This is 32 | A New List

My final portrait from my series, taken on the eve of my 32nd birthday.

11, 699 days in so far in this thing called life, as of today that is. I had every intention of actually getting these words out into the open over a week ago when I rang in a new year of life but...life happened per usual. Work happened, raising kids happened, trying to catch up on sleep kind of happened but who are we kidding, really? 

I have a feeling that year thirty two is going to be a good one for me, one like I've never quite experienced before. Why? I'm not sure how to put my finger on it but this past season has been one of swift and immense change in just about every area of my life. I feel like this new year is going to be much the same and I'm kind of just along for the ride so far.

 Looking back upon my life over the last decade, I never really thought I would be where I am now. I'm back working at the office that I left 4 years ago and it still is strange to me to sit and work in that office once more. Every morning that I go into work, it still feels strange to put on my name tag and walk through those halls.  We have two children, which is still seemingly mind boggling to me in many ways. Becoming a mom has changed me more than anything else in my life. 

As of last week, we have officially transitioned back to the church we called home when we were newleyweds and into the years of our lives pre-babies. I have been trying to be intentional and cry out for my family in this season more than I ever have before. No longer working at church opened up my ears and my heart more to where God was leading us in this new season. He has lead us to return to where we once were. As with all decisions of this caliber, it has not been easy especially because many of th people I was in ministry with, I have been in ministry with for over half of my life. That’s a long time. But, sitting in our new (old) church home on Sunday, I was flooded with so much peace and I know we are where we need to be. Sometimes transition is hard and I have felt that in so many areas of our lives. But lately, I have felt peace the surpasses all of my understanding in this life and I know I just need to keep listening. 

Every year for the past few years, I have created a list of things that I want to accomplish before my next birthday rolls around, as it always does. Now that I am on my way into my mid-thirties, at least in a few years, I feel like it is expected of me to get my crap together more. My twenties feel very, very, very far away now and life looks completely different than I thought it would. Good different, but different nonetheless. 

Here is my list from last year. I have gone in and crossed out the ones that I actually accomplished. There are some things on this list that I have placed on the list every year and every year I don’t accomplish them, but here we are. I know many of you could really care less if I cross off items on my list, but I love things like this and I will probably continue to make these lists for a long time. 

Below is my list for this new year of life....I am now 32, which still seems odd to me in the grand scheme of things. But, I’m ready to dive in to this new year, full of hope even though so many things still feel like they are unknown. 

33 books
Read through the Bible
Go camping
Become debt free
Get another tattoo
Sell our house (This is probably the biggest undertaking on this list...) 
10 year anniversary trip
Family Trip
Holiday Bucket List 
Try Buki Yoga & Lekfit
Secret Thing #1 (Wouldn’t you like to know?) 
Fly in a plane
Farmers Market
Use the library more
No Spend Month
Drive in Movie
Find another side hustle
Fall Bucket List
Play a show or play FOCOMX 
Have pie in Estes
Intuitive Eating
Go to a concert
See the ocean
52 Blog Posts for the year
Stay at the Elizabeth Hotel
Get a massage
Finish a song
30 Day Challenge
Revamp the weekly cleaning schedule
Go meat free for a while
New pick up and tune up for my Martin acoustic
Family Dinner 2x per week and focus on meal planning
Make bread from scratch

This is 32. 

Sullivan Turns One

It's been nearly a month since our little dude turned the big O-N-E. June and July have whizzed by so quickly that I feel like I've just been trying to catch my breath all summer. Lots of trips and changes have been occurring in our lives. I am thankful for all of it but phew...school will be starting before we know it. Marin will be going off to Pre-K at a different preschool. We will be working hard to get our house on the market in the spring. The holidays will be here before we know it. Good things. All good things. 

For Sullivan's birthday, we ended up postponing the party by one week because we all had been sick. I feel like we are all finally healthy. Somehow, Ryan didn't get hit with it and he's lucky. Usually we just keep passing around whatever sickness has made it into our home.

We gathered the family at the Hollen's home for our traditional Raising Cane's Chicken, baked beans, french fries, salad, fruit, and cake extravaganza. We usually do the same for Marin's birthday parties because it's affordable and delicious. I wanted to have everyone over to our house but our back porch is in need of some love and the Hollen's have a backyard oasis. 

The weather was perfect, nice and hot. Sullivan ate his chicken and french fries like a little champ, which is normal for him. After we all ate, we opened gifts for Sully and Grandpa-doo, who's birthday was on the 19th of July. Sullivan is now decked out in some cool new clothes and pjs. He also got a lot of rad toys, a puzzle, a little swimming pool, tons of books, a swing for our swing set out back, and a wagon with a canopy. I can't wait to get the pool out and use the wagon for a parade we are going to on Saturday. 

