Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts

Day Two & Three | Driving & Beginning

I figured that since I started writing about this trip and a whole fifteen or so of you faithful readers actually read it, maybe I should keep going. This little blog has been silent for nearly a year. In a year many things occurred....new jobs, selling our home and buying another, birthday parties, the holidays. There's a great, gaping hole in the blog of posts that went unwritten. Life happens a lot sometimes and things fall to the side. It will all be okay, of that I am sure. 



Let's keep moving, shall we? 

Day two mostly consisted of driving and more driving. We stayed the night in Twin Falls, ID after the first day of driving. I hardly slept that night in our hotel. I couldn't shut my mind off no matter how hard I tried to. My mind was filled with song ideas and wondering what it would be like to record with this group of people once again. We have a decade between us and I couldn't make myself rest for even a few hours. It was long night, drawn out in between my tossing and turning. I was thankful when my alarm went off and I could start getting ready for another day of driving. 


We woke early and headed out quickly. The road starts getting a lot more interesting as you get closer to the northwest. Everything slowly starts to become green and a bit more hilly. A good chunk of the second day was on the freeway right next to a river, which definitely beats driving through the likes of Wyoming where everything is just so flat and open. 



That evening was spent eating hamburgers and catching up with friends that I haven't seen in 4 years, since the last time we were up this way. I always like how we just pick right back up where we were before, as if there isn't this great expanse of life lived between us and our families. That feels good. Those are the type of people that will always be in our lives in some capacity, no matter how small. 



Day Three we headed into the studio, up in the country of Rainer, OR. I've known Stephen for a long time and being able to create with him once more is a real treat. There's people that know how run sound and record music, and then there's Stephen. He's a wizard when it comes to this process and understands the importance of a song having a good feel. He knows how I tick as a musician probably better than most people. 





We were able to get all of my scratch vocals, my main instrumentation, and drums tracked yesterday. 5 songs in from the afternoon into the evening. I'm proud of us. We are ahead of schedule and that puts my mind at ease. Being here, it almost feels too easy. Too good. Too much for my heart and soul to take but I desire to just soak it all in with everything that I have in me. 





I miss our kids a lot. We have been Facetiming with them during the day and any time I see another little kid, my heart aches. I welcome the little break, but man...this mama misses her kiddos. Ten years ago, I would have never thought I could feel something like that, but here we are. They are in great hands and we will be back before we know it but I still miss them. 






Today, we are hoping to get some of the final vocals done and then my dear friend will be coming up to track bass and guitar. This is when the fun really begins. I've had all of these songs just knocking around in my brain and heart for many years. Now they are coming into fruition and I can't wait to see what he adds to them. I love watching the layers start to pile up and the songs begin to morph into something grand. 



Also, it's overcast here and not a billion degrees and I love it. 



That is all. 

(Most of these pictures were taken by Ryan.) 






Portrait One

(One of the things on my 32 Things Before 32 list is to take a self-portrait once per month. Here's August.) 


I see a lot of things when I look at this photograph. I hate to admit how many pictures I took before I landed on one that was decent, at least in my mind.  I'm usually the girl behind the camera not the one in front of the camera. I feel a lot of things looking at this photograph. I had a baby a mere seven weeks ago and I can see the extra weight on my frame and in my face. My pants are a few sizes larger than I would like them to be. I wear a lot of tunics right now. In the past, I have always shied away from being in photographs when I don't feel the best in my own skin. I don't feel the best in my own skin lately. Postpartum skin is always an adventure and a process.  Healing from a c-section has been something I would like to not have to experience ever again. I'm ravenously hungry pretty much all of the time when I am breastfeeding and never feel fully satisfied. 

Sure, I have some weight to lose. Sure, my eyes look tired because I have a seven week old and a toddler to care for. Sure, there are some things I would change. 

But, you know what else I see? I see a woman that carried two children for 9 months each in this body. I have fed and nurtured two children with this body. I see a woman that is trying her best to parent two children well and to give them the very best life that we can in our home. I see a woman that is strong and capable. I see of woman that has dreams and aspirations, goals and hopes. I see a woman that is in a season that has never before been experienced. A new challenge, a new hope. 

"From the very beginning, we grow and mature because problems propel us towards solutions. Hunger drives us to attain what we do not have; discomforts push us through frustrations. So our babies grow strong, creative, and smart-- because they persevere. In the same way, our adult minds and bodies do not thrive through comfort, but challenge. Life throws a million curveballs demanding brave responses. By walking though the darkness, taking every despairing step until we reach the land of dawn-- this is how we learn to love goodness, to sacrifice for beauty, and to cultivate enough hope for the next time. Even if next time the valley is darker and longer than before."  

