Happy Anniversay | Nine Years

Nine years ago on this very day, I married Ryan Hollen. We have been together for a decade now and it makes my head spin a bit when I think about how fast the past few years have gone. Swiftly. I blink and a decade has come and gone. A decade!

 He was the person I wasn’t looking for when we met. Meeting another guy, a potential love interest, was very low on my list of priorities at the time. I was broken and broken hearted but there he was being introduced to me in a local coffee shop, the very coffee shop we would have our wedding reception a little more than a year later. I had only been back in Colorado a grand total of about four days. I had a camera in my hand and a bruised and broken spirit from the season I had just moved away from. We were surrounded by friends, music, and coffee. My happy place. A mutual friend introduced us and my life has never been the same. Somehow, in the depths of my soul, I knew that one day I would marry this bearded man, and I did. I’m so glad I did. 

Happy Anniversay, Babe! I look forward to many more years of winding down on the couch and having dinner after long days at work, once the kiddos have had tubby time and are tucked away in bed for the evening. I look forward to many more years of building a home with you, one project at a time. I look forward to many more years of going to see movies and getting to actually go have date nights. I look forward to many more years of little getaway trips, going to concerts, and just going out for breakfast every once in a while. I look forward to the day to day, the laundry folding and the emptying of the dishwasher. I look forward to playing more music, in whatever capacity that we can in the different seasons of our lives. 

I’m so glad I was at that coffee shop that day, all those years ago. I’m so glad I said “I do” in front of our friends and family nine years ago. Ryan, you are my person forever and always. I love you! Thank you for taking care of me and our kids so well. 

Hollen Photography | Little Natalie

Katie and I have been in each other's lives for a very long time. We met at a youth group event many years ago and have been in each other's lives in some capacity ever since. We ended living together in Washington and experienced some of the best and hardest moments of our lives. I photographed much of that journey. I photographed her engagement. I photographed her wedding. We worked together in healthcare. Now, I was able to photograph their baby. I was getting super emotional as I edited these photos the other day. We have all come so far. We have been through so many things in the past 15 years of our lives together. They hoped for little Natalie for so long and now she is here. We may not see each other nearly as often as we once did because life has gotten in the way, but I count myself blessed to know these good people. 

We are now at the point in our lives where our friends are getting married and having kids. It's been a quick shift to that season in our lives and I have enjoyed being able to capture it along the way. I haven't done a ton of newborn photography so this was a fun adventure. Little Natalie is so adorable and makes me have baby fever big time. Someday heart, someday sooner rather than later. 

We also, of course, took some adorable little naked baby bum photos but I decided not to post her adorable little tush all over the internet. 

I would like more shoots like this one. 

Our Well Is Full | Our Roots Are Deep

We dedicated Marin last night, surrounded by many people, family and friends. The evening began with chili and soup, the breaking of bread and cornbread muffins, wine and beer. The sound of little children and adults filled the home and the chaos seemed fitting. We talked about what Marin's name means, "Little Queen of the Sea." Words were spoken over her life of "strength" and "authority." We ate good food, drank good wine, and managed to have Marin asleep in bed only a hour and half later than usual. 

Sometimes it hits me that our little baby will be an adult someday with her own hopes and dreams. She will fall in love. She may get her heartbroken once or twice. She will figure out her path one trial and triumph at a time. I already see so much of myself in her, which is thrilling and terrifying all at the same time. The words spoken over her last night are very similar to the ones that have been spoken over me, time and time again. As long as she grows up knowing and loving Jesus and the church, her strength and spunk will be directed in the right places. 

I made some poor decisions in my college days and I know many people tend to rebel at some point in their life. I just want to protect and guide her forever but also allow her to make her own decisions and learn through the seasons of life. I guess that's what parenting is supposed to look like in some ways, right?

It's so weird to think of her out in the world. Driving a car, heading off to college, dating boys, and working at a job. It seems so far off but I know it's really not. By that point, I will be around 46 years old. That's a strange thing to think about. What will be we be doing with our lives? Where will we be living? How many kids will we have? What dreams will have died and which will have survived all of those years of living? 

