There's been a lot changing and stirring within me in the month of January. As always, the new year seems to bring a fresh start, a clean slate, another list of things that I desire to accomplish. I've been chewing on my One Little Word for this year and still need to write a post about it, but it's been stewing for a while and I'm almost ready to put it out into the world and embrace it fully.
In many ways, I am a person that loves the new breath of fresh air that comes when seasons change and years come and go. I am the maker of lists and dreamer of dreams. Some little and minute, some lofty and time consuming. In many other ways though, I am a person that combats change with everything within me. I tend to like my comfort zone in many areas of my life and uprooting myself in certain areas of my life is not a pastime that I wish to participate in very often.
But, change is coming. Change is already here. Change is inevitable. I need change. I need to change. I need to allow myself to open up to change and let it do its thing every once in a while. Burst the bubble. Hop out of the comfort zone. Be stretched.
I am being stretched this year in terms of my health and my body. Honestly, I'm so very sick and tired of being so sick and tired all the time. So much of me just wishes I could cuddle up on the couch with my husband every evening after the kids are in bed and eat a bunch of food that isn't good for me in any way. But, no more. I can't do it any longer. I need change.
I went to a natural health practitioner last week and my eyes were opened up to a lot of food intolerances that I have. Some of them I knew and blatantly ignored, others were a surprise. But, I am making the changes. I want to be able to look at the woman in the mirror and like what I see, feel confident about what I see.
I'm tired of hiding behind the person I see in the mirror. I know underneath what I see, there's a woman that is confident and healthy, just waiting to step out into the world. I know that in many ways, I was once that woman. Confidently walking through life and then I got married and had a few kids...the effects upon my body from childbirth and exhaustion are a constant reminder of what my body went through. All of it worth it, of course, but I'm ready to focus on myself for a change. As I mentioned in my last portrait post: you can't pour from an empty cup. I'm working on filling up my cup, filling up my life with good for me, wholesome food. I'm listening to my body's cues and needs. I'm taking it one step at a time.
I long to be able to in the mirror and know without a doubt that the woman staring back at me is confident and whole. Every day is a process.
Portrait Six.
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