are going to take this one meal at a time. 

He is also working on cutting more teeth. His has one on the bottom that is slowly popping out of his gums. I can feel some top teeth making their way out as well. This is all so foreign to me because Marin was so late in getting teeth. He's already a biter and I'm sure we are going to have to work on that. I hope to breastfeed him for at least a year and he needs to be nice to me. 

Week Twenty Five. 

Here's Marin at Week Twenty Five. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Sixteen

We always love trips to Costco. 

I'm late in writing this post for this week but that is pretty reflective of how this week feels already...and somehow it's only Tuesday. Ryan is on vacation this week but I'm not, which is always a bummer. He's also feeling under the weather and being sick on vacation is always pretty crappy. But, here we are. Tuesday evening. The older kiddo is in bed asking for who knows what to get her out of said bed. Little dude is finally sleeping in his bouncer and will hopefully do so for a while until his last feeding for the night. 

Sullivan is growing out of most of his clothes already and I need to do a major overhaul of the contents of his dresser drawers. Luckily, we've been given a ton of clothes but most of them start around 18 months or so. At the rate he is growing though, he will be wearing that size before we know it. 

I think he's starting to teethe a bit already. Marin was super slow getting even one tooth but I have this inkling that Sully won't be that way. He has grown exponentially fast already. But, we have had lots of drool lately, more fussiness than usual, and some super fun diaper blow outs. He has been stocking up the fun diapers for a few days and then we get to deal with the mess. At least I finally found a way to get poop stains out of his clothes. Thanks Pinterest! I owe you one. 

We also have been trying to have more of a constant schedule with him everyday. He was getting to the point of hardly napping at all and that was killing all of us slowly. I'm trying to be more diligent with feeding and napping schedules. With Marin, it was so much easier because she was the only kiddo. Now, we are shuffling Marin here and there, working all over the place. Little guy just kind of is along for the ride sometimes. But, our goal is to have him nap consistently in his own crib. I'm taking it one day at a time....

I captured Elsa in her natural habitat, through the backdoor screen. 

Yesterday I had my hair cut and colored. I went with a color and cut that I haven't done in a few years or so. It feels good. I needed a change and what better way to do that than changing your hair. It can be as temporary as you want it to be and I like that freedom. The funny thing though is that when I came home to feed Sullivan, he was just waking up from his nap. He opened his eyes and started crying. He didn't recognize me at first with the new hair color, poor guy! The entire time I was feeding him, he gave the side eye like..."I know you're my mom but something is different here..." He's finally warmed up to it but I didn't even think about that when I was sitting in the salon chair. 

Good Change

This week is a crazy one for me at work and now we just need to make sure that everyone in the house gets healthy and stays healthy. I'm on day 23 of the Whole 30....the home stretch. I'm pretty ready to be done with it, at least as strictly as I have been following the plan the past 23 days. I do know that I'll incorporate a good chunk of how I am currently eating into how I will eat in the future. I want to have freedom in the food I eat and how I take care of myself. It is an ongoing process pretty much all of the time. 

Week Sixteen.

Baby Sullivan | Week Fourteen

Our baby is 3 months old now and I can't hardly believe it. He's growing like a weed. I've already had to go through his clothes and put away everything he can no longer fit in. I don't plan on keeping it all this time around because I believe our family is feeling pretty complete at two kids. It will be weird to not keep around the swing or bouncer once he outgrows it. All of his little clothes too will no longer just sit in a box but I'll donate them so some other little guy can use them. I am excited to get the insane amount of all things baby out of my house someday soon. He needs to slow down a bit though. He's 3 months old and weighs 16 pounds!!!! He's wearing mostly 3-6 month clothing and we almost have him in size 3 diapers already. 

His new favorite thing is a little elephant that we received as a gift. He likes the gnaw on its little nose and have it close to him. He didn't really have a little stuffed animal yet that he liked, not like Marin and Bernie the Bunny. That bunny still goes almost everywhere with us. He now is in a pink sparkly dress with pink sparkly shoes. Marin would wear a similar outfit everyday if I let her. 

Marin took a bit of a tumble last night while I was cooking dinner. She was going downstairs to grab her little water bottle for bedtime. Daddy has just read her a few books and she came down the steps. As soon as she hit our wood floor, she slipped in her socks and I heard a BOOM! That noise was followed by a pause and then a wail. Poor kiddo fell and slammed her mouth into the floor. Her gums were bleeding and punctured her lip a bit. Mouth wounds always have lots of blood. She has a bit of a puffy lip right now, poor kid. But, we are keeping an eye on the teeth and I'm sure she will survive. 

Sully is also using his voice a lot lately. I captured this video of him the other night with Daddy. 

Marin is still going strong with "Quiet Time" instead of our daily afternoon naps. She does a pretty good job of entertaining herself in her room for a while. It helps keep us sane and gives her some time to learn and explore. She has put herself to bed a few times in the past week or so. I'm glad she recognizes when she's tired. 