Catherine McNiel   Long Days of Small Things

32 Things Before 32



Every year for the past few years, I've written a list around my birthday. This list consists of many things that I want to accomplish in the new year in front of me. Last year, I didn't do very well on checking items off of my list. I found out I was pregnant in October and many items on the list ended up never being completed. I was a little preoccupied with growing a human. But, now I have begun my 32nd year, Sullivan was born in July and I have created a new, fresh list, just waiting to completed.

Here is my list from last year.....

1. Read 31 books. (I read 20)
3. Get pregnant with #2.
4. Paint the outside of our house.
5. Embrace a side hustle.
6. Play a show.
7. See the ocean.
8. Make a big purchase with cash.  (We roofed our house and paid cash for it!) 
9. Get another tattoo. (Can't get inked when you are pregnant) 
12. Get a deep tissue massage.
13. Redo our basement: paint everything, new flooring, doors, etc. 
14. Finish a song. 
15. Go to a drive-in movie. 
16. Start writing a book. 
17. Thrift more. 
18. Increase our curb appeal.
19. Travel somewhere new. 
20. Build up an emergency fund. (About half way there...) 
21. Meal plan and decrease our grocery budget. 
22. Purge the entire house, every room!
23. Develop a product or new venture.  
24. Get family pictures taken. 
27. Read the Dark Tower Series, Harry Potter Series, and Anne of Green Gables Series. (I made it about half way through two of these series) 
28. Take a class. 
29. Seasonal Fun: pumpkin patch, picking strawberries, the zoo, parades, the fair, etc. 
30. See a show at Red Rocks
31. Splurge on the perfect pair of jeans. 

Here is my list for this new year....

1. Read 32 books. (I read 23 this year....) 
2. Learn how to use my pressure cooker & air fryer. 
3. Re-do our basement. 
4. Paint the outside of our home. 
5. Landscape our yard and rebuild back porch. 
6. Replace all interior doors. 
7. Create a plan to become debt free by 2020 (including student loans....) 
8. Rejoin Weight Watchers meetings (I go back and forth on this ALL OF THE TIME.)  
9. Get another tattoo
10. Get family photos taken & print some photo books. 
11. Finish writing a song. 
12. Go to the dentist and the doctor for exams. 
13. Get a massage. 
14. Family walks. 
17. Embrace a side hustle. 
18. Breastfeed Sullivan for one year. (He stopped at just shy of 11 months.) 
19. Reset up the practice space and actually play our music gear. 
20. Design a product. 
21. Go to the drive-in. 
22. Blog consistently and revamp blog layout. 
23. Finish reading the Bible In a Year. 
24. Go to a concert. 
25. 12 date nights. (Maybe we hit this?) 
26. Take a Barre Method Class
27. Finish the Dark Tower/Harry Potter Series. (I am at book #4 for HP...) 
28. Get a facial. 
29. Take one self-portrait a month. 
30. Grow something. 
31. Start a new family tradition. 
32. Start saving money for our 10 year anniversary trip. 

I am ready to dive head first into this new year. I feel like I'm just beginning the journey once more of re-learning how to be myself after having a baby. I'm excited for what this year holds. Hello thirty two. 

Life Lately | An Update

Life has been such a whirlwind as of late. So many things seem to be occurring and coming into fruition. We seem to be in a good groove and I am alright with that. I haven't done  post like this in a long time, but as a bit of an update and some link love thrown into it....


 I am almost half way through my Whole 30, look for a post on that tomorrow.....I haven't felt this good and confident about myself in a very long time. People are starting to notice and comment and I'm only half way. I feel that is a good sign. Read my first post on my first week, if you haven't already. 


Work is in full swing as always and I'm just trying to live out a good "hustle." I've been editing photos like a crazy from a wedding the we photographed at the end of June. Any spare moment I have, during nap time, late at night: I edit. 

I've been loving the library as of late. A library card is literally one of the best things to happen to me. I can't even begin to tell you how much money I was spending on books that I would only read one time and then would fall back in place on a shelf, left untouched. The library is awesome. Currently on my nightstand, I am reading: this, this, this, and this.  I also am really into audio books and nerd up every time I am driving in my car. My current listen is this.  I read the book years ago but it's wonderful because it's read by the author and I like her vibe. How can one not love the library? My book list of things I have on hold is ever growing. I wish I had more hours in the day where I could get lost in a good book. Sometimes nap times allow me to do so but most of the time it's before I go to sleep at night. I read with the roar of the A/C in our room and the baby monitor humming next to me. 