Such a strange thing to wrap my mind around. You only get just one life. It seems so small and fast in the grand scheme of things. The insatiable need to make it worthwhile and full of life is needed. I want to live a full, full life. I don't want to look back and see that I worked too much, lived too little, and didn't help my kids discover who they are and what they are meant for. 

Even as I journey through this year of "LESS," I still want to make sure that my well is full and my roots are deep. I only get to live this year once. I better make it worthwhile. I don't want to miss a single thing. 

Missing Music

A part of me has been dormant for over a year now. A part of me has been silent. Somedays I notice its absence, other days I am knee deep in all that life has to offer and all that parenting brings with it, that I forget to remember and look back for even just a moment. 

As of August 9th, it has been one year since I played music with my band. I was a few months pregnant at the time and my guitar still could fit over my growing belly if I tilted it to the side a little bit. We played at a local coffeehouse/bookstore. The faces of our friends and family looked back at us from comfy couches and tables filled with coffee and scones and good beer. 

During that evening, I wasn’t fully aware that it would be the last time that I would play those songs with those wonderful people for a long time. Originally, we were planning on playing a show in October but then we faced some complications with little Marin and I was way too stressed and worried to play a show. My belly was probably too large then anyway. Playing guitar pregnant is a pretty interesting task. 

I wish I would have known that it would be the last time, at least for a while. I want to go back and hold all of that evening closer than I did. We had just started introducing a bunch of new songs, none of which have been recorded to this day. I don’t want to lose them. I want to hold on to them with everything within me. 

Playing music is like nothing else that I have ever experienced. There is no other aspect of my life that can be so freeing yet so focused all at the same time. I get the opportunity to completely let go but also share intense parts of who I am and the experiences I write about. There is nothing else like it. 

Parenting truly changes everything. Becoming a mom has shifted my focus almost completely away from myself to this little baby that can’t care for herself. I have gone through more physical, mental, and spiritual changes in the past 6 months than I have in most of my life. I don't regret any of it. 

I don’t want this to be the end of my music. I believe it was placed in me for a reason. I also believe that we go through certain seasons where you must lay certain things down in order to embrace something new. I believe I am in that season. 

 

I will play again. In what capacity, I truly don’t know. But, if you are reading this and you were a part of the music we played, just know that I don’t want to be gone forever. I want to be able to call you up randomly and we can go play a show. I want those late nights talking about life on the back porch mid-practice when we all just need a break. I want the feeling of coming together as a team and creating a piece of art that none of us could do just by ourselves. I want to be able to play the same bridge over and over again until we get our parts just right. 

I miss you guys. I miss the feeling of guitar strings and calluses. I miss singing to the point of waking up the next day and hardly having a voice. I miss the ability to let go. I miss the insatiable need to create something of worth. 

I hope one day we can all continue on this journey together even though we all find ourselves in so many different seasons. I hope one day we can capture what we created in a record. 

I don't need to be famous. I don't need to travel the world playing music. I just want to do this with people that are in it for the same reasons I am: because we don't know how to function in life without it and know that when we aren't playing music something is missing. 

Weekly Lovelies: Currently Clicking #14

Each and every week, I gather links of all of the places I have been perusing in the great, grand internet. There are plenty of people out there doing big things and small things. Some of these are practical, some are inspiring. This week, we are journeying into the mind of a mom, defeating the battle between what types of parenting are best, talking about being a writer, a garage remodel, gifts for your dad, and a torturing post of vacation photos that just make me want to hop on a plane and go somewhere tropical for a week. 

1. I'm a new mom. Inside my head is probably pretty crazy pst days. Here's a post about 5 Minutes in a Mom's Head. I can relate to many, many things.
2. A refreshing photo series about motherhood. We beat ourselves up way too much with every little parenting decision that comes our way. We need to do what is best for our families, whatever that may be. A Fantastic Photo Series To Help Us Think About Judgment. (Spoiler Alert: We Have To Stop!)
3. Advice for Aspiring Writers: Hole Up & Create. I journal a lot. I don't really see myself always a writer but this post has some good advice. 
4. This garage remodel is top notch. I would like to stay there. 
5. Father's Day is Sunday. Here are some gift ideas from the kids for the dads. 
6. This group makes me want to take a vacation. With a group of awesome friends. I can't wait to read more about the house they rented. Here are some snapshots of the trip. Someday, vacation. Someday. 