Week Fourteen. 

Here's Marin at 14 weeks. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Eight

In a few days, we will have ourselves an adorable, chunky, pretty darn awesome two month old. The days pass by so quickly every single week. This week, I finally managed to capture a smile in a photograph! (Thanks Grammy!) 

We also had our first epic diaper blowout. He waited to poop for almost 5 days. I knew it was going to be epic. We ruined his cute outfit and the whole time Marin was by my side talking about how stinky it was. It was stinky. All the way up his backside stinky. Yuck. 

Geoff will never admit it, but he loves babies. 

He has mostly slept through the night lately. We've had a few earlier wake up times to nurse around 3:30am but then we go back to sleep. Lately, when he waits until 4:30am or 5:00am to wake up, I just get up after I nurse him. That's the time I actually get to sit down in my chair, cup of coffee in hand, and have some time to myself. It's glorious. Half of the time it doesn't work out that way...Sullivan doesn't go back to sleep. Marin wakes up early because she's figured out how to set her little alarm clock for 7am. Most of my time in the morning is spent with two children in very close proximity to me. I read my Bible on my phone most days because I have a cuddly baby in my lap and a toddler close by as well. 

I am officially back at work full time on September 10th. I've been working a lot from home the past few weeks but I'm ready to jump in completely. Sunday mornings will definitely be interesting with two kiddos since I am at work by 6:15am. I let Sullivan hang out with the awesome nursery ladies for a while on Sunday and he was a little stud. Total ladies man. He won't be the tough one. Marin still has a hard time right at first whenever she gets to her class. We are working on that one Sunday at a time. We took a break from church for the first chunk of my maternity leave and now I feel like we are back to day one with her strolling right in to her classroom with no tears in sight. 

Marin starts preschool this week. We have a trial run class on Thursday morning but parents are allowed to be there for that class. I cannot believe the school year is already here. We are in a preschool co-op and we get to find out which committee we are on. It's a lot of work but I think it will be worth it in the long run. 

Week Eight. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Six

I almost missed posting this on a Monday as planned, but we have hit six weeks with this little man. He slept through the night again last night and I always feel like I've hit the sleep lottery. An uninterrupted seven hours of sleep is the best gift anyone can give me at this season of my life. 

On Sunday, we finally made it back to church. Since I work for a church, I've been avoiding it the last few weeks just because I knew that I needed to just spend time with my family and not worry about work. Honestly, I've had a lot of anxiety lately about returning to work. I spent a lot of time stupidly wondering if I would be needed upon my return. Going to church on Sunday was a breath of fresh air and I'm thankful that my anxiety has decreased majorly. As of Sunday, I am back to work part time, mostly from home for a few more weeks. It feels good to work my brain again and not just be a milk factory for a cute little dude. It felt good to have adult conversations and make my little lists. 

I turned in the paperwork for Marin to go preschool this evening. We are barreling towards the beginning of the school year at warp speed. I think it will be very good to have her around more kids twice a week. Our involvement as parents is pretty intense because it's a preschool co-op and I'm trying not to become overwhelmed by that. Lots of committees and teach days but Marin will be with a bunch of her friends and the preschool is practically across the street from us. 

I'm looking forward to fall. Sullivan is seriously such an easy baby so far. He eats well, sleeps decently well.  I've been trying to capture a picture of his cute little smile but have yet to get a good photo. He is growing so much every day. As of today, he is 44 days old. Marin is adapting to life with a sibling. I've been using Clicklist through King Soopers and not having to go into a grocery store with two kids has been wonderful. I'm heading back to work and my favorite season of all will soon be upon us. 

Lots of change around here, but I feel like I'm slowly gaining clarity for the season that is upon us. 

Week Six. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Five

Week Five, here we are. We made it through the first month of a newborn and a toddler. We made it through the first month of nights with lots of wake up calls, feeling like I'm just simply a milk machine, and learning how to live our lives with two children. 

Little Sullivan is growing like a weed. He eats like a champ, usually every 3 hours or so at the moment. Some nights we only wake once, some nights we wake twice. We gave him his second bath and he just chills while in the tub. He naps decently well and I have no idea how I'm going to function in reality once he doesn't just eat and sleep all of the time. 

Marin is still adjusting but loves her little brother. She always asks to hold him and kisses his little fuzzy head when I'm nursing. We've had our share of tantrums lately but overall she is adjusting well to being a big sister. As long as I rope her in to help, we seem to be doing well. As I said in the past few weeks, having family take her for extended periods of time to get her out of the house has been a life saver. She has started mimicking me when I nurse with her bunny Bernie and a little nursing pillow. Our kids are always watching us. It's adorable. 

