Marin Turns Four!

Top photo: Marin at 3 years old. Bottom: Marin at 4 years old. 

On Sunday, February 18th, our baby girl turned four years old. It still seems like just yesterday we were anxiously awaiting her arrival and she decided to take her precious time....arriving 10 days after my due date. Marin is spunky, incredibly smart, and I am so blessed to be her mother. I look at her and cannot quite believe that she is ours and that we get to journey through life together, through every triumph and toddler tantrum. We get to be there with her along the way as she learns new things, soaking them all in like a little sponge. We get to be there along the way as she goes to school, makes friends, faces growing pains. 

She surprises me every single day with her extensive vocabulary and how she soaks in everything around her constantly. She takes it all in and doesn't let go. Sometimes, I think she gets frustrated because the rest of her world doesn't want to move through life at the same learning pace that she does. She loves Jesus and going to church. She loves preschool and I have watched her grow leaps and bounds through the classroom. 

Birthday Party Spread 

She currently is obsessed with all things involving space and can name all of the planets. She likes to talk about galaxies and moons.  She is in love with dinosaurs and My Little Pony. She loves to "read" books and dance around the living room. Bath time is one of her favorite times and she would stay in there all day, turning into a little raisin, if we let her. 

She is the most amazing big sister to Sullivan. She is always looking for an opportunity to help me by grabbing a diaper, comforting him when he's fussy, and picking up all of the toys that he constantly throws on the floor. Their relationship is a great one and I love seeing it grow.

She is the picky eater in our family and would survive on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chicken nuggets, cheese burgers, and yogurt if I let her. I've been trying to get her to eat different things, especially now that Sullivan is exploring the world of solid food. We are very far from having a grand and expanded palette but hopefully someday, her relationship with food will be a good one. 

Miss Marin, we love you and can't believe we get to be your parents. Thank you for making our lives a glorious adventure, one day at a time. I cannot imagine life without you and I'm blessed to be your mother. You have stretched me in ways I didn't think were possible and can't believe you are mine. 

Happy Birthday, Marin Ryan Hollen! 

Baby Sullivan | Week Twenty Seven & Twenty Eight

I am playing catch up.....I have fallen behind. So, we are going to do two weeks in one post. This will cover last week and this week. Week twenty-seven and twenty-eight of Mr. Sullivan James Hollen. I've been down for the count yesterday and today with a stomach flu and am just now starting to feel like a human once more. I think my body was trying to tell me to slow down a bit because I've been running at warp speed for what feels like weeks. Sometimes I need to be knocked down by a being sick to slow myself down a bit. That's probably not the best way to find some rest but here we are. 

Sully had his 6 month well check appointment last Monday. As predicted, he's growing a lot and is the 90th percentiles for just about everything. He currently clocks in at 20lbs, 10.9oz. He is 2'3" tall and his head circumference is in the 95th percentile for his age. He has a big head. He's growing like crazy. He checked out as a healthy, growing boy. He got a few shots, which is never fun. They definitely effected his mood and sleep for a few days and I always hate going through that with our babies. He's finally back to his normal, cheerful self. 

We have also been having solids at most meals in the day. He is such a champ. He's pretty obsessed with his spoon. We have been mostly feeding him purees with some solids that he can gnaw on like bananas and avocados. He also really likes Baby Mum Mum's which are a rice teething snack. So far we have tried carrots, sweet potatoes, banana, and apple purees. I don't think we will have any issues with him being a good eater. His appetite is growing as quickly as he is. 

One other milestone that we hit this week was sitting up well on his own. He has the nursing pillow behind him just in case, but he sits upright and plays to his heart's content. Now if we could just get him to roll over consistently. That's the one thing that he hasn't done a ton of yet. The pediatrician said since he's so big it might be tough for him to get the hang of it. I've been trying to do a lot of floor time still to urge him into rolling over. 

He's been waking up a lot lately throughout the night, at least once, if not twice. Mama is getting pretty tired....I'm wondering if he's eating enough before bed. He keeps wanting to wake up for a little snack. He also soaks his diapers and I think that is waking him up too. I'm just taking each night as it comes and trying to solidify a good bedtime routine. I also know that many babies go through a sleep regression at 6 months and that's very well what we may be living in at the moment. One night at a time. 

Phew. All caught up now. I'll try to not get so behind again! 

Here's Marin at Twenty Seven & Twenty Eight Weeks. 

Baby Sullivan | Week Eight

In a few days, we will have ourselves an adorable, chunky, pretty darn awesome two month old. The days pass by so quickly every single week. This week, I finally managed to capture a smile in a photograph! (Thanks Grammy!) 

We also had our first epic diaper blowout. He waited to poop for almost 5 days. I knew it was going to be epic. We ruined his cute outfit and the whole time Marin was by my side talking about how stinky it was. It was stinky. All the way up his backside stinky. Yuck. 

Geoff will never admit it, but he loves babies. 

He has mostly slept through the night lately. We've had a few earlier wake up times to nurse around 3:30am but then we go back to sleep. Lately, when he waits until 4:30am or 5:00am to wake up, I just get up after I nurse him. That's the time I actually get to sit down in my chair, cup of coffee in hand, and have some time to myself. It's glorious. Half of the time it doesn't work out that way...Sullivan doesn't go back to sleep. Marin wakes up early because she's figured out how to set her little alarm clock for 7am. Most of my time in the morning is spent with two children in very close proximity to me. I read my Bible on my phone most days because I have a cuddly baby in my lap and a toddler close by as well. 

