Portrait Six

As part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month. This one is for the month of January. Yet again, just like the months before, we are already into the beginning of the next month. Oh well...at least I remembered to take my camera out of the bag and use it in the early morning hour. 

There's been a lot changing and stirring within me in the month of January. As always, the new year seems to bring a fresh start, a clean slate, another list of things that I desire to accomplish. I've been chewing on my One Little Word for this year and still need to write a post about it, but it's been stewing for a while and I'm almost ready to put it out into the world and embrace it fully. 

In many ways, I am a person that loves the new breath of fresh air that comes when seasons change and years come and go. I am the maker of lists and dreamer of dreams. Some little and minute, some lofty and time consuming. In many other ways though, I am a person that combats change with everything within me. I tend to like my comfort zone in many areas of my life and uprooting myself in certain areas of my life is not a pastime that I wish to participate in very often. 

But, change is coming. Change is already here. Change is inevitable. I need change. I need to change. I need to allow myself to open up to change and let it do its thing every once in a while. Burst the bubble. Hop out of the comfort zone. Be stretched. 

I am being stretched this year in terms of my health and my body. Honestly, I'm so very sick and tired of being so sick and tired all the time. So much of me just wishes I could cuddle up on the couch with my husband every evening after the kids are in bed and eat a bunch of food that isn't good for me in any way. But, no more. I can't do it any longer. I need change. 

I went to a natural health practitioner last week and my eyes were opened up to a lot of food intolerances that I have. Some of them I knew and blatantly ignored, others were a surprise. But, I am making the changes. I want to be able to look at the woman in the mirror and like what I see, feel confident about what I see. 

I'm tired of hiding behind the person I see in the mirror. I know underneath what I see, there's a woman that is confident and healthy, just waiting to step out into the world. I know that in many ways, I was once that woman. Confidently walking through life and then I got married and had a few kids...the effects upon my body from childbirth and exhaustion are a constant reminder of what my body went through. All of it worth it, of course, but I'm ready to focus on myself for a change. As I mentioned in my last portrait post: you can't pour from an empty cup. I'm working on filling up my cup, filling up my life with good for me, wholesome food. I'm listening to my body's cues and needs. I'm taking it one step at a time. 

I long to be able to in the mirror and know without a doubt that the woman staring back at me is confident and whole. Every day is a process. 

Portrait Six. 

WHOLE ME | WHOLE 30 WEEK 4

I survived my first Whole 30. I ate some cake today for my birthday. I was ok with that. I made it the 30 days. I did it. 

The last week of the Whole 30 was a bit of a blur to me. I didn't do very well with taking photos of my food. I did take some photos but as far as what I ate everyday, I can't really remember. I just remember that I ate clean and compliant to the plan and that's all that matters. Here are a few meals that I remembered to take a picture of....

I stepped on the scale the day after and was pleasantly surprised with the number I saw on the scale. I am closer to my goal weight. One step at a time. One pound at a time. 

I am taking every day now after the Whole 30, one day at a time. One meal at a time. I know now what I can eat that doesn't make me feel like crap. I know what can help me reach my goal weight. I also know that for my sanity, I can't be that strict all of the time and need to drink some wine every once in a while. But, my relationship with food is so much better than it was before. I am eating to live, not living to eat. That is where I need to be. 

In an effort to stick to a budget this month, I have started to meal plan dinners for my family. We just went shopping today for the first two weeks and came in under budget. Eating healthy can be affordable. Really. 

I will probably do another Whole 30 this fall. Now that I've made it through one, I can do another. I just need a bit of a break for a little while. The strange thing is that I already kind of miss it. Who knew? 

I am so thankful for this meal plan. It really did change how I view food and how I view myself. It will be nice to not have to have something special made for family gatherings. I am also looking forward to eating a meal at a restaurant again. 

If you want to change your body and how you think about food....do a Whole 30. I promise you won't be disappointed. 