Yesterday, we did something that we have been talking about for a long while but I never thought would actually happen. WE BOUGHT A NEW CAR!!!!! I no longer have to drive the mom mobile. The minivan was great for the years that we had it. We played a lot of shows with that car and crammed it full of music gear. I've driven Marin all over the place. I've fretted about how the van is running and whether or not it will make it to the next season. I have never in my life had a new car. My own NEW car. Dodge had some amazing deals out there and we spent the day at the car dealership. Overall, it was a great experience. I am not a big fan of dealerships but we had a great experience, albeit a long one. We drove home a new Dodge Journey, which is literally the bigger brother to my husband's car. I love it. I can't wait to go drive it today. 


That being said, I've also been researching ways to live more frugally in our lives. With a brand new car, comes a brand new car payment. We managed to get our payment in a decent range, but I need to tighten things up around here a bit. I won't be frequenting Starbucks per usual, that is for sure. Here's what I've been reading lately..... 





And on a kind of related note...I found this article interesting: Take the 1000 Day Challenge!

The Everyday: Week Two

Our lives were filled with the welcoming of new life this week. We consumed cupcakes with mustaches on them. 

I was awake far too early, way too many times this week. Coffee is my companion. 

I've never felt the need to work on "Plan B" so much in my entire life. How's that for vague? 

 photo everyday2_zpsab312691.jpg
(Stewie. Soon to be a big brother.) 

 photo everyday1_zps5c36072a.jpg
(Don't mess with my kid. She's tough) 

 photo everyday3_zps5e19a332.jpg
(Celebrating new life. A baby shower for my sister.) 

 photo everyday4_zps95151624.jpg
(Slowly but surely, I am working through this.) 

 photo everyday7_zpseccdfe72.jpg
(Sometimes you just have to have toast with almond butter and apricot jam.) 

 photo everyday8_zps914c39a9.jpg
(Early Morning Fuel) 

Red Velvet Shop: Springfield, MO



The main reason we drove 14 hours to Missouri was for one and only one reason: This shop. Some may find it crazy that we drove that amount, took the time off of work, and spent a good chunk of change, just so we could see this place. I firmly believe that it was all worth it. Totally worth it. 



I have dreams of one day opening up my own shop, much like this one in many ways. I needed a road trip away from the office and daily life for even just a little while. A fire has been lit once again inside of me. My dreams are big. They are scary at times. They are financially overwhelming most of the time. But, being able to see someone else that I don't even really know living out their dreams is greatly encouraging. It's trips like this and experiences like these that keep me awake at night. It has been so long since I have felt the urge to not shut my eyes at my early bedtime and dream with my eyes and my heart wide open. I will see the end of my office days. I will see the molding and shaping of things inside of me. It must happen. I cannot silence them now. 








I purchased the most amazing dress. I wore it today actually. It fits perfectly. An outfit post is definitely in the future. 


I don't really know what the future holds but I know I shouldn't quit preparing and dreaming. Visiting this shop changed so many things in me. 

What Does a Career Look Like, Anyway?


I get up nearly every morning (sometimes not on the weekends) and journal out my thoughts and goals for the day. I write my lists, I vent my annoyances regarding some of the things life can throw ones way, and I dream of the day when I can rid myself of the office life forever. Don't get me wrong, the job I currently hold has taught me many things, I get to work with some pretty awesome people, and it pays our bills as much as it's able to. But, there's many things missing. I work with numbers, spreadsheets, and time off requests all day. I find small triumphs in finishing a HR project or being able to balance the money for the day. Little things, baby steps. 

But, that's not what I was made to do. Have I learned a lot? Of course. Do I understand far more how a business is supposed to run and have witnessed the behind the scenes operations of the day to day? Of course. But, I've come to realize that if I don't come home and do something creative (ie write a song, take a picture, decorate my house, even bake a cake) I will surely lose my mind. Numbers and spreadsheets don't cause my heart to skip a beat. 


There's just so much more that I haven't embarked upon. 2012 seems already to be a time for me to prepare; for what, I'm not entirely certain, but what I do know is that I will not be tied to a cubicle for the rest of my life. 

My dreams are big. I can envision the very shop I would want to curate and get my hands dirty in. The displays, the products, the music, the location, the people, the community. Would it be easy? Of course not. With the condition of the economy currently, much is at stake. But, still I dream, still I hope, still I plan. 


Everyday I am making an effort to work towards my dream. I am studying like crazy, talking to people who have been there and done that, found a mentor that knows business better than anyone I've ever known, and immersing myself in the life of being a small business owner. All of this is still being done while I work away in my little office at my current place of employment. If I don't plan and research now, I won't be able to live into the dream later. Granted that may be a few years down the road, but at least I'm taking baby steps. 


