Baby Sullivan | Week Thirty Three

I've been trying to get this posted all week but this week has been a doozy and now it's already Saturday. These photos have been siting in this post ready to go for days...Oh well. It's not Sunday yet. I'm still within the week. 

Sullivan is growing up so quickly. This time next week, he will be 8 months old! Eight months. I can hardly wrap my mind around it. I was just pregnant, right?!? Time is flying. He's going to be celebrating his first birthday before we know it. 

Sully has been a little fussy this week and I think teeth are still to blame. Most days, he goes through life with red, little cheeks and some drool. I can see the top two teeth just hanging out under his gums, so it's only a matter of time before those pop through. Hopefully, he doesn't resort to biting while nursing again. We faced that when his bottom two teeth came in and that was painful. I know he doesn't realize he's causing me pain and gnawing on something eases his mouth pain but biting while breastfeeding is one of my least favorite things in the world, especially at 5am in the morning when I'm not quite awake yet and ready to take on the day. 

He's been eating solid food for a few weeks now and will not longer touch the jarred food. My mom was watching the kiddos on Thursday and she had quite a scare with Sullivan so we are making some baby led weaning changes. There's so many options and opinions out there about how to approach baby lead weaning. Some people cut food up in tiny pieces, some in strips, some in little circular shapes. We were doing the circular shape with some roasted sweet potatoes and Sully choked on one at dinner. My mom had to do the Heimlich  Maneuver on Sully. I know that gagging is part of the BLW weaning process, but choking, not so much. I'm very thankful my mom was there and was able to act fast. I know it shook her up pretty badly, but Grammy was there to save the day. That being said....we are cutting stuff up pretty tiny now these days while he still learns how to feed himself. It's such a process and certain parts of it really freak me out! 

I am trying to do a lot more floor time with Sully in hopes that he will get to the point of crawling at some point. Right now, he is so content just sitting up like a big dude, playing with his toys. I'm not totally prepared for him to be mobile yet and need to dig out the baby gates. He just grows up so much every single day. 

Some changes are coming in our lives, regarding my job and how it looks on any given week. At first, I was super discouraged by it but I'm slowly coming to terms with it. Depending on how it all falls into place, I might be able to leave work at work. The past few years of my life have been spent juggling working from home and the office, always being on and connected to my phone. I would like to be able to just be with my family when I am home with my family. Plain and simple. We might be looking for some childcare options one day a week though and I am not a fan of that. But, we have been super lucky and blessed so far with not having to pay for childcare. It is so, so, so, so expensive...like the equivalent of paying a second mortgage expensive. But, we are talking through these changes and I'm hoping to get some more clarity on it soon. If you know me well, you know that not having all of the answers about how all of this is supposed to look is slowly driving me crazy. 

Here's Marin at Week Thirty Three. 

Portrait Four

As part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month. This one is for the month of November. Yet again, we are well into the next month and I am just now getting this posted, but here we are.

Someday I won't question whether or not this is it and if it's enough. Looking back, I will realize it was always more than enough and long for the things I missed or overlooked because I was too busy trying to be super mom and super human, all while having a clean, well kept house with fantastic vacuum lines in the carpet and the absence of sticky messes on the floor. 

Someday I know I will miss having these hangry humans intensely dependent upon me with their unwavering devotion and need for a parent, for a life giver, for a nurturer. Our home will one day be too quiet and I will long for the dishwasher that needs to be emptied and the little clothes that need be folded and put away in tiny drawers. I will miss the bath time at night where the kids plead to stay in for far too long and their fingers turn to little raisins. I will miss reading the same book over and over again at bedtime, a book that Marin can recite by memory alone, with the same rise and fall of our adult voices reflected in hers, just as we aim to bring each character from the page to life.  

In this season of life, I am woman finding her way once more, finding more solid footing. I am a wife, a mom, an employee. I am someone that at times tries to hold on to her past in fear of losing the creative aspects of my existence. I am someone that is working really hard to be present in the moment and not veer too far off course. I am trying really hard to find a life that is more than enough. 

Someday, dinner time will look different and I won't stand over a pot of boiling mac n' cheese, stirring it so it doesn't boil over. This is all for the picky preschooler that literally would eat the same thing every single night. I will miss making the chicken nuggets or coaxing her to eat just one more bite of vegetables all the while she absolutely refuses to eat carrots. 

All of this is it and it is more than enough. 