WHOLE ME | Whole 30 Week 3

I only have about one more week until I have officially completed my first Whole 30. It feels like it's gone fairly quickly and I feel like I could eat like this on a continued basis, with some alterations. I haven't been nearly as hungry this week. I've snacked less, which is good because that's one of the things they stress about in the book: minimal snacking. I've landed into a routine of cooking the same meals over and over again, but I really don't mind. I've found a few that I really enjoy and I just keep going back to them. 

I am now starting to research my reintroduction into the world of food once my 30 days is over. I haven't completely decided what I will bring in to my diet yet or not. I know that I will be way less strict at family get togethers or when we go out to eat. I want to still be able to enjoy my life with food. But, I also am realizing how certain foods make me feel and I don't know if I will reintroduce certain things back into my life. 

The reintroduction process from Whole 30 looks like this....You can find this list here....

Here is what I ate this past week. Some of these don't look very glorious, but I assure you, these meals were all delicious. 

B: Banana, Blueberries, Almond Butter, Coffee

L: Lots of Veggies, Ground Beef, Compliant Tomato Sauce, Tomatoes, Garlic, Spinach, Mushrooms

D: Snack Tray. HB Eggs, Plantains, Dates, Guac.

B: Sweet Potatoes, Chicken Sausage, Fried Egg, Hot Sauce, Coffee

S: Strawberries, after my workout

L: Same spaghetti sauce creation and veggies

D: Chicken, some paleo mayo with hot sauce, guac.  

B: Sweet Potatoes, Chicken Sausage, Fried Egg, Coffee

L: CHIPOTLE!! My favorite thing ever. 

S: Grapes and Turkey

D: Prosciutto-Wrapped Chicken, Asparagus, Fried Eggs, Hot Sauce

B: Smoothie with Mixed Berries, Pineapple, Spinach, Almond Milk

L: Chicken Sausage, Spaghetti Creation, Veggies

D: Snack Tray: Grapes, Turkey, HB Eggs, Guac, Plantains 

(Sunday Morning, at work) 

B: HB Eggs, Larabar, Banana, Coffee

L: Shrimp Stir Fry w/ Coconut Aminos 

D: Birthday Dinner at FIL's. Chicken, Salsa, Salad, Grapes, La Croix. (He grilled me special chicken for the occasion. Everyone else had really good looking burritos...) 

B: Sweet Potatoes, Yellow Bell Peppers, Fried Egg, Coffee

L: Spaghetti Creation, Chicken Sausage, Lots of Veggies

D: Snack Tray (again.) Snap Peas, Grapes, Guac, Plantians

B: Sweet Potatoes, Chicken Sausage, Coffee

L: Shrimp Stir Fry w/ Coconut Aminos, 

S: Grapes and Coffee while working at a coffeehouse

D: Lots of Veggies, Spaghetti Creation, Prosciutto-Wrapped Chicken. 

What I'm Learning This Week: 

1. I have been having insane dreams lately and sleeping like a rock. 

2. I'm snacking less, which is good. 

3. I haven't been nearly as hungry as before. A lot of dinners are just kind of snack trays. It's probably so I don't have to cook something. 

4. My spaghetti sauce creation is delicious but I'm pretty sick of it now. 

5. I can't wait to go to COSTCO today and restock on a ton of stuff. 

6. My allergies have been super bad but I think that's just how it goes for me. 

7. I can't wait to weigh myself next week. 

8. I've been pinning a lot of recipes for moving forward on Pinterest.

WHOLE ME | Whole 30 Week 2

Tomorrow morning marks half way through the Whole 30. Half way. Half way! I can hardly believe it myself but I have also resorted to dreaming about sneaking donuts and totally cheating on my diet. I wake up realizing that it was only a dream and then laugh at myself because I felt guilty upon waking that I totally walked into a grocery store, filled my cart with things that aren't diet compliant, and then went to town and consumed everything that I could. 