Having the birthday cake was probably his favorite part. He ended up eating it with a fork like a proper little man. He crashed into bed very quickly that night once the sugar rush ended. 

Thank you to everyone that came to celebrate Sullivan and his first year with us. We are so thankful for this little guy and I cannot imagine life without him. Happy Birthday, Sully! We love you! 

Baby Sullivan | Week Fifty Two, 1 year old!!!

Folks, we have made it. Sullivan James Hollen is officially one year old. Technically he's now 369 days old but we aren't focusing on technicalities. I was hoping to ring in this one year post with pictures from his birthday bash but unfortunately that won't be happening quite yet....

Marin picked out these birthday toys for Sullivan. 

Most of last week over his birthday the kiddos and myself were are very much under the weather. The sickness presented itself last friday and has stuck around in one form or another until today. We are still coughing a bit and our noses are still red and running. Being sick over your birthday pretty much is the worst. Being sick and having to take care of two sick kids is also pretty much the worst. But, we are slowly on the mend and have rescheduled his big birthday bash to next week. I know he probably won't remember the fact that we celebrated his big day ten days after the fact. Oh well...

He is one. He is one! Our little man, our last baby, our wonderful son is one years old now and every time I look at him lately he seems to be turning into a little boy right before my eyes. Everyday he gets longer and his pants get a little more snug. Everyday he starts babbling different sounds and little almost words. Everyday he gets a little bit more excited about food and shakes his little fists in the air in pure excitement because just loves to eat that much. Everyday he inches closer and closer to getting mobile and I'm just praying that it's sooner rather than later. He is stronger everyday. 

It's hard to believe that a year ago today we were just bringing him home from the hospital. The new baby smell and sleepless nights have slowly worn away and now I welcome any little cuddles that I may get from him because he wants to be doing something at all times and is fascinated so much by the world around him. 

Sullivan made me a boy mom and I'm sure we have many years ahead of us of peeing all over the toilet and around it, fart noises, and rough housing. Maybe he will want to play sports and pick up the guitar. Maybe he will love to read or just prefer to be outside in the mud. Maybe he will love music as much as we do, maybe not. Whatever he goes after in this life there's one thing I know for sure, I will forever be his mama and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

He's growing up so quickly and that does make me sad but at the same time I am loving seeing him grow up into the little boy that he will be. I'm thankful that we are getting past the little baby stage and into the little boy stage. This is when it starts getting really fun. We are finding our groove as a family and it's only going to get better. 

Happy Birthday, a few days late, Sullivan James Hollen. You were made to be a part of our little family and we cannot imagine living life without you! 

Here's Marin at Fifty Two Weeks! 

And for good measure...he's Sully's birth story. 

Portrait Eight

This photo was taken in March as part of my 32 Things Before 32 List, I am attempting to take one self-portrait per month...

This photograph singlehandedly marks the end of an era for me. It portrays a bend and sway in my work-life balance. I took this photograph on my last day of working for Vintage City Church. Around the beginning of the year, I kept feeling these rumblings deep in my soul, like little whispers of change. I ignored them for a number of months and kept continuing down my path of working from home and the office, constantly being on my computer or taking a phone call. I kept having a short fuse with my children (which honestly is still something I struggle with.) I was pouring myself out whole heartedly into a place where I was challenged and grew. The three and a half years I had spent there have been wonderful and I don't take them for granted. 

But deep down inside I knew change was coming. I started to prayerfully consider some other options. I was honestly sick and tired of being pulled away from my family so much when I was home or staring at a computer screen while my kids were scattering toys around me. Change was needed. 

I made strides to bring about change and ended up going back to work where I was before, a pediactric dental office. Working in a church is great and I know I was pretty dang good at what I did but after a while it wears on you. When you work for a church, you are in ministry for what feels like 24/7. All of the time. Never getting a break and time to breathe. I would look at my children sitting at the dinner table and it would hit me like a ton of bricks...

They are only little like this once. 

That's 940 Saturdays with them before they are 18 and are ready to leave the house. 

I have no desire for my children to always see me glued to my phone or my computer. Still there but never present. 

I now only work 3 days a week. Going to the office is like a little mom vacation and I LOVE what I'm doing. It feels good to be back in the business world, in the marketplace. Granted, we aren't nearly as financially stable as before but the trade off has been totally worth it. 

