Life moves swiftly. One day you’re a college student, staying up way too late, playing as much music as you possibly can with a group of people that will forever leave a mark on your life. Then the next, you are waking up far too early, married and making sure that your kids survive and thrive through their lives thus far. Life is now filled with changing diapers, making little meals that mostly go uneaten, and working for the man. Life is also filled with finding little pockets of time to pick up my guitar, usually at nap time or staying up far too late because I feel the need to figure out a lyric or melody that I haven’t been able to shake.
This is me. I am a creative being that has once again become restless yet hopeful.
Today, I am setting out from the ordinary in hopes that I can create something of worth once more. Today we are on the road to the northwest, the place that held my heart so tightly for so many years. Those years seem very far away to me now, over a decade has passed since I lived there and immersed myself in the music. Thankfully, some of the friendships I gained while there are still in my life in whatever capacity they can be. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and whoever they are, I think they are correct.
The life I now live is a very good one, I am certain of it. But, I also know that there is a constant whisper hidden deep within me to create and play music in whatever capacity that I can. I know that I can never fully run away from those whispers, they are a constant companion in my life no matter how hard I have tried to ignore them in the past. I couldn’t stop if I tried.
We are on the road and heading towards the place my heart longs for more often than not. I am going to record an album with people that have shaped my life in so many ways. I have been working my tail off the past couple of months in preparation for this project, dusting off my guitars and kicking out the cobwebs of my musical abilities. I feel rusty but I am hopeful that once I am back in the swing of things, it will flow from me like a second nature once more.
It almost feels like we are currently driving into the past. Every mile gets me closer to the person I once was but now I am older, hopefully wiser, and ready to dive in fully with abandon. We are away from our kids for nine days and I hardly know what I should be doing with myself. In many ways, it feels like if I don’t do this project now, I probably never will. But, I know that my children are always watching and they get to see their mom following after her dreams and doing something she believes in. This is important work and I refuse to take that lightly.
“The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.....So if you’re paralyzed with fear, it’s a good sign. It shows you what you have to do.”
-The War of Art, Steven Pressfield
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