Portrait Four. 

It's The Weekend | Number One

It's no secret that I love to make lists of any kind and then check off the items on each list. Sometimes, I compile lists of things I've seen and read. Sometimes, I create lists of things I would love to do in the future or things I can do now to make our present even more awesome. 

Here are a few of those things for your weekend....

Let 2017 Be The Year Of Working & Resting Hard

Date Night & Cold Showers | 20 Habits That Change Lives

28 Books to Read in 2017 

Can we just live in a bus? 

Speaking of books...this is next on my list. And this. And this. 

The morning routines of other people fascinate me so much. 

A good reminder and a warm pasta salad. 


Have a great Saturday! 

Our Well Is Full | Our Roots Are Deep

We dedicated Marin last night, surrounded by many people, family and friends. The evening began with chili and soup, the breaking of bread and cornbread muffins, wine and beer. The sound of little children and adults filled the home and the chaos seemed fitting. We talked about what Marin's name means, "Little Queen of the Sea." Words were spoken over her life of "strength" and "authority." We ate good food, drank good wine, and managed to have Marin asleep in bed only a hour and half later than usual. 

Sometimes it hits me that our little baby will be an adult someday with her own hopes and dreams. She will fall in love. She may get her heartbroken once or twice. She will figure out her path one trial and triumph at a time. I already see so much of myself in her, which is thrilling and terrifying all at the same time. The words spoken over her last night are very similar to the ones that have been spoken over me, time and time again. As long as she grows up knowing and loving Jesus and the church, her strength and spunk will be directed in the right places. 

I made some poor decisions in my college days and I know many people tend to rebel at some point in their life. I just want to protect and guide her forever but also allow her to make her own decisions and learn through the seasons of life. I guess that's what parenting is supposed to look like in some ways, right?

It's so weird to think of her out in the world. Driving a car, heading off to college, dating boys, and working at a job. It seems so far off but I know it's really not. By that point, I will be around 46 years old. That's a strange thing to think about. What will be we be doing with our lives? Where will we be living? How many kids will we have? What dreams will have died and which will have survived all of those years of living? 

Such a strange thing to wrap my mind around. You only get just one life. It seems so small and fast in the grand scheme of things. The insatiable need to make it worthwhile and full of life is needed. I want to live a full, full life. I don't want to look back and see that I worked too much, lived too little, and didn't help my kids discover who they are and what they are meant for. 

Even as I journey through this year of "LESS," I still want to make sure that my well is full and my roots are deep. I only get to live this year once. I better make it worthwhile. I don't want to miss a single thing. 

The Everyday: Week Three

The past few weeks we have been all over the place. I blink and the weekend is upon us most days. There have been many hours spent at the office, on site photographing a property, editing photos until I feel like my eyeballs are going to give up, and soaking in new baby time with Gunnar and hanging out with our ever-growing, awesome kid. Life is good. Things are happening, good things that I can't wait to talk about in blog land. It's all happening.

Editing until I can't edit anymore. 

Essentials. 

Sir Geoffrey. 

I see a lot of early mornings these days.

Taking time away in Estes. 

Breathe. 

Super greasy hair. Don't care!

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." Anne of Green Gables. 

Add caption

Little Gunnar Nolan

New, awesome beginnings. So proud of this mama. 

Live Simply. Keep Moving.

Pardon the goosebumps. My house is cold today...

I feel under the weather today. My nasal cavity seems to have been inhabited with way too much snot and feels like it’s being hit with a train every hour or so. 

We actually turned our heater on last night and that causes me to look forward to cooler weather. I am not one for hot weather. I sunburn within the first few minutes out in the open without sunscreen. I want to be able to wear jeans, boots, and scarves all year long. I used to pretty much do that in the northwest, give or take a few hot days. It was perfect. 

I want to not be sitting at this computer all day. Yet at the same time I do because I enjoy stuff like this. But, part of me wants to shut off my phone and every other technological thing in our home for a day or two per week. Could I even do that? 

I know I should go downstairs and workout because there is a sleeping baby next to me and that doesn’t always happen this way. My muscles feel tired. My body feels overwhelmed. Once I workout, I never regret it, but the process of actually doing so lately has become a bit of a battle. I want it to just be something that I do, without having to loathe it. I want to eat whole, life-giving foods instead of reaching for the box of crackers and a diet coke. I want what I put into my body to mean something. 

