Baby Sullivan | A Birth Story

My due date with Sullivan was Friday, June 30th. Just like last time with Marin, we blew right past that day and I knew that we would still be waiting for a bit of time before his big arrival. My maternity leave officially started July 1st and I was left to wait and wait and wait. Luckily, I didn't have to wait nearly as long as Marin (you can read her birth story here). With her, we were 10 days overdue and I thought I would be pregnant forever. I was ready for Sullivan's arrival whenever he was ready and willing to enter into this world. I had told Ryan that I thought we would have him Monday. 

And we did. 

Sunday, July 2nd was like most days aside from the fact that this was my first official day off from work. It felt pretty strange to not be getting up at 5am and heading into the walls of church to start the day. I won't walk those halls for a little while and that's still strange to me. It's odd to know that time moves on swiftly without you and you have to be alright with realization. 

Marin and I hung out for the day. Ryan went to work. I remember sitting at the kitchen table with Marin. She was eating her typical dinner that included dinosaur chicken nuggets, of course. She eats VERY SLOWLY most of the time so we were just chilling and talking about Baby Sully. I kept getting this feeling though, this evening it would happen, I would go into labor. My body was telling me to get ready. My mind was going through all of my lists and I couldn't help but wonder if I had packed everything that we would be needing once we got to the hospital. 

At 8:50pm that night my water broke in our kitchen. I had been having a good deal of more intense contractions by that point. Our amazing doula, Tamara, was notified and was sitting at my kitchen table when my water broke. My water breaking was so different than with Marin. It really was like in the movies where you are at the supermarket and the next thing you know you are wondering if you wet yourself as you stand in a puddle. This was only the beginning. 

We labored at home for many hours. I decided to watch the new episodes of the X-files to keep my brain occupied as I recorded contraction times on my phone. We made it four episodes in and then tried to lay down and sleep for a while. The contractions kept waking me up because their intensity was slowly increasing. We decided it was time to head to the hospital. 

We pulled into the hospital at 3am, July 3rd. Checked in, got hooked up to monitor the baby, and continued to labor. 

I soaked in the huge bath tub for a long time, smelling of essential oils, and taking each wave of contractions as they would come. 

Time passed and we found that my contractions were getting slower. They administered Pitocin in an IV to try and jump start the process. I had somehow forgotten the pain from Marin's birth. You go to this place, this deep, guttural place where you have to become a warrior and just face the pain. You must ride the wave of contractions. You must let your body do its thing. I am so incredibly thankful that we had our doula with us again. I truly don't think I would have made it through this point without her. She would help me get through the contractions by pushing on certain pressure points and was a support system that Ryan and I are very thankful for. 

Laboring on the birthing ball. 

I did that for what seemed like an eternity. Then is was time to push. I pushed for quite a while. A contraction would hit and then everyone would yell, "PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!!!!!" I did. I gave it everything I had within me. 

By this point we were about 13 to 14 hours in. The pushing just wasn't working. 

This is very similar to what we went through with Marin but this birth story ends a bit differently than hers. 

At first it was hard for me to accept this because I like to be the strong woman, hear me roar. I birth babies with no meds! But, we decided the best route for Sully was a C-Section. This was not in my birth plan. I didn't want to have one going in to the birth but if it meant that I would be holding my baby boy in my arms and that he was healthy, I was fine with it. 

Laboring with Tamara by our side. 

While I was still in a wave of contractions, they rushed me to OR to administer a spinal. I have never experienced anything like that before. It's the strangest sensation to realize that you cannot feel half of your body, at least completely. My entire upper half was trembling the entire time, my teeth were chattering and I couldn't seem to calm down. Everyone there was so amazing and helpful though. Even though we were in a situation we didn't really want, I knew we would be fine.

They said that the cord had been wrapped around his neck and that I have an anterior lip that was keeping him from coming through the birth canal fully. This is similar to what we faced with Marin but Sully was such a big baby, a c-section was the route to take. 

My hubby would make a good looking doctor. 

I heard his cries for the first time and knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He was here. 

Sullivan James Hollen. Born at 12:30pm on July 3rd. 9 lbs, 8 oz. 21 inches. 

He was a lot bigger than we were fully expecting. He didn't fit newborn diapers from the get go and was in size 1 the day he was born. I had one outfit in the hospital for him that I packed that luckily fit him. He's a tank and I love him. 

Slowly getting more confident. 

Marin is thrilled, excited, and a little sheepish around her little brother but is going to be a great big helper. 

Sully brought Marin a new movie as a Welcome to the World present. 

Our lives will never be the same. 

My heart is full. 

(All Photos By Ryan Hollen) 

Baby Marin's Birth Story

3 weeks and a few days ago, our lives were forever changed. We waited ever so patiently for our little girl to make her way into this world. I was ten days past my due date. People were consistently asking me whether or not I had a baby yet. I started to not answer the text messages and phone calls because it felt like she was just going to stay in there forever. (Sorry if I ignored any of you.) I spent many times wondering if this was it. We even had two false starts that ended up at the hospital only to be sent home after blood was drawn, baby was monitored, and ultrasounds were completed. 

