Baby Sullivan | Week Forty Three

We have been back from vacation for more than a week now and most of our days are spent fairly similar from the one before and the one before that. I wake each morning in the routine of nursing Sullivan, walking downstairs to the coffee pot, and sitting in my chair in the living room, waiting and searching through the quite moments before the rest of the house awakens. 

Marin usually stirs anywhere between 6am and 630am. I try to keep her in her room as long as possible, constantly urging her to play with her ponies or turn on her little light and read a few more books before I have to leave my wonderful chair and start the day. I usually don't hold out for long. After she wakes, she helps me wake up Daddy and go get Sullivan out of his crib. Most of the time after I nurse him early in the morning, he falls back asleep, if only for a little while. 

Then we all have breakfast at the table in the kitchen. This is usually one of the only meals during our chaotic weeks where we are all sitting down at the table and eating at the same time, even if it's only for fifteen minutes  Dinner usually consists of me feeding the kiddos before Ryan gets home from work and then Ryan and I eat dinner after the kids are in bed. Someday, in a perfect world, I long to have family dinners on a weekly basis. I want to gather together and hear how everyones day was and actually all eat the same exact thing. Right now I feel like a short order chef that makes two to three different meal options on any given night. I also want more times spent with friends over meals. We had some friends over for pizza last weekend and it was so refreshing. The kiddos also enjoyed playing together. 

Depending on the day and if I am working, I either hop up stairs to finish getting ready or hop in the shower. Then we get the kiddos dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed. The next thing that occurs on the non-working days is that I do a quick clean of the house and then we begin our day. Cleaning is followed by Sullivan's morning nap....then lunch....then quiet time/naptime...then getting ready for dinner....eating dinner...tubby time....bedtime routine...

Lather...Rinse...And Repeat. 

Don't get me wrong, I rather enjoy the predictability of our days for the most part. In between meal times and nap times, we are working on trying to help Sullivan crawl. We spend a lot of time on the floor with toys scattered all over the place. Marin loves to color, do puzzles, watch some TV. Both kids would be outside all day if it was an option. I know I need to get them out much more than I do and I want to make that my goal on the days when I am home with them. Marin loves to ride her scooter and is learning how to pedal her bike a lot better now that she can confidently reach and push the pedals. Sullivan is perfectly content on a blanket out in the lawn surrounded by things he can throw around and chew on. They both enjoy stroller rides in the double stroller. 

Another consistent thing I usually enjoy for the most part is bath time. We only bathe the kiddos every few days unless they've really made a mess of themselves. Sometimes that happens and I am all for the need to wash dirty kiddos. That just means that they were living life to the fullest. Last week we had a first time parenting moment...Sullivan pooped in the tub. Luckily he was still in his little bath tub inside of the bathtub where Marin was. Had he pooped in her water...that would have been an entirely other situation. But, there's a first time for everything! I don't believe Marin ever did that. It was comical to say the least. 

Here's Marin at Week Forty Three. 

Hollen Family Getaway | Estes Park

Be prepared for lots of pictures.....

We’ve been back for over a week now but I’m still holding on to our time in Estes Park. I can’t believe how much I needed just a few days away to breathe, spend time with family, and relax. The past few months have felt like a whirlwind of events: job changes, growing kiddos, trying to take better care of myself. If there was ever a time that we needed a vacation, this was one of those times.

We took this trip last year around this time. Last year, I was pretty pregnant and Marin spent her first night in a hotel with us. This time, things looked pretty different. Now we have Sullivan with us, no longer in my belly but on the outside living life to the very fullest. Grandmadoo and Grandpadoo also went with us this time.

We ended up staying somewhere different this year because last year’s location was already booked. But, I loved the place we stayed. It’s called the Appenzell Inn. We booked the suite with 2 bedrooms, a living space, and small kitchen. It fit all of us perfectly. The main reason we booked there was because of the indoor swimming pool. Last year, all that Marin could talk about was the swimming pool so I knew I needed to find a good alternative for her this year. The Inn met our expectations and so much more. We will definitely be staying there again sometime in the future.

Before we drove up to Estes, we went to church at a different church than usual. Now that I am no longer on staff at church, I felt that we could switch things up a bit and visit our old stomping grounds. We spent a few years at Timberline Old Town and I even met Ryan within those walls. It was a nice change of pace and it was nice to see people we haven’t seen in far too long.