I desire to live with so much less than we do. I think that’s why people living in the Tiny Home Movement are so appealing to me. Do I think that is realistic for us? Not really, but I wish it was. But, we really do have too much stuff and I feel suffocated by it at times. I really don’t need new clothes. I have boxes of them under our bed that don’t fit at the moment but definitely could if I just worked harder at it. We have closets full of stuff that I haven’t touched in two years. We have more than enough. 

The irony of all of my ramblings today is that I have a phrase tattooed on my body that hits home and acts as a reminder to all of these things rumbling around inside of my soul. 

Live Simply. Keep Moving. 

Plain and simple. 

I am at the point in life where I need to move towards these goals: 

1. Eat whole foods. 
2. Move everyday. Whether it’s a workout video, free weights, or a walk with Marin. 
3. Step away from the computer, iPad, and Netflix more often than not. 
4. Get rid of stuff. Learn to live with less.
5. Create a natural beauty routine and stick to it. 
6. Fall back in love with our little home. 

Friday's ramblings....

The Everyday: Week Two

Our lives were filled with the welcoming of new life this week. We consumed cupcakes with mustaches on them. 

I was awake far too early, way too many times this week. Coffee is my companion. 

I've never felt the need to work on "Plan B" so much in my entire life. How's that for vague? 

(Stewie. Soon to be a big brother.) 

(Don't mess with my kid. She's tough) 

(Celebrating new life. A baby shower for my sister.) 

(Slowly but surely, I am working through this.) 

(Sometimes you just have to have toast with almond butter and apricot jam.) 

(Early Morning Fuel) 

The Everyday

I want to make a point to capture moments throughout our week, however mundane or extraordinary. This also forces me to take my camera with me more often instead of using my iPhone to take pictures all of the time. These are little moments. I want to remember each and every one for what they are and what we felt during that small sliver of time. Time is fleeting. 

(Sweet potato tots can cure all things.) 

(A new experience. Solid-ish foods.) 

(The sun on my face, the grass underneath my feet.) 

(How I've been beginning every morning.)

(unclear vision) 

(A promise and declaration. No turning back now.) 

(Early morning storms.) 

An Update: No Spend July

This lovely little exercise of not spending any money, aside from necessities, has been eye opening for me. Probably the thing that has surprised me the most in all of this process is that I feel like we are poorer than ever. No money. Our bank account is constantly making me nervous and I am always waiting for payday.

How did that happen? I mean, what the heck? I haven't spent any money!

Granted, I haven't spent any money on credit cards either this month. That is where the real, true, heartbreaking realization lives: we tend to use our credit cards too often, too much, and for stuff we don't really need. Don't get me wrong, we manage our finances decently well. I was brought up that way. We even have paid off a TON of stuff this year which is super nice. We pay our bills on time. We pay more than the minimum amount due.

But, life happens. Amazon happens, which I know is not a legitimate excuse at all. I know. I know. I know!

In the past few months we have also added on some other expenses even though we have paid off some others. For example, I am going to be paying the hospital for the birth of my child for a while. It would have been nice to not be making the amount of money that we do and qualify for some aid in that area. That is a rant for a whole other day. I do believe the middle class though gets the short end of that stick. It's super unfair. We work hard, pay our bills, and want to have a family. Simple as that. End rant. For now.

We also have had someone come and clean our home and mow our lawn in the last two months or so. It was kind of an experiment for both of us because having a baby changes every single thing and since we both work and I have a billion side businesses going on, it was hard to keep up with stuff. I like cleaning my house. I still think I do it better than the people we have come clean. But, on a weekend, the last thing I am able to do with a crying baby in tow is scrub the crap out of the grout in my bathroom. It's a constant struggle. I don't know why I am trying to justify this but I feel like I need to. I am thinking of going to a once a month cleaning instead of bi-weekly and mowing will cease once we hit the fall. I am constantly hit by the fact that I want to spend time with my kid and not be remembered as the mom with the clean kitchen and the neglected child. No way.

I've managed to not go to Starbucks since June 10th. I am usually a regular at a few coffee houses and the baristas are all probably wondering if I'm dead or moved. The only few times I've had coffee is for work meetings and I don't have to pay for it. I don't think I've ever looked so forward to work meetings in my life. An iced caramel macchiato helps any crappy day get at least a little better. We had quite a few crappy work days lately too. I'll take what I can get.