I knew she would come when she was ready, but I was impatient. But, at the same time, I didn't want to try any of the old wives tales to try and get her out quicker. I wanted her to come in due time.

And she did. I won't ever be the same.

Our birth plan going into all of this was to labor without medication or an epidural. I wanted to see what my body could handle, to discover a strength I didn't know I had.

Monday night (February 17th), I began to start tracking my contractions with more consistency. What I didn't realize at the time was that these were still pretty wimpy,  Braxton Hicks-like contractions. We went to bed far too late that night because I didn't want to fall asleep but knew I should. I watched too many episodes of the Gilmore Girls before finally drifting off.

Around 3:30am, I got up to go the bathroom only to realize that my water broke. I knew it was game time and went and woke up Ryan.

Our doula, Tamara, came to our house at around 4:15 that morning. I started to experience true contractions. Gut-wreching and painful. They were nothing like the contractions I had been experiencing in the weeks prior. With each new wave, I knew that it would be a long day. I just kept telling myself that this was it. She would be here at some point either today or the next. The process had begun and I just needed to buckle down and face it. These were the hours that would be life changing.

One of the things I will forever remember while laboring at home was the fact that Ryan, Tamara, and I just sat in our living room and watched episode after episode of the show Dirty Jobs. That show will now forever remind me of that day. Tamara made us some eggs early that morning and I promptly managed to throw them all up. That happened a few times.

A bath and shower later, I managed to get some pjs back on and we knew we were headed for the hospital. I never realized how bumpy Mulberry Street is on the way to the hospital. Every. Little. Bump. Prospect has road construction so we knew to avoid it. We arrived at the hospital around 11 am, got into our birthing room, and was promptly hooked up to the monitors to see how baby was doing.

At this point I was 8 cm.

I sat in the bath for a while after we arrived and just kind of took the waves of contractions again and again. The pain was pretty unreal, but I knew it would all be worth it. I sat on a birthing ball for a while after that.

I started pushing around 1pm. I'm not really sure of the time stamp by now. I pushed for 3 hours which was an experience like no other. We tried different positions and tactics. There were so many times where I wanted to give up, the pain was overwhelming. I didn't think I could possibly push anymore. I almost felt like I was experiencing all of this outside of myself.

During one of my checks, the doctor and nurses discovered that Marin was facing "sunny side up." This would explain why she was taking so long to make it through the birth canal. There was discussion of an epidural and even a C-Section. I knew I didn't want that. I hadn't worked this long and hard just to go in that direction. Since I had been pushing for what seemed like forever, we decided to have some pain meds pumped through my IV. I was exhausted. I didn't think I could push any more. I knew I needed to get her out into this world.

So, I had some meds. At first this bugged me, but within about ten minutes after it was administered, Marin made her entrance into this world. It was the final push (pun intended) that I needed to get her out.

She arrived at 4:28 pm on February 18th. 8 pounds 4 ounces, 21 inches long. I heard her cries for the first time. She was rushed off to the side because of her traumatic entrance. Her head was shaped like a cone when she arrived. They had to place her on oxygen. I was only able to see her for a split second, tears forming in my eyes, and then she was taken to NICU due to a running a temperature.

This is the part that I didn't like. I wasn't able to breastfeed my baby right away. Skin to skin. She was away from me for a good 3 hours. I believe that this is part of the reason why we had so much difficulty breastfeeding in the beginning. I didn't get that time.

But, overall, after 14 hours of pain like I had never experienced before, our little girl was here. That was all that mattered.

It was all totally worth it. I will never forget this day. It changed me in so many ways.

Baby Marin: Week One

I'm tired. I'm a tired that I didn't know was even possible. I'm so tired that I'm not tired and I'm sitting here writing these words to you. I will be shocked if all of my sentences come out as they should, but here goes nothing. 

It has been officially one week and two days since Marin Ryan Hollen came in to this world. I plan on writing out our birth story at some point, but that isn't what this post is for today. Each week I want to try and capture a photo of her. Her element. Her smile. Her grimace. Those sleepless nights where my husband and I find ourselves just staring at each other and then back to the crying little girl in my arms and wondering if we will ever see the other side of that feeding or if maybe we will end up with an only child. 

Parenting is tough. Breastfeeding is tougher than I could have ever have imagined. But, looking back from this time last week, we have completely hit a new stride, even if we are still very far from being where one would hope. 

I know I will look back upon these first few weeks of motherhood and laugh someday. I usually am not showered, walking around with a babe in tow, my hair sticking up in a million places and smelling like last nights dinner. I am more exhausted than I thought possible. I have to remind myself to eat and usually consume lunch around 3pm most days. I am constantly in awe of my husband and his character. His help through the breastfeeding has been so needed. I don't think I could do these first few weeks without him by my side. Our zombie like states have caused us to laugh until we've cried and fall more in love with our little girl every minute. 

