I need a fresh start today. A real one. A powerful one.
Yesterday turned out to be a little rough on the work front and I still can’t shake it. There’s been so many times lately where I can’t take it. There’s been so many times where even though I do make good money and work for an awesome company, I don’t feel like what I’m doing there is making any sort of difference: I am just in the way. I don’t matter. I am not making life better for people that work there but maybe worse. I’ve failed.
I know much of what was stated above isn't true.
At least it’s been raining all night. I almost feel like that’s God little sign to me saying: it’s going to be ok. Remember how I used to wash you of all impurities and mistakes in your life before in the northwest. Remember the rain. Remember My promises.
Rain carries with it a heaviness for me but also a welcomed breath. I am hurled back to the years of my past the second I hear the rain hit the pavement. So much of my life was once saturated by this rain. So many of my decisions, my triumphs and failures, were made in this rain. It followed me 1200 miles back to this very place I write today, if only to remind me of what once was, what isn’t anymore, and possibly what could be ahead.
I will probably have some courageous conversations today. I will probably be stretched and need to face my faults or at least what I think are my faults. It’s going to be ok. We all need those days even though most of the time we try not to face them. It’s part of the process. I don’t believe it’s possible to work around so many people and not face this process.
I needed this rain today.
I would be entirely fine if it kept up all day and into this evening.