After church we stopped for coffee and then headed up into the mountians. We truly couldn’t have asked for better weather while we were up there. It was in the high 50’s most of the time we were there and only started to snow on the drive home. We made it to Estes and had lunch before checking in. We ate at “You Need Pie,” which is a little diner style place that serves diner favorites and amazing pie. We discovered it last year when we went and knew we needed to go back. We ate our pie out in the sunshine surrounded by mountains. 

We drove into Rocky Mountain National Park to a spot that the Hollen’s frequent. Marin was so daring and wanted to climb every single rock. She was fearless on this trip and I am so proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone. Sully loves to be outside any chance he can get. That night we went back to the hotel and Marin, Ryan, and Grandpadoo went and took a little swim in the pool. After that, we brought in New York style pizza that consisted of pizza slices the size of our heads. Thin crust, just enough cheese and pepperoni, goodness. Even Sullivan enjoyed little pizza bites.

Once the kids were in bed we ended up staying up much later than I usual do and talked and talked. It was nice to just have a conversation with adults, drink some wine, and  then wind down reading a book, all by the fire place. Both bedrooms had big king size beds with tons of amazing pillows. I slept so well there. Sullivan was in his pack n' play in our room and Marin slept in Grandmadoo and Grandpadoo's room. 

The next morning we woke up and headed downstairs for breakfast in the hotel. The rest of the morning was spent walking around town with the double stroller. The weather truly couldn't have been more perfect. Gorgeous sunshine, about 60 degrees. We walked through the little shops, played on the playground, climbed some more rocks, bought some delicious candy, and ended up on Poppy's for lunch. After lunch, we headed back to the inn, had some quite time and naps, and just took it easy. 

After nap time, we all got in our swimsuits and headed down to the pool. This was Sullivan's first time in a pool and he was having so much fun. I bought him a little floaty for the pool and he just kicked his chubby little legs to his heart's content. I bought Marin a little life vest as well and she would stay in the water forever if we let her. After the pool, we all hopped in the outdoor hot tub and relaxed. 

That evening, the grandparents offered to watch the kiddos so Ryan and I could have a little date night. It was so welcomed and so wonderful. We began the evening with eating bbq-- pulled pork, ribs, hush puppies, baked beans, corn bread, a beer. Hello, full. After that we went and saw a movie at the little theatre in Estes Park. We saw "A Quiet Place" and I was on the edge of my seat the entire film. I highly recommend it. 

The next morning, we went to breakfast back at the pie place. After our meal was finished, we picked out some more pie for the road. By this point, it was starting to snow. We packed our bags, checked out, and took the nice drive back down to home and back to reality. 

My heart is still full from this trip. We needed this trip so much for our little family and I am very thankful that we live close enough to a place like Estes Park. It was exactly what we needed and I look forward to another trip much like this one in the future. 

Portrait Seven

I wrote these words a few weeks ago. This photo was taken in February as part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month....

So many thing feel like they are just hanging in the balance of my life, holding their breath and waiting for the moment in which they can exhale and begin a new season, embark upon a new journey. As always, the waiting slowly drives me crazy. I'm generally not very patient, pretty much ever...just ask my husband. Changing jobs is a grand undertaking and I feel like I'm not doing very well with it the past few weeks. I do know that I just need to get on the other side of all of this and begin new, begin fresh and full of hope. Living in limbo is always a bad place for my spirit, mind and body to dwell. 

I have not been taking very good care of myself lately. I've been eating horribly, drinking way too much caffeine, sleeping not so great. I quit taking some of the supplements I was on from the natural practitioner because they were messing with my stomach a lot. I feel huge. I feel fat. I hate that "f" word. I feel tired and exhausted. My eyelid has been twitching for weeks as an ever present reminder that something is not right within me. It was even difficult for me to take this portrait because I pretty much can't stand seeing myself in the image on my screen. Self-esteem and health wise, I haven't been in the best place the past month or so. I was doing so good after a trip to the natural doctor helped me find what food intolerances I have. I did great for a while then we had no kitchen for a week, I stressed about giving my notice at work and moving forward into a new season full of so many unknowns. 