I go back to work from home, part time next week. This is my last week of total freedom and hardly any responsiblities. Part of me is ready to transition back into something that will get my brain working again but the other part of me doesn't want this season to end. Just being able to hang out with our kiddos all day is pretty dang awesome. I don't think I could ever be fully a stay at home mom, but these last few weeks have been very needed for my sanity and to heal from his birth. 

Week Five. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Two

We have survived the first week of newborn life and today marks week two for little Sullivan. I feel like the fog of newborn-ness is wearing off ever so slowly and I'm slowly starting to feel like a human once more. Ever so slowly. 

My healing process has been so different from my birth with Marin. I am definitely not a huge fan of having a c-section. Turns out, I have a little infection and I have been on antibiotics for the past few days. I'm ready to be able to pick up my toddler and vacuum my house. We are slowly getting there but this has been totally different from last time. 

My quiet mornings look quite different now. 

Baby Sullivan is a little champ and I am so thankful for that given the transition from one to two children. Ryan goes back to work on Thursday and I am pretty much trying to slowly figure out how to do life with two kids in tow. It's a totally different ball game. I have a feeling that I will be lucky to get a shower in and eat meals at normal times. Luckily Marin can go to the bathroom pretty much by herself and is fairly independent. We have had some extra tantrums from her lately though and I know she's adjusting to life now just like the rest of us. I keep having to remind myself of that. We are all in transition. We will all be ok. These days are going to pass by so quickly. 

Checking on baby brother

He is eating well and I am super thankful for the fact that he is a good eater. Breastfeeding with Marin was a pretty big struggle for the first month or so. This feels so different from that. We've even had a few longer stretches of sleep at night, only two so far, but I will take what I can get at this point. Any extra sleep I get helps me to not be such a zombie during the day. 

His skin has been freaking out a bit but I feel like it's finally starting to calm down. He's almost lost his umbilical cord and we will give him his first bath soon. He was circumcised a week ago and that is healing up very well.  

Overall, we are all just learning how to do life together as a family of four. I've had to take it slower than I would normally like. Marin is learning how to be big sister and not be the center of attention at all times. We are once again in the learning phase of parenting. We are trying to keep everything resembling some sort of order but sometimes we just need to embrace the chaos. 

I am trying to relax and soak all of my maternity leave in. So much of me still thinks about work and how things are going there. I just need to chill out and focus on where I am. All of this will pass very quickly and I will soon be back to the chaos of work along with two kids. I just keep telling myself...

The days are long but the years are short. 

Soak it in. 

Baby Sullivan. Week two.

Mom Guilt | What Keeps Me Up At Night

Last week we had a few rougher nights due to sickness in our family. One night in particular, Marin woke up around 1:30am coughing and crying. I went in and gave her some medicine. Luckily, she went straight back to sleep after that instead of trying to fight staying up. I on the other tried to go back to bed but proceeded to toss and turn for hours upon hours. My brain didn't want to slow down, shut off, and just rest. Instead, it mulled a million miles per hour and anxiety began to bend and sway within me. I'm not even totally sure how long I was awake for but it was bad enough that I was considering just getting up and working on stuff, at 3am in the morning. That's when you know it's bad. 

Laying there, I was just so anxious. For so many things. The biggest was regarding my job. I have discovered that I have this fear of going on maternity leave and everything either completely falls apart or they realize that they can do it all without me. This anxiety begins to well up hugely inside of me at 3am in the morning and causes me to be so torn. I want to be able to have our son and focus on him for as many weeks as I can before we have to dive back into reality again. No deadlines, agendas, emails, or projects. Just us. Just family. 

There's this thing in our society that tends to torment me. I think it's completely destructive and detrimental to mothers and fathers everywhere. You have to still do EVERYTHING, as you did before. Don't rest. If you rest, you job and life will move swiftly on without you. You must be at the top of your game at all times. No gaps in your career or resume. You want a career right? Blah, blah, blah. 

These are things that keep me up at night, that and pregnancy insomnia. Mom guilt is a real thing. I want nothing more than to take 6 weeks of our lives to figure out how to be a family of four and bring our new son into the world. This may very well be the last time we ever get this opportunity. I don't want to feel guilty about using my rights and benefits to spend time with our growing family. No more guilt. I know I can prep and plan. I know I can put things in place to help make this transition safe and secure. I know that my job is super awesome, as are our maternity benefits and I need to not worry about these sort of things. 

With my leave with Marin, I took twelve weeks but was still so very consumed by my job. I never fully embraced all of the new experiences of motherhood and those first few weeks are a total blur to me. Those first few weeks were so hard. I can never get them back. I was too worried about calendars, payroll, and getting my job done even though I was supposed to be on leave. 

My plan is take 12 weeks with our son. The first six...I don't even want to think about work. The last six, I'll work part time from home. The transition to having two kids is a big one for me. I am anxious and have no idea how to navigate life. As long as I don't try to everything all of the time, I'm sure we will be fine. 

This is what keeps me up at night.