My friend gave this to me the other day and it really makes me think. People hear me speak of my dreams, they understand them, and want to help me meet some of them. So encouraging. So now, I plan. I dream. I hope. 

New Year, New Goals...

It has taken me a couple of days to sit down and write out my goals for this new year. Many of them, I've found, are based off of my 25 Things Before 25 list, which will continue on until I turn 25 in August. 
.....get out of debt......buy a car.....buy a camera.......record a new album......record an album with my  husband.......have a garden.....love my husband.........prepare us for having a baby (hopefully we will start trying in 2012!!! )...........lose the rest of the weight, only 20 lbs more to go........run a 5k........go on a trip or two......have more quiet time......make our house a home.......read "What to Expect Before You're Expecting".........Book Club.....Do more yoga.....become a vegetarian.........cook more.......bake more..... advance at my work ........learn to love my job more than I do.......map out a business plan for some of my dreams jobs............go to Mexico with my work.....actually write a song to/for/about my husband...... continue working through the Artist's Way......try something new........take a class...........buy local and organic.........stay organized........take a real vacation......learn to brew beer with my dad.....take more photographs just for fun........paint some walls........blog more......actually use my typewriter and sewing machine.......

This list is massive, but I am overwhelmed with excitement for this new, fresh year. Looking back at 2010, we actually accomplished a lot of what we set out to do, with a few unexpected turns as well. We bought a house, played a lot of good music with many wonderful people, took lots of photos, grew closer to each other,  released a new album with my band, got a cat (who is a pain in the butt most of the time), took a trip back to the northwest,  I lost 30 lbs!!!!!, had a family get together at our new home, etc, etc, etc. 


Happy 2011. I'm ready for the best year yet. 





Career Dreams.....

....are slowly showing themselves in the light of today. If I had my way, meaning not to work a nine-fiver at an office where I work on spreadsheets all day, I would do what I'm doing today.

Case and point.

In a few hours I am going to decorate for a wedding. I love decor. I love the thrill of all of the details swiftly coming together into something that speaks true to the people the details are for. This wedding is very organic and whimsical. So beautiful.

Shortly after that, I am putting on my shoes as the wedding photographer for the day. Not only do I get to put together all of the details of our friends big day, I get to capture the memories through photograph. My favorite.

Can this be my everyday? Pretty please. I think that would be purely wonderful. I would wake everyday with a new found passion for these things. All of those design blogs I pour over daily could finally be used towards something. All of the money spend pouring into these hobbies would finally be worth something.

When I work on the details and have a camera in my hand is when I am most happy. I think that amount of happiness sits even above playing music in my book. Music is a close second surely, but over the last few years, decor and design have been some of my secret loves. I dream of them in the late hours of the night or as I'm sitting in my office at work balancing monies and dealing with giving people vacations off.
Someday, I will do this full time. I'm determined. It makes me feel so alive.


So here's to an awesome day. Here's to Steve and Maggie spending the rest of their lives together and getting to enjoy their big day.


We love you guys.

Four Simple GOals




I felt a tinge of excitement when I saw this post over on Elsie's blog. Goals are my things. Lists are a favorite, yet oddly justifying past time of mine. Notebooks have been filled with said goals and poured over in the years to come to see if I've ever really accomplished them. Some are left to die on those pages, some have found new life in the everyday.

I like to have something to work for. Without a goal in mind, my busyness seems utterly pointless.

My Four Simple Goals......

1. Take the time to take care of myself. Visit farmers markets on the weekend. Make those good salads that I actually end up enjoying. Eat more of the fruit that makes my mouth water. Get some sleep. Actually exercise by doing an activity I enjoy.

2. Grow out my hair. I generally have no patience in this category, but will not cut any length off my hair, other than a nice trim until December. Luckily, my sister is my hair stylist and won't let me!
3. Make our house a home. Paint some walls a crazy color. Seek out those crazy flea market and craigslist finds. Hang some personal artwork on the walls.


4. Create a space for me to live creatively. Stop avoiding the one bedroom I have yet to unpack our house. Take the sewing machine out of the box. Place all of my art journaling supplies where I can actually find them. Use my camera for more than just business. Make time to live creatively. Busyness shouldn't be a downfall.


Let's see how I do! Many of these are goals, within goals, within goals. But, I like to see the big picture.


Breakfast downtown, farmers market, grocery shopping, music playing, and birthday BBQing today.

Should be a wonderful, beautiful Saturday.

Explore.Dream.Discover









"Twenty years from now, you will be more
disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones that you
did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
~~Mark Twain