Sure, I've had cravings. Sure, I would like to have had popcorn at the movie theatre when we went on a date. Sure, I would like to not have to cook ALL OF THE TIME and wash dishes ALL OF THE TIME. But, in all reality, the past 2 weeks haven't been nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I have had only one day where I had a raging headache. I've landed into a pretty decent groove and routine of what I eat when. Going out to eat doesn't really happen unless it's Chipotle, which is awesome, or some breakfast joint where I can stay decently well behaved. I have felt pretty tired some days but then I sleep well and dream like crazy. 

I'm already contemplating what I will be allowing back into my diet after all of this done. I still have goals to meet. This picture has been my phone screen since I started the Whole 30. I believe this was back in 2006, so nearly 10 years ago, which is crazy to think about. I was home from college for Christmas and I was pretty darn skinny. I believe I had gone through a breakup, moved to campus, and didn't take that great of care of myself, but needless to say, this is possible. Now, after a kid and nearly ten more years since that time, I realize that my body has gone through some pretty epic changes. For example, growing a baby and then delivering the baby changed just about everything about my body chemistry. But, I am a very visual person, and having a goal in mind, is a good thing. It just shows me that I can be that weight. It is possible. I know the goal weight I am working towards and I don't want to stop until I meet it. 

So, I have 2 more weeks. I can totally do this. I need to try a few more new recipes in my rotation so I don't get tired of the eating the same things all of the time. Miraculously, I haven't tired of eggs. I LOVE eggs, which is a good thing. Here's what I ate last week. Again, if you don't want to see food photos, don't. 

B: We went out to eat. I ended up getting a Denver Skillet without the cheese and a coffee. It was so so good. 

L: Shredded Chicken, Guac, Salsa. HB Eggs. Ice Tea. 

S: Grapes and Turkey

D: Prosciutto wrapped chicken, greens beans & mushrooms cooked in Ghee. Pineapple.  

B: Bacon & Eggs. Coffee. 

L: Sweet Potatoes, Shredded Chicken, Guac, Salsa. Minus the plantains. I just forgot to take a picture. 

D: HB Eggs, Turkey, Grapes, Guac

B: HB Eggs, Banana, Blueberries, Almond Butter, Coffee

L: Chicken Sausage, Green Beans & Mushrooms, Spicy Mustard

D: Shrimp Stir Fry w/ Coconut Aminos. 

B: Cashew Cookie Lara Bar, HB Eggs, Banana, Coffee

L: Shrimp Stir Fry w/ Coconut Aminos

S: Strawberries

D: Grapes, Plantains (I know, I know), Guac

B: HB Eggs, Bacon, Coffee

L: Chicken Sausage, Green Beans & Mushrooms, Spicy Mustard, La Croix

D: Fridge Dump....Sweet Potatoes, Shredded Chicken, Green Beans, Mushrooms, Hot Sauce

B: HB Eggs, Turkey, Peach, Coffee

L: Proscuitto Wrapped Chicken, Steamed Veggies, Grapes, 

D: Strawberries, Plantains, Guac

B: HB Eggs, Turkey, Banana, Coffee

L: Chipotle from Work!

S: Mango, Mixed Berries, Banana, Almond Milk Smoothie

D: Chicken Sausage, Veggies, Spicy Mustard, Grapes, La Croix

What I Am Learning: 

1. I still really want to weigh myself. I'm noticing a change and I am super curious to see what the scale says. 

2. I have to make time to workout. The past two days I haven't done the best at that but I'm sitting in my workout clothes as I type this. Once the kid goes down for a nap, I'm working out. 

3. La Croix is the best drink ever. 

4. I miss Ezekiel Bread in the morning with an over easy egg. 

5. Meal prep is super important. 

There you have it. Another week is done. I got this. 

WHOLE ME | Whole30 Week 1

Lately, I feel like I've been right on the edge of something extraordinary. It's been a slow climb but I feel like I've finally landed on something that feels like home. The Whole 30. Some of you probably know what this is, some of you don't. For thirty days, I am abstaining from grains, legumes, dairy, alcohol, and sugar. 

You're probably thinking..." That sounds horrible! Why would you ever do that??!!" 