 

I have received things from Amazon but they were diapers, wipes, diaper pail bags, and some keurig cups. We have those shipped to us monthly and I see those as necessities.

This has been a good experiment and I only have 6 more days to go. I need to get my eyebrows waxed. I would love a pedicure. I need a hair cut. Maybe I don't need any of these things, but I sure do want them. They help me feel human again.

I feel the need to still overhaul our budget and really hunker down for the next few months. I also feel the need to go through everything we own and just get rid of half of it. Too much stuff.

6 more days.

Glorified Busyness: Who Are We Trying to Impress Again?

In this very moment, I feel the need to run away from everything or at least take a little break. From motherhood. From a job that is stressing me out so much lately and I feel so much change on the horizon. From the fussy child next to me that is probably teething and might be having a worse go at today than myself. From the bills that need to be paid for the stuff that we don’t really need. From the lack of time. From the lack of freedom. From the lack of passion and creativity. 

Let go my soul, and trust in Him. 

The waves and wind still know His name. 

That is the song currently playing in our little home office. Marin is looking at me as if to say, “Is everything alright, Mom? I’m growing today.” 

It is well. 

With my soul. 

Talk about a gut punch to the heart. A check. A balance. 

Jesus Calling stated this a few days ago: 

Come away with Me for awhile. The world, with its nonstop demands, can be put on hold. Most people put Me on hold, rationalizing that someday they will find time to focus on Me. But the longer they push Me into the background of their lives, the harder it is for them to find Me.  

You live among people who glorify busyness; they have made time a tyrant that controls their lives. Even those who know Me as Savior tend to march to the tempo of the world. They have bought into the illusion that more is always better; more meetings, more programs, more activity. 

I have called you to follow Me on a solitary path, making time alone with Me your highest priority and deepest Joy. It is a pathway largely unappreciated and often despised. However, you have chosen the better thing, which will never be taken away from you. Moreover, as you walk close to Me, I can bless others through you. 

I live my life in my mind between a couple rules of thought, between a couple of ways that I feel my days should be lived out. The whys, hows, whats, and whens are usually around, just hanging out and wondering when I will give them the time of day. We are busy. Our lifestyles are busy. Add a baby into the mix and I can’t wait to finally put my head on my pillow at night, only to be woken up too early the next morning. Change this diaper, nurse the baby, fold the laundry, work on the work project, try and not eat the rest of the donuts in the pretty pink box on the counter, write this blog, make this blog look better, try and sit down to actually play an instrument and finish a song, try and better the world through essential oils, debate if I should be a seller or just use them for my family, realize that I need to share them, work on another side business, edit photos, shoot a wedding...and....and....and...and. That run on sentence only reveals to me the chaos that is our life.

I tend to glorify busyness. It has been a part of my DNA for so long but I want to call it out now. To be done with it. I always have my hands in a million things and I tell myself that it is within the chaos that I thrive. I think I’ve been telling myself that lie for a really long time. Over the last few days I have felt the insatiable need to simplify our lives, to some how go through every room in this house and get rid of all of the stuff that is in the way. I want to simplify our schedule. I constantly feel the need to be knee deep in many business ventures because we need the extra income. I want to dive into those ventures not due to a financial need but for a creative, “I’ll grow from this” need. I’m ready for the hospital bills from having a baby to be done and over with. I am ready to not stress about our finances or making sure the yard looks nice. 

Who are we trying to impress again? Oh, no one? That’s right. 

I want simplicity. I want time spent with Jesus in all of the chaos. 

I am a work in progress. 

Let go my soul, and trust in Him. 

The waves and wind still know His name. 

Life Lately: Fourth of July

(This post is inspired by Elise Blaha Cripe. I love her blog so very much.)

loving the opportunity that I have to only work in the office three days a week. 

celebrating every time Marin rolls over or almost giggles. We are so close. 

enjoying slower evenings with Ryan after Marin is in bed. 

obsessing over the Barre Method workout videos that I have been working through. 

preparing the same meals over and over again. 

wondering if we will be able to put our house on the market in the spring. 

packing my breakfast, lunch, and snacks every day. I am the bag lady. 

checking our bank account and wondering how we have no money even when I am doing No Spend July. How does that work? 

wishing I could just work in a creative field all of the time and not just on the side. 

drinking iced tea with Doterra Lemon or Grapefruit. 

planning to teach a few Doterra Classes this month. 

reading this book. I can't put it down. I have to force myself to go to sleep. She makes me want to work my butt off. 

listening to the new Lana Del Ray record. 

watching Longmire & Friends. I am excited for Netflix to bring back new seasons of this & this. 

marveling at how quickly our weeks go by and realizing that I will have a 6 month old in August. 

feeling the need to recharge and relax more than I do. 