I am officially back at work full time on September 10th. I've been working a lot from home the past few weeks but I'm ready to jump in completely. Sunday mornings will definitely be interesting with two kiddos since I am at work by 6:15am. I let Sullivan hang out with the awesome nursery ladies for a while on Sunday and he was a little stud. Total ladies man. He won't be the tough one. Marin still has a hard time right at first whenever she gets to her class. We are working on that one Sunday at a time. We took a break from church for the first chunk of my maternity leave and now I feel like we are back to day one with her strolling right in to her classroom with no tears in sight. 

Marin starts preschool this week. We have a trial run class on Thursday morning but parents are allowed to be there for that class. I cannot believe the school year is already here. We are in a preschool co-op and we get to find out which committee we are on. It's a lot of work but I think it will be worth it in the long run. 

Week Eight. 

Baby Marin | Week Thirty Six

Look at our child's face. Just look at it. This is the face of...OMG, Mom, you almost forgot to post my weekly picture. 

You're right, kid. You are right. It is Saturday evening and here I am writing away. 

We will keep this short and sweet because that's kind of how life is rolling these days. I've recently changed jobs, more on that later. I am surrounded by baby toys and a fussy baby that is probably not going to take this time change very well. She will surely be a little confused tomorrow morning when she tries to wake up at 4am. Still no teeth in her adorable little mouth and I am certain I will be shocked when we finally have a tooth. 

Good things are happening, many good things. 

Baby Marin. Week Thirty Six. 

Enough is Enough

I feel the need today to start with a clean slate. It seems I have found myself in a bit of a funk and I don’t know how long I can handle living through it. Some things must change. They have to. I don’t really have a choice or I guess I shouldn’t really have a choice. Change is good. Change is needed and I’m finding myself feeling stale. Lost. Stuck. 

Since I became a mom, I feel like I don’t fully know who I am anymore. That rests upon the prerequisite though that I once did, I guess? I feel like my identity has been tossed up in the air and I am just now trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together again into some form of myself that makes sense. My former self is no more. My present self has no idea what is going on other than the fact that I am Marin’s mother and that needs to be enough. My future self is ignoring everything because of feeling so lost. 

I am the type of person that is constantly going, going, going. Doing, doing, doing. If my plate isn’t full, at times, I feel as if my worth isn’t enough. I know this is a total lie. I know that none of that is really true, but still, it gets the best of me and I sometimes have a hard time admitting that. I’m admitting that now. I’m not doing very well with handling all of this stuff. 

My house seems to get messier by the day. That closet really needs to be cleaned out before our garage sale next week. I can only hold so many essential oil classes every month and I struggle with whether or not that is enough. The bills need to be paid. I need to work. My camera collects dust far too often and that photography class still isn’t finished. I’m not posting enough blogs; too many of them are too personal. I need to lose more of the baby weight so I can feel like a real human again. I tend to eat crappier when I am overwhelmed, which doesn’t help anything. I don’t know what my hair is doing. I need to get up and do something athletic. I haven’t played a show with my band since August. I wonder if I even remember half of my songs. Marin needs my full attention, diapers need to be changed, feedings need to occur. 

My list could go on and on and on and on......But......

I am enough. 

(source)

Say it again. 

I am enough. 

I have to remember that it isn’t about what I do or what I create. It makes me go back to this quote....

There’s a lot on my mind today. I feel the need to really read this book. I want to go for a walk with my kid, to get out of the house and move my tired, lost muscles. I want to pick up my camera. I want to listen to music that moves me. I will still do a load of laundry today, but I won’t clean ALL of the house, maybe just a room or two. That is enough. That is enough for now. I will leave you with one last quote, from the book linked above.

“THERE WILL COME A DAY . . . There will come a day when she no longer wants to hold my hand. So I will hold it while I still can. There will come a day when she no longer tells me what’s on her mind. So I will listen while she still wants to talk to me. There will come a day when she no longer says, “Watch me, Mama!” So I will observe and encourage while I still can. There will come a day when she no longer invites me to eat school lunch with her. So I will join her while I still can. There will come a day when she no longer needs my help to bake cookies or hit the tennis ball in the sweet spot. So I will stand beside her gently guiding and instructing while I still can. There will come a day when she no longer wants my opinion about clothes, friendship, death, and heaven. So I will share my views while she still wants to hear them. There will come a day when she no longer allows me to hear her prayers and her dreams. So I will fold my hands and absorb every word while I still can. There will come a day when she no longer sleeps with her beloved stuffed animal. And that day may come sooner than I think. Because sometimes unexpected events happen, causing the days to rush by, the years to tumble ahead. Sometimes what I thought I would have time to do, like listen to her laugh, wipe her tears, breathe her scent, and hold her close, will no longer be available to me. What I thought I had all the time in the world to do, may no longer be an option. The little pink dog that my child must now learn to sleep without after eight precious years reminds me that tomorrow may not allow for all the things I planned to do. So instead of being too busy, too tired, or too distracted when she seeks my love and attention, I will be ready and waiting to make her a well-loved child while I still can.” 
― Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters!