Someday I won't question whether or not this is it and if it's enough. Looking back, I will realize it was always more than enough and long for the things I missed or overlooked because I was too busy trying to be super mom and super human, all while having a clean, well kept house with fantastic vacuum lines in the carpet and the absence of sticky messes on the floor.
Someday I know I will miss having these hangry humans intensely dependent upon me with their unwavering devotion and need for a parent, for a life giver, for a nurturer. Our home will one day be too quiet and I will long for the dishwasher that needs to be emptied and the little clothes that need be folded and put away in tiny drawers. I will miss the bath time at night where the kids plead to stay in for far too long and their fingers turn to little raisins. I will miss reading the same book over and over again at bedtime, a book that Marin can recite by memory alone, with the same rise and fall of our adult voices reflected in hers, just as we aim to bring each character from the page to life.
In this season of life, I am woman finding her way once more, finding more solid footing. I am a wife, a mom, an employee. I am someone that at times tries to hold on to her past in fear of losing the creative aspects of my existence. I am someone that is working really hard to be present in the moment and not veer too far off course. I am trying really hard to find a life that is more than enough.
Someday, dinner time will look different and I won't stand over a pot of boiling mac n' cheese, stirring it so it doesn't boil over. This is all for the picky preschooler that literally would eat the same thing every single night. I will miss making the chicken nuggets or coaxing her to eat just one more bite of vegetables all the while she absolutely refuses to eat carrots.
All of this is it and it is more than enough.
Portrait Four.
No comments