All of this needs to change, like yesterday. I want to walk boldly into this new season of life --confident, healthy, and determined. I want to like the person in the mirror, love her even. I never really have, at least not to the full extent that I long for. I don't want to be the one that hides behind in the shadows any more or hide as the one behind the camera instead of in front of it. I will take this one day at a time, one meal at a time. Each decision adding up into the next one of health and happiness, joy even. I deserve to live in joy, to wake in hope. I want to move forward into this season of unknowns with this new woman that is building deep inside of me. She's there-- this unknown woman that is just waiting to come out of the darkness and the hiding. I long to know her and I will.

**Since I wrote these words, I have gone back to the doctor and am back on track. I am moving in a good direction once more, slowly but surely. ** 

Baby Sullivan | Week Thirty Three

I've been trying to get this posted all week but this week has been a doozy and now it's already Saturday. These photos have been siting in this post ready to go for days...Oh well. It's not Sunday yet. I'm still within the week. 

Sullivan is growing up so quickly. This time next week, he will be 8 months old! Eight months. I can hardly wrap my mind around it. I was just pregnant, right?!? Time is flying. He's going to be celebrating his first birthday before we know it. 

Sully has been a little fussy this week and I think teeth are still to blame. Most days, he goes through life with red, little cheeks and some drool. I can see the top two teeth just hanging out under his gums, so it's only a matter of time before those pop through. Hopefully, he doesn't resort to biting while nursing again. We faced that when his bottom two teeth came in and that was painful. I know he doesn't realize he's causing me pain and gnawing on something eases his mouth pain but biting while breastfeeding is one of my least favorite things in the world, especially at 5am in the morning when I'm not quite awake yet and ready to take on the day. 

He's been eating solid food for a few weeks now and will not longer touch the jarred food. My mom was watching the kiddos on Thursday and she had quite a scare with Sullivan so we are making some baby led weaning changes. There's so many options and opinions out there about how to approach baby lead weaning. Some people cut food up in tiny pieces, some in strips, some in little circular shapes. We were doing the circular shape with some roasted sweet potatoes and Sully choked on one at dinner. My mom had to do the Heimlich  Maneuver on Sully. I know that gagging is part of the BLW weaning process, but choking, not so much. I'm very thankful my mom was there and was able to act fast. I know it shook her up pretty badly, but Grammy was there to save the day. That being said....we are cutting stuff up pretty tiny now these days while he still learns how to feed himself. It's such a process and certain parts of it really freak me out! 

I am trying to do a lot more floor time with Sully in hopes that he will get to the point of crawling at some point. Right now, he is so content just sitting up like a big dude, playing with his toys. I'm not totally prepared for him to be mobile yet and need to dig out the baby gates. He just grows up so much every single day. 

Some changes are coming in our lives, regarding my job and how it looks on any given week. At first, I was super discouraged by it but I'm slowly coming to terms with it. Depending on how it all falls into place, I might be able to leave work at work. The past few years of my life have been spent juggling working from home and the office, always being on and connected to my phone. I would like to be able to just be with my family when I am home with my family. Plain and simple. We might be looking for some childcare options one day a week though and I am not a fan of that. But, we have been super lucky and blessed so far with not having to pay for childcare. It is so, so, so, so expensive...like the equivalent of paying a second mortgage expensive. But, we are talking through these changes and I'm hoping to get some more clarity on it soon. If you know me well, you know that not having all of the answers about how all of this is supposed to look is slowly driving me crazy. 

Here's Marin at Week Thirty Three. 

Portrait Six

As part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month. This one is for the month of January. Yet again, just like the months before, we are already into the beginning of the next month. Oh well...at least I remembered to take my camera out of the bag and use it in the early morning hour. 

There's been a lot changing and stirring within me in the month of January. As always, the new year seems to bring a fresh start, a clean slate, another list of things that I desire to accomplish. I've been chewing on my One Little Word for this year and still need to write a post about it, but it's been stewing for a while and I'm almost ready to put it out into the world and embrace it fully. 

In many ways, I am a person that loves the new breath of fresh air that comes when seasons change and years come and go. I am the maker of lists and dreamer of dreams. Some little and minute, some lofty and time consuming. In many other ways though, I am a person that combats change with everything within me. I tend to like my comfort zone in many areas of my life and uprooting myself in certain areas of my life is not a pastime that I wish to participate in very often. 