I know this time will pass far too quickly. I can't believe we are already a week in. I am anxious to know her little personality and really come into our own in regards to breastfeeding. 

One day at day. One feeding at a time. One minute at a time. 

Week One. 

Happy Birthday, Little One

At this time last year, we were all hunkered down in our living room. I was trying to keep down scrambled eggs and we watched episode after episode of Dirty Jobs. My water had broken, conveniently when I went to the bathroom and not in our bedsheets around three in the morning. We had anticipated this day for nearly 10 months. I was overdue by 10 days. I knew that if I didn't go into labor today, then the doctors would intervene, against our wishes. I knew that our baby would come into this world in due time but it was almost as if she camping out until the very last second, just a little longer, just one more day. I probably gained another ten pounds just in the ten days we waited past our due date for her to arrive.

I knew going into labor that we wanted to take the natural approach if at all possible. We had an amazing doula by our side. You can read more about our birth story HERE. For as long as I shall live I will never forget the pain and exertion it took to bring Marin into this world. It was so real, so intense, yet almost an out of body experience. I will never forget the waves of contractions and pushing for what felt like an eternity. I will never forget hearing that Marin was turned differently than they had hoped and that was why I had been pushing for so long without really getting anywhere. There was talk of a C-Section.  Luckily, the support I had around me didn't let us get to that point and we were able to deliver Marin into this world still as naturally as possible.

She arrived into this world in a flash of pain and was rushed away from me. I remember hearing her cry. I remember thinking that it wasn't all real, that we were still laboring and in the process. They brought her next to my chest for only a brief second and then she was rushed away to NICU. Our little baby girl. The day our lives changed completely. The day everything was turned completely upside down and sideways. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today Marin turns one. I can hardly believe that I am writing those words. I feel like I blinked and here we are. It's as if all of those sleepless nights and early mornings are so far away now. She now sleeps through the night. She now eats solid food, all the while throwing at least half of the contents from her plate onto to the floor around her. She is close to walking but seems to want to hold onto crawling just a little bit longer.

OUR LITTLE GIRL IS ONE TODAY. 

I am very far from the person I was one year ago. I have battle scars upon my body from the months of her stretching and growing. The weight is still coming off ever so slowly and I have to fight for that so much harder than before. Sleep is a luxury that I don't really miss that much. Nap times are when I am most productive and conquer the world. I have learned how to fearlessly and utterly be attached to another human that isn't my husband. I look into the mirror and the person staring back at me is no longer just a musician or an artist. I am a mother.

I AM A MOTHER.

In all of my years, I never thought that realization would be solidified within me. Now I don't desire to know a life without that piece of me. I am more complete now than I have ever been.

Happy Birthday, Little One. I am forever thankful that you turned out lives upside down.

Baby Sullivan | Week Fifty Two, 1 year old!!!

Folks, we have made it. Sullivan James Hollen is officially one year old. Technically he's now 369 days old but we aren't focusing on technicalities. I was hoping to ring in this one year post with pictures from his birthday bash but unfortunately that won't be happening quite yet....

Marin picked out these birthday toys for Sullivan. 

Most of last week over his birthday the kiddos and myself were are very much under the weather. The sickness presented itself last friday and has stuck around in one form or another until today. We are still coughing a bit and our noses are still red and running. Being sick over your birthday pretty much is the worst. Being sick and having to take care of two sick kids is also pretty much the worst. But, we are slowly on the mend and have rescheduled his big birthday bash to next week. I know he probably won't remember the fact that we celebrated his big day ten days after the fact. Oh well...

He is one. He is one! Our little man, our last baby, our wonderful son is one years old now and every time I look at him lately he seems to be turning into a little boy right before my eyes. Everyday he gets longer and his pants get a little more snug. Everyday he starts babbling different sounds and little almost words. Everyday he gets a little bit more excited about food and shakes his little fists in the air in pure excitement because just loves to eat that much. Everyday he inches closer and closer to getting mobile and I'm just praying that it's sooner rather than later. He is stronger everyday. 

It's hard to believe that a year ago today we were just bringing him home from the hospital. The new baby smell and sleepless nights have slowly worn away and now I welcome any little cuddles that I may get from him because he wants to be doing something at all times and is fascinated so much by the world around him. 

Sullivan made me a boy mom and I'm sure we have many years ahead of us of peeing all over the toilet and around it, fart noises, and rough housing. Maybe he will want to play sports and pick up the guitar. Maybe he will love to read or just prefer to be outside in the mud. Maybe he will love music as much as we do, maybe not. Whatever he goes after in this life there's one thing I know for sure, I will forever be his mama and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

He's growing up so quickly and that does make me sad but at the same time I am loving seeing him grow up into the little boy that he will be. I'm thankful that we are getting past the little baby stage and into the little boy stage. This is when it starts getting really fun. We are finding our groove as a family and it's only going to get better. 

Happy Birthday, a few days late, Sullivan James Hollen. You were made to be a part of our little family and we cannot imagine living life without you! 

Here's Marin at Fifty Two Weeks! 

And for good measure...he's Sully's birth story.