Well, I'm doing it because I want to change my relationship with food and finally feel good in my own skin. Ever since I had a baby, a year and a half ago, I have been on a constant struggle with my weight and how I feel about myself. Somedays, I think about it constantly. Other days, I avoid it with everything within me and reach for another cookie and then another. 

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I've set out to change that. I want to feel confident and actually love the person that looks back at me in the mirror. I like that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In my mind, I can do anything for 30 days. I tried this about a month ago and failed miserably in the process of getting new floors in our home, not having a kitchen for a week, and then going on vacation and eating whatever my heart desired. My head wasn't in the game. It is now. 

I have been taking photos of all of my meals, in an effort to document everything that I am eating. I have scheduled out all of my workouts for the month and it's been really good getting back into the swing of things. I'm doing a combination of the HIIT program, 30 Day Shred, Yoga Inferno, and PIYO. I will probably incorporate in other workouts if I get bored and I want to take a lot of walks with Marin. 

(Side Note: If you are looking for an amazing planner, check out the GetToWork Book. I am so obsessed. I believe this round is sold out, but she will be releasing them again.) 

Here is what I ate in the first week. I totally nerd out when other bloggers post about this stuff, so if you aren't a fan of food photos, quit reading. You've been warned. 

The one thing about this plan is you cook a lot. I'm constantly washing dishes but I feel so much better about what I'm putting in my body. It's worth it. 

B: Aidell's Sausage from Costco, Fried Egg, Melons, Coffee (Black) 

L: Chicken, Steamed Veggies, Melon

S: Apple w/ Almond Butter

D: Turkey, Paleo Avocado Mayo, Bell Peppers, HB eggs, plantains, guacamole, dates for dessert

B: Scrambled eggs (no milk) with Aidell's Sausage, Spinach, Black Coffee

L: Spinach, Cruciferous Crunch from Trader Joe's sautéed in avocado oil and ghee, Chicken, Grapes

S: Plantains, Avocado, Salsa

D: Chicken Wrapped in Prosciutto, HB Eggs, Steamed Veggies

B: Smoothie (mango, berries, spinach, almond milk) 
*I know the rules are all about not having smoothies. My kid drinks these and still plan to make them.

L: Same as Day 2's dinner

S: Iced Tea (unsweetened), Dates

D: Plantains, Avocado, Chicken, Salsa

B: Banana, Blueberries, Almond Butter, HB Eggs, Black Coffee

L: Turkey, Bell Peppers, Spicy Mustard, Guacamole, Plantains, Grapes

D: Watermelon, Ridell's Sausage, Broccoli, Mustard, Berries for Dessert

B: Larabar, Banana, HB Eggs, Iced Coffee. Later on I had an apple. Hungry at work. 

L: Chipotle! Carnitas, Salad, Salsa, Guacamole. So delicious!! Ice Tea. 

D: (Went to the movies and didn't get popcorn and a soda!) Plantains, grapes, Iced Tea

B: Bacon & Eggs (It was really hard trying to find compliant bacon.) 
L: Tuna with paleo avocado mayo, lots of greens, banana peppers, sauerkraut, and sweet potatoes. (The kitchen sink salad) 
S: Coffee & Banana
D: Sweet Potatoes, Shredded Salsa Verde Chicken, Peppers, Guac, Plantains for added crunch, Salsa

B: Larabar, Banana, HB Eggs, Iced Cold Brew from Starbucks
L: Same as dinner last night, minus the plantains. (I behaved myself today.) 
D: Veggies, Chicken Wrapped In Prosciutto, Pineapple

What I'm Learning: 

1. This takes a lot of prep and cooking. 

2. I need to make sure I drink a lot more water.

3. I need to eat even more veggies. 

4. I need to lay off of the plantains so much. Those suckers are good. 

5. Chipotle is amazing.

6. Sugar is in everything. 

7. I always want to step on the scale in the morning and have to remind myself that I can't. 

8. I love how I wake up sore from my workouts the day before. It feels great to work my muscles. 

9. I need to not snack in the afternoon.