But, change is coming. Change is already here. Change is inevitable. I need change. I need to change. I need to allow myself to open up to change and let it do its thing every once in a while. Burst the bubble. Hop out of the comfort zone. Be stretched. 

I am being stretched this year in terms of my health and my body. Honestly, I'm so very sick and tired of being so sick and tired all the time. So much of me just wishes I could cuddle up on the couch with my husband every evening after the kids are in bed and eat a bunch of food that isn't good for me in any way. But, no more. I can't do it any longer. I need change. 

I went to a natural health practitioner last week and my eyes were opened up to a lot of food intolerances that I have. Some of them I knew and blatantly ignored, others were a surprise. But, I am making the changes. I want to be able to look at the woman in the mirror and like what I see, feel confident about what I see. 

I'm tired of hiding behind the person I see in the mirror. I know underneath what I see, there's a woman that is confident and healthy, just waiting to step out into the world. I know that in many ways, I was once that woman. Confidently walking through life and then I got married and had a few kids...the effects upon my body from childbirth and exhaustion are a constant reminder of what my body went through. All of it worth it, of course, but I'm ready to focus on myself for a change. As I mentioned in my last portrait post: you can't pour from an empty cup. I'm working on filling up my cup, filling up my life with good for me, wholesome food. I'm listening to my body's cues and needs. I'm taking it one step at a time. 

I long to be able to in the mirror and know without a doubt that the woman staring back at me is confident and whole. Every day is a process. 

Portrait Six. 

Hollen Holidays | Christmas 2017

Christmas has already come and gone this year and I'm left with a bunch of boxes sitting under the tree that still need to be cleaned up. But, boy...was it a good one. So good, that I hardly took any photos this year. I've decided that is a good sign of how the day went. I hate being so attached to my phone all of the time and I'm truly trying to work on putting it down and living our lives. Yes, I like to document many things but constantly having my phone in my family's face really doesn't help anyone. Anyways...

Marin and I did get some of our Christmas baking in this year. We made reindeer chow again, the same as last year. We were planning on making cookies as well but didn't quite get to those. Now I have a ton of Hersey kisses sitting in my pantry. Darn. That's a such a bad problem to have, right? Marin loves baking only if she can sneak chocolate chips and help me stir the contents of the bowl. She also likes being able to accessorize with a cute apron. I also have been trying all season to get her to watch Elf and she finally said that she wanted to. I love that movie. We've watched it too many times now, but at least she was down for it this year. 

Christmas Eve was a blur and both of us had to work. Marin had a slumber party at the grandparents house the night before. Working for a church, I had a long day ahead of me that started at about 6:30am and didn't really end until about 7:00pm that night. I had a little break in the middle there to go home, try and eat something, and head right back to work. Ryan also worked all day but was able to make it to the evening service. Since Christmas Eve landed on a Sunday, we have 3 services. Two in the morning and a Christmas Eve service at night. Everything went smoothly and the day really wasn't as tiring as I had expected. I did hit almost 20,000 steps that day. Ouch feet. 

The next morning started nice and early thanks to Marin waking early. We opened gifts from each other and the ones that we bought for the kiddos. Marin's biggest wish was a Barbie House, which she didn't get from us. She kept asking about it like..."I did ask Santa for it...so where is it?!" Oh, kiddo. That's not always how it works. But, don't worry, her day ended with a Barbie House. 

After we got ready for the day, we headed to Loveland to have Christmas morning with my side of the family. The morning was filled with lots of kids, food, and opening presents. I soaked it all in and enjoyed it so much. Christmas with a bunch of kiddos around is so much better. 

That afternoon, we headed to Ryan's brother's home for chili, cinnamon rolls, and more gift unwrapping. Marin finally got her Barbie House. It was the last gift she opened that day and I thought she was going to explode with anticipation. She made it though, to the very end. 

The day was a good one. I love that all of our family is near and that we can spend our holidays with them. We ate way too much, got way too many amazing gifts, and the kids both fell asleep on the drive back to our home. Our kids have enough toys to last them through a few years at this point. So many toys. Marin is in heaven. Sully is a little to young to realize that he got a bunch of cool stuff, but Big Sis is making sure his toys also get played with. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours. Until next year...