I get 4 days in a row now where I don't have to check my email or answer numerous phone calls. 4 days of freedom. I also have the opportunity now to be way more involved in the worship side of things at church and it is so refreshing to not have a million things and responsibilities on my plate now when I am there. 

The girl in this photograph seems almost like a distant memory to me now. 

I am so thankful for that. 

Hollen Family Getaway | Estes Park

Be prepared for lots of pictures.....

We’ve been back for over a week now but I’m still holding on to our time in Estes Park. I can’t believe how much I needed just a few days away to breathe, spend time with family, and relax. The past few months have felt like a whirlwind of events: job changes, growing kiddos, trying to take better care of myself. If there was ever a time that we needed a vacation, this was one of those times.

We took this trip last year around this time. Last year, I was pretty pregnant and Marin spent her first night in a hotel with us. This time, things looked pretty different. Now we have Sullivan with us, no longer in my belly but on the outside living life to the very fullest. Grandmadoo and Grandpadoo also went with us this time.

We ended up staying somewhere different this year because last year’s location was already booked. But, I loved the place we stayed. It’s called the Appenzell Inn. We booked the suite with 2 bedrooms, a living space, and small kitchen. It fit all of us perfectly. The main reason we booked there was because of the indoor swimming pool. Last year, all that Marin could talk about was the swimming pool so I knew I needed to find a good alternative for her this year. The Inn met our expectations and so much more. We will definitely be staying there again sometime in the future.

Before we drove up to Estes, we went to church at a different church than usual. Now that I am no longer on staff at church, I felt that we could switch things up a bit and visit our old stomping grounds. We spent a few years at Timberline Old Town and I even met Ryan within those walls. It was a nice change of pace and it was nice to see people we haven’t seen in far too long.

After church we stopped for coffee and then headed up into the mountians. We truly couldn’t have asked for better weather while we were up there. It was in the high 50’s most of the time we were there and only started to snow on the drive home. We made it to Estes and had lunch before checking in. We ate at “You Need Pie,” which is a little diner style place that serves diner favorites and amazing pie. We discovered it last year when we went and knew we needed to go back. We ate our pie out in the sunshine surrounded by mountains. 

We drove into Rocky Mountain National Park to a spot that the Hollen’s frequent. Marin was so daring and wanted to climb every single rock. She was fearless on this trip and I am so proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone. Sully loves to be outside any chance he can get. That night we went back to the hotel and Marin, Ryan, and Grandpadoo went and took a little swim in the pool. After that, we brought in New York style pizza that consisted of pizza slices the size of our heads. Thin crust, just enough cheese and pepperoni, goodness. Even Sullivan enjoyed little pizza bites.

Once the kids were in bed we ended up staying up much later than I usual do and talked and talked. It was nice to just have a conversation with adults, drink some wine, and  then wind down reading a book, all by the fire place. Both bedrooms had big king size beds with tons of amazing pillows. I slept so well there. Sullivan was in his pack n' play in our room and Marin slept in Grandmadoo and Grandpadoo's room. 

The next morning we woke up and headed downstairs for breakfast in the hotel. The rest of the morning was spent walking around town with the double stroller. The weather truly couldn't have been more perfect. Gorgeous sunshine, about 60 degrees. We walked through the little shops, played on the playground, climbed some more rocks, bought some delicious candy, and ended up on Poppy's for lunch. After lunch, we headed back to the inn, had some quite time and naps, and just took it easy. 

After nap time, we all got in our swimsuits and headed down to the pool. This was Sullivan's first time in a pool and he was having so much fun. I bought him a little floaty for the pool and he just kicked his chubby little legs to his heart's content. I bought Marin a little life vest as well and she would stay in the water forever if we let her. After the pool, we all hopped in the outdoor hot tub and relaxed. 

That evening, the grandparents offered to watch the kiddos so Ryan and I could have a little date night. It was so welcomed and so wonderful. We began the evening with eating bbq-- pulled pork, ribs, hush puppies, baked beans, corn bread, a beer. Hello, full. After that we went and saw a movie at the little theatre in Estes Park. We saw "A Quiet Place" and I was on the edge of my seat the entire film. I highly recommend it. 

The next morning, we went to breakfast back at the pie place. After our meal was finished, we picked out some more pie for the road. By this point, it was starting to snow. We packed our bags, checked out, and took the nice drive back down to home and back to reality. 

My heart is still full from this trip. We needed this trip so much for our little family and I am very thankful that we live close enough to a place like Estes Park. It was exactly what we needed and I look forward to another trip much like this one in the future.