Hollen Family Christmas Cards

We accomplished something this year that we have never pulled off before....sending out Christmas cards! I probably had way too much fun picking out the design and figuring out the photographs for the card. It is difficult when you are both photographers and don't have anyone to take your own photos, go figure, but we managed! As long as you have a picture of your cat somewhere on the card to keep things real, you'll be fine. 

This also means I can cross another item off of my 28 Things List! (Click on the link to see where I am at in that whole process....) 

On the Back Blurp: 

Merry Christmas from the Hollens! 2013 was a year of many changes for us. We are expecting a daughter in February. Her name is Marin Ryan Hollen! We have spent the year playing as much music as time allows, keeping busy with work, photography, and film projects, and tolerating our cat, Geoff. We want to wish you joy and peace this Christmas season and pray for many blessings for you and your family in the New Year! 

It has been very enjoyable to receive cards from so many of our friends as well. Snail mail is pretty much the best thing ever. I will definitely try and keep this up as a tradition for the next few years. 

I hope all of you that we sent cards to received them. My handwriting is pretty horrible, but I really tried to keep addresses legible! Fingers crossed....

Merry Christmas!

Dinner With Denise & Company

I've said it many times before, but I love how food brings people together. No matter how horrible our day at work might have been, or the fact that we might have ten dollars left to our name in our checking account, or perhaps we are just in a funk: a dinner with friends can make everything seem not so important or overwhelming. A dinner with friends forces you to see what really is important in your life.

At the beginning of this year, we had dinner with this same couple. On Monday, we went to their house, joined by our roommate and Denise's mother, and had a wonderful meal that I'm still dreaming about. Denise is an amazing cook and being able to come to her home is a real treat, one that I don't take lightly.

We began the evening with a Sausage, Kale, and Potato Soup that warms your bones.

 

The main course was Winter squash with Quinoa, fruit, nuts and a pomegranate drizzle. Denise also blogs. It's full of many other amazing recipes as well.

The roomie made roasted broccoli, which was delicious.

Beers were had, cider was had.

My lovely honey even baked the cake for the evening festivities because the day before the dinner I realized that due to work, I would never have enough time to come home and bake a cake before dinner. He did an amazing job. He has a beard and he cooks! W-I-N-N-E-R!

I want many more food filled nights such as this.

Chili Night

This past weekend, we opened our home to some of our dear, dear friends. We made two massive pots of the infamous Hollen's Family Chili and I'm still eating leftovers as we speak. (Which is not a problem, at all.) It was nice to be able to slow down during this season and just be with some amazing people. 

Shawn's Cutting Onions Face

The End 

I love how food brings people together. 

We need that during this busy season of our lives. To just sit and live. There's a lot swimming through my head and heart lately: dreams for this new year that is upon us, love for those around us, and the unknown that rests somewhere right in front of us. I feel change coming. Good change. 

Obligatory Christmas Post

Our Christmas weekend was wonderful. Full of family and food. 

For the very first time, we held Christmas Eve at our new home. I piled everyone downstairs into our practice space to devour chili after our candlelight service at church. Surrounded by guitar amps and pieces of scattered drums sets, we came together as family and enjoyed each other's company. 

(The Chili Masters) 

The next morning, Ryan and I awoke early and the festivities soon followed. We began at my parent's house, then on to my grandparent's house, then on to my aunt and uncle's house (where a massive feast was held), and then on to Ryan's parents for swedish meatballs and mashed potatoes. 

I really don't have any need to eat for a while after this weekend. I dearly wish I would have taken a few more photos, but these will do. 

  (Stew Man) 

Ryan's parents framed one of his paintings for us for Christmas. 

I love the holidays.