Hurry Up & Wait

Nobody really prepares you for parenthood. It’s almost like there’s this elite club of parents that have been in the trenches and they remain silent.  Everyone figures everything out as they go. Not very many people really talk about the pain of childbirth or the sleepless nights. It’s more of a “oh, you’ll see” mentality. I don’t think that’s necessarily bad, but why the distance between those last few days of being pregnant and then being thrown head first into parenthood, completely unprepared and unbalanced?
You can read the books. You can read the blogs. You can have the conversations with other parents. But, I don’t think it will ever really prepare you for what lies ahead. I haven’t even experienced any of it yet. I’m still pregnant as I sit and write these words. I’m ready to be on the other side and to wander aimlessly through this thing called parenting. There are just so many opinions about everything, it becomes difficult to wade through most of them and determine what will work best for you and your family.
I also have spent many selfish moments wondering if I am losing pieces of myself in the process of parenthood. My nights have been filled with dreams about playing music and forgetting how to play my own songs, panicking when I can’t fit a guitar around my pregnant belly, or forgetting every little thing I have fought for to play music and play in bands over the years. I just don’t want to let go of it. Nor do I really think I will have to, but it will look different.
I want to be a mom and I want to still be me. I wonder if that is completely possible. I hope so. I want parenthood to be just another facet of who we are as individuals and as a couple, another extension of our lives that has been dormant until now. I want it to be the missing puzzle piece that we weren’t fully aware that we needed until now.
I want to play rock n’ roll. Loudly.
I want to take photos and capture moments that otherwise would disappear.
I want to drink a good beer and discover new places.
I want to help a child grow up strong and beautiful. I want her to know of all of the things that she can dream of and accomplish.
I want to fall more in love with my man every day.
I am due in 2 days. I am unsure of when she will actually arrive, but now we hurry up and wait.
Hurry up.
And wait.

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