Life Lately: Photos & Thoughts

Last weekend my dear friend, Josh, came through Fort Collins for a visit. He was on the journey of moving back home from Nashville for a season. Good conversations and good food was had. He makes me think about life in so many different ways and helps me realize that where I currently find myself is a really good place to be in the grand scheme of things.

Cheese biscuits & cappuccino  at The Coffee Tree. 

Sea Food Goodness at The Mainline. (Yes, I went there yet again...) 

(This post is inspired by Elise Blaha Cripe. I love her blog so very much.)

loving every little noise that Marin makes. 

celebrating our own anniversary. 5 years together. Half of a decade of awesomeness. 

enjoying evenings spent with my husband. Unwinding for the day. Also talks about life with dear friends. 

obsessing over all things Doterra. 

preparing every single meal that I consume. A new, clean eating meal plan. 

wondering if life will ever slow down for just a minute or two. Where has June already gone? 

packing a diaper bag that is ready for everything & anything. I am the crazy bag lady. 

checking the baby monitor all of the time only to find our little girl sleeping like a little rockstar. 

wishing we could go on a trip somewhere. I want to pack our bags and find ourselves somehow on the coast. 

drinking a glass of wine every once in a while after the baby is asleep for the night. 

planning so many new business ventures. I need to focus. 

reading this book, this book, and this cookbook. 

listening to the new Jack White album. 

watching Longmire. Friends. Game of Thrones. I finished Orange is the New Black the weekend it was on Netflix. Oops. 

marveling at how everything somehow falls into place when it comes to parenting even though we really have no idea what we are doing. 

feeling overwhelmed at times & tired, but excited & ready for what the next few months hold. 

Our Anniversary: Good Food, Good Goals, & A Great Beard

It has been a week now since we celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary. The fact that I am just now able to write about our day goes to show that time really is flying faster than we can keep up with it most days. I didn't carry my camera with me that day, but wanted to capture everything through my phone.

Celebrating 5 years with my man was good. It was very needed. It's always weird for me to realize that we don't have our little girl in the back seat with us on an adventure, but sometimes parents need just parent adventures. You know? 

Marin hung out with the grandparents for the day and we hopped in the car and drove to Denver. For donuts. You read that correctly. We drove 1.5 hours to another city for donuts. I'm not crazy. It was well worth it. 

If you don't know of Voodoo Donuts, you probably should. When I lived in the northwest, I experienced Voodoo Donuts in Portland for the first time. These guys are crazy. Their donuts are crazy. They are also crazy delicious. By some fluke, they opened a shop up in Denver. All of the other locations are in the northwest but for some reason they decided to come here. I couldn't be more thrilled.

We ordered the Voodoo Dozen, 13 donuts that the staff hand picks for you. We also had two coffees to go. We ended up eating a donut in our car before making the drive back home because there's no seating at Voodoo. It was warm that day. Our donuts melted in our hands as we ate them. The coffee was super good. 

This was a perfect way to begin our anniversary celebration. 

We made the journey back home, stopped at the grandparents to feed the kiddo so I could think straight (if you're breastfeeding you probably know what I'm talking about and pumping in the car SUCKS.) 

We then ventured to Old Town, Fort Collins. A few posts back I talked about the new restaurant that we have come to love called the Mainline. We went there again. We drank good beer and ate good food. We talked about our goals and dreams for this new year of marriage. We talked about new business ideas and focusing more on the ones we already have. Getting out of debt. Upgrading to newer computers. Putting our house on the market and moving. Fitting back into my skinny jeans.

Helping Marin grow up smart and strong.

One of the appetizers at the Mainline. Jalapeño Cornbread with Apple Cider Butter. Oh my. 

If you know me, this conversation is what gets my mind spinning, in a good way. I love a good goals discussion, especially when good food, good beer, and a nice looking man with a great beard are involved. 

After dinner, we headed back, picked up Marin, and put her to bed for the evening. 

All in all, we are ready for this next year. We are excited for what is ahead. I wouldn't want to